Gizmo's demise: Mfam's toilet humour

Some of you may remember Gizmo, the not-so-smart smartphone. He survived a nasty improvised stunt when Mfam decided to shake her quilt out of her bedroom window, but forgot in her uncharacteristic Martha Stawart enthusiasm that she had put Gizmo on the bed beforehand. Result: Gizmo acquired numerous wrinkles on his screen, and Mfam narrowly avoided braining her hubby, Calculus.

Gizmo continued to work and provided music on my runs, although he did have a knack for randomly selecting depressing tracks like Adele's "Hello" on lead-leg runs, inexplicably decided to play the same track three times in a row, or threw a wobbly and packed up altogether if I tried to make him do two things at a time.

You may have noticed that all this is written in the past tense, because last night signed the demise of Gizmo. After a well raucous evening celebrating Calculus's birthday (corrected age 4+8 = 12), Mfam went upstairs to powder her nose/answer the call of nature/otherwise get shot of the two beers she had guzzled over the evening.

You all know that pride comes before a fall, and Mfam was congratulating herself on having successfully navigated the ominous waters of making birthday dinner without burning it or poisoning anyone (mess up a Frog's birthday meal at your peril). She undid her jeans button, started the docking procedure, and was promptly halted mid-air by an ominous "plop". (This is the point where I say that there is something to be said for running, it does wonders for your thighs).

Now. my pelvic floor may not be what it used to be, but I'm pretty sure that I couldn't lose all my innards without some kind of prior warning. Mfam whipped around, and to her horror, was met by the sight of Gizmo lying silently at the bottom of his improvised swimming pool. The impact with the china had been fatal. Lessons to be learned: 1) back pockets always seemed to be a good idea at the time, and 2) phones can't swim.

As a typical Mum, I first thanked the Febreze Fairy for having got the last visitor to flush the loo. Then I fished out Gizmo's remains, put them on a soft fluffy bed of loo roll and muttered a few mantras, scrubbed my hands clean and had a whisky with Bigfoot.

Today, Gizmo remains silent. My tadpoles say that it is a sign - my birthday is coming up soon. I went out for my first of 37 runs on a 10 mile Myasics plan, and spent most of it stuffing the naff EarPods into my lugs and griping. But then I saw the beautiful autumn colours, and realised that I was running and healthy, and that I really was a lucky so & so. At which point, my ancient iPod randomly selected this little beauty. Count those blessings.

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  • Urggg I've done that before!!! Bag of rice apparently, but it didn't cure mine!!! Brilliant post!!

  • We tried the bag of rice tactic when my lil bro gave his phone diving lessons in a local river, didn't work... Apparently cat litter works but I don't have any. I'll wait until Fisher Price bring one out.

  • Love this post - and the tags you acquired!

  • Depression (and cocaine) seem to be regular features on my post tags. I conclude that HU think I need help.

  • Brilliant tale mfam!

    This has to be my favourite bit!

    "As a typical Mum, I first thanked the Febreze Fairy for having got the last visitor to flush the loo."

    But then again it was all very funny (but not somuch for you at the time!)

    You have such a great way with words!!!!

    Poor old gizmo!πŸ˜•

  • I love writing. I've done whole skits about the Febreze Fairy and her magic wand (aka the bog brush), Wonder Woman (my nemesis at primary school), motherhood, life as an expat and more... Still can't revive Gizmo.

  • I spat my coffee at "started the docking procedure..." πŸ˜‚

  • I know I've got it right when the coffee makes it out through the nostrils. I'll have to try harder next time :)

  • Very funny post! Bet it was Gary really - another of his tricks trying to stop you getting out.

  • Gary was killing himself laughing just behind me and saying 'no more running for you, you won't last five minutes without music, and I've hidden your iPod charger'.

  • πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘

  • Hope you're well, sweetie xxx

  • Hilarious recount as always Mfam! I have also done this and despite trying the bag of rice trick mentioned by Juju, my phone was never the same again. Farewell little Gizmo!

  • I am going to dig a little hole in the pile of earth at the bottom of my neighbour's garden, and bury him with full rituals. Maybe the mystery of the missing cat will be solved at the same time.

  • Great singer, Londoner who likes a F or two! like me! Couldn't take hello too often though! Would probably top myself!πŸ˜•

    Weren't an iPhone was it? left it on the bed indeed! Me thinks more likely bedroom shenanigans!😁

  • That 'Hello" song is so depressing, it drives me nuts. I am the only person in our family who doesn't have an iPhone of some description - because a) I eventually destroy all my phones, and b) I refuse to pay the equivalent of a month of food to be permanently available for the world in general. As for the bedroom shenanigans, that made me laugh... The only thing my husband was laying was concrete under the bedroom window. Just a couple of inches either way and I either landed my hubby in hospital or had a cement coffin for my phone :)

  • Brilliant, brilliant, brilliant. this made me smile so, so, much... :) Thanks.

    Rest easy Gizmo... ring out, Birthday Phone ?????

    PS

    The depression and drug links are getting to be a bit of a ...'habit' xxx

  • Ta, Flossie :) I'm looking onto "indestructible" phones now. Caterpillar do smartphones, is that ace or what?

  • Oh yeah!!!:)

  • Ha... great post mfamilias.πŸ˜„ Sorry about gizmoπŸ˜‚...

  • Ta, Jan. Yup, poor ole Gizmo has had it this time. Just like the cat: all seven lives used up.

  • πŸ˜‡

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