Elle Magazine, India, emailed me to ask me about "love" - how that changes post breast cancer treatment - to print in their October Breast Cancer Awareness Issue.
My response:
At 28 years of age, married for almost six years and caring for a two year old daughter, a woman may think she knows all about loving and being loved. But life never stops testing you and your emotions. 'Love' encompasses so many emotions that change you and shape you as a person in times both good and bad. Love is strength, love is respect, love is so much more than can ever be explained through words written or spoken. Love is knowing that your family is praying for you and they are confident that you will step out of the operating room the same person you were, breathing and full of life. Going through cancer treatment, I learned that loving yourself is not selfish. You need to love life to reassure your family that you are strong and will fight cancer because they need you. Love is knowing that even when you have lost your hair from chemo, your daughter will kiss your bald head and burst into laughter from how that feels! I have learned that expressing yourself more to people who you find love in is very important. Love is when your husband brings seven slices of cheesecake to the recovery room because he couldn't remember your favorite flavor. Post treatment, I learned that love is not found in the material give and take; love is the everyday joys that your child, your spouse, your family, and your friends bring.
Shikha
Well said. I completely agree with you. I felt the same way. When I went for my chemo therapy my husband and daughter sat beside that chemo chair and watched my face through the entire infusion. When my face changes or if I take a deep breath write away they are worried. I saw the love in every gesture, emotions and care they both showed. Lived with this man for 20 years I always questioned do we love each other ..... Is this a right matrimonial arrangement. But I got my answer on that day. Since I don't have anybody here with me and everybody is living back home in India, we are like a pyramid here just three people. Sine my daughter had to go back to university to continue her studies, my husband took 3 months off to stay with me and registered with me for all activities in this journey.... Yes I see love in it. When I said I don't want reconstruction it is scary to go through another two surgeries ( had two already), he said you look just fine. I had one and half feet long curly hair, when I know I loose all of them and went to salon and cut the hair short, both of them said I look cute and more younger in short cut. When I started loosing hair after the first chemo, my husband was so patient to clean the bath room everyday to remove he fallen hairs so that I don't feel so bad and I saw an emotional support in that. I have more emotional bonding with him than before. Still I have few hair stuck on to my head.... And my daughter says I am going to be one prettiest woman with bald head......those words makes me feel stronger,
There are so many scars this cancer leaves and makes you so self conscious and inadequate and all the prayers my aged parents do back home..... the support of your loved ones..... friends who have not called or spoken to you for 6 months heard the news through some one and calls you, come and see you, Creates a wonderful lovely environment and yes that is what I call " LOVE"
Regards
PK
Thanks for sharing your story. I definitely see love in it! I have a husband and a daughter in the US, but everyone else is in India. Same as you. I still see the love; it has made the distance look very small between us. I also see love in this forum with everyone lending support to one another.