Update on partner

[Shell2202]

Got his scan results back no lumps or bumps but his liver is still large and bright.

Everything looking positive untill last night. I found a small bottle of vodka hidden in a glove in his work bag. I’m devastated I confronted him and he said it was an old bottle he was trying to get out of the house. He actually denied it when it was there in front of him. My 14 year old son heard the argument and so hubby left the house obviously to go and drink elsewhere I’m at the end seriously I do not know what more I can do not only the fact he is now smoking weed on top of the drink he wasn’t doing that before rehab. Now it’s both. It was March when docs said if he carried in he would have 2 years to live. I can’t believe he can do this to his family again after everything we have done for him and the stress we have been through. but he’s an addict and the rehab did not work.

I need to now decide what I need to do I’m scared if I leave it’ll send him worse but how can I stay knowing he’s still doing the very thing that’s killing him it’s exhausting I’m sorry to be going on but I’m at my wits end x

[Ewife]

What a devastating time for you......I'm so sorry. I don't have any advice as haven't experienced addiction personally,but I know from my friend who lost her husband to it, that its a cruel illness.Take care of yourself and your son. I hope other forum members that have experience aren't distracted by recent unkind posts on this site, and will come in soon and offer you more support.

Thinking of you

Xx

[Shell2202 in reply to Ewife]

Thank you I appreciate your kindness xx we also have a daughter and a grandson she worries constantly and is such a young mum she has enough on. Her partner is supportive luckily. he’s a very selfish man for doing this to us all.

[Ewife in reply to Shell2202]

It is selfish, but I also think it needs to be seen as an illness too. The selfishness comes in not listening to those around you I guess. Which is something most of us have been guilty of at times. My friend always says it was something her husband just didn't have the strength to beat, he was so poorly at the end that she says she could never wish him back now. She likes to remember him before the illness took hold. But hopefully this is just a dip in your husbands recovery 🤞Xx

[Roy1955]

It's hard but don't become the hard person that is stopping him from doing what he wants to do.Don't become the enemy.

It took me at least a dozen attempts before I finally quit drinking.

I used every excuse and hid bottles all over the house.

I still find the odd mini bottle now and I quit almost 5 years ago.

Support on the good days and sympathise on the bad ones.

He has to quit for himself and not because of pressure from the family or you.

Look up CGL that I mentioned before.

Also look into contacting an Alanon group, their for alcoholics family to support you in supporting him.

[Shell2202 in reply to Roy1955]

Thanks Roy that’s good advice and I completely agree. but when I’m March docs said he has 2 years if he carries in drinking I feel like he’s running out of time I feel useless angry disappointed and scared to be honest

[MLB_77 in reply to Roy1955]

A dozen is a actually good. I read a stat that it takes an average of 10 years from the “first thought” of wanting to quit. Sounds crazy but I believe it.

[Roy1955 in reply to MLB_77]

Yes!It took well over 10 years for me to quit.

Ignored "fatty liver"

Ignored all the trouble I caused my family.

Went to group therapy for several courses over the years but only because my wife made me.

Then I got to a stage that a WANTED to quit!

Found CGL that I thought would be just for drugs and they arranged at home detox (they have Dr's and nurses available 24/7).

A few weeks therapy preparing me to quit

2 weeks on tapering librium, daily attendance, followed by over 6 months of twice a week counseling and 7 day a week drop in center just for coffee and a chat (breakfast if you want it).

Open invitation to walk back in anytime if I need to.

All free!

Can't praise them enough.

[Shell2202 in reply to Roy1955]

Thanks toy I guess it’s true it’s when HE wants to nobody else. Are they nationwide CGL how do I go about it x

[Roy1955 in reply to Shell2202]

Google alcohol support in your area. Search for CGL and change grow live.

CGL are nationwide, part NHS part charity funded.

Also try "Addaction" and "Smart recovery".

He can self refer to any of them

Tell him from me that the hardest part was walking up the path and knocking on the door.

Walked up to the door several times on seperate days before I knocked.

Glad I did though.

[MLB_77 in reply to Shell2202]

Google “live alcohol experiment” (From this naked mind)

Next one starts in 3 days

This naked mind has changed my perspective on alcohol and much more. I am so grateful for it.

[MLB_77 in reply to Roy1955]

That is wonderful that you had such a good source of support.

Glad you worked it. Life is better without alcohol. well done

[Glenfaba123]

Hi shell, im going through the exact same thing with my husband, but he dont hide the bottles anymore, he blatantly drinks infront of me, the only thing he hides are the empties so i dont know exactly how much he's drank. It is exhausting and disappointing to watch, i have grown up kids and grandchildren in the house most days, but that doesn't stop him, he just does what he wants to and don't care about anyone no more.

My hubby got told 5yrs ago he had 2/5 years left to live and its 4yrs since then, he has stopped for a number of months but always relapsed.

They have got to want to stop themselves, until then everything falls on deaf ears, its so hard and frustrating living like this i totally understand your situation, I've just given up on trying to help him and begging him to stop drinking because of his flailing health, my health is starting to suffer as a result and im going downhill fast.

My hubby just doesn't want any help from anyone, he is on a downward spiral and there's nothing i can do to stop it, its very sad and hard living like this.

Always here to talk if needed ok

Julie x

[Brighton1974]

Addiction is cruel and behaviours unfortunately aren't rational. I have been where you are, hoping that love will save the day and that my loved one will come to their senses but still there are days when they relapse. I've tried tough love, calm discussion and trying to reason with them - enforcing that they are destroying themselves - but still I have been disappointed. We as the bystanders can often feel helpless when our loved ones behave in this way. Why can't they just stop? But the issues that led them to addiction are deep seated and require counselling and understanding. I have found that if I respond with anger, then it will often make the situation worse but just being there as a means of support and understanding brings better results. I'm sorry that I don't have an answer on how best to help but my advice, if I have any is to also look out for and after yourself. Take care of your own well-being. Al Anon is a support group for families and loved ones and you should be able to find a local group. Sharing with those who are also in a similar position may help you deal with your own situation and to lighten the load. Remember, that however hard it is for us to understand, that it is an illness. You are doing all you can and you must not beat up on yourself. You are not alone and there are people out there who can also help you.