British Pregnancy Advisory Service
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Freaking out

So, i'm 16 and twenty weeks pregnant. My boyfriend broke up with me last week and now i'm not sure if i should keep a baby that the father doesn't even want. I'm really stuck. Does anyone have any advice??? or have been in a situation like this? it would really help, thanks.

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my sons father left me at my 12 weeks scan because they said our baby was going to have Down’s syndrome. Which he does. I never looked back, he’s now about to turn 3, by law the father is financially responsible and has to pay child maintenance.

I lost my jobs and I was freaking out and scared. He is in fact the best thing to happen to me, having him gave me the motivation to follow my dreams, but it’s not the easiest decision to make, at the end of the day if you want to have this baby then that’s okay, you can do it, take it one step at a time, if you don’t that’s okay too.

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Thanks. I'm glad you and your boy are okay.

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It's not a case of the father doesn't want the baby. The thing that matter is do you want this baby. It's about what you want. There is nothing wrong with being a single parent. As long as that child has someone that loves them they won't miss out. How are your family being about you being pregnant will they support you

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They've managed to come to terms with it now and they're ready to support whatever i decide

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That's a very good thing. My advise to you hun is to forgot about the guy and focus on what you want. The last thing you wanna do is have an abortion because he didn't want the baby then regret it. You will have support no matter what. NO parent is impressed when their kids get pregnantyoung my.mum wasn't when I was 18 but she wouldn't change it now

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Did you ever really feel like you were letting your parents down for having a kid so young? i feel like that all the time ):

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I did for a little while but I got over it. I'm now 27 and expecting my 3rd child and my parents couldn't be happier for me. Your not letting anyone down by having a child young. You'd be letting them and yourself down if you make a decision you don't really want to make because you think it'll make others happy. This isn't about pleasing.others it's about doing what you heart and but is telling you to do. If you decided that you don't want to have a child yet then that's fine but please please do not only get am abortion because you are scared of being judged for being young. Remember once upon a time we encouraged to have kids younger than we are now.

You have to do what isrighy for you no matter what anyone else might say or think

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my oldest daughters dad left me the day i found out i was preg he hasnt seen her in 10 years and she has never asked to see him and she is doin great with out a dad in her life but only you can choose if you want the baby without him men come and go but youll always have ur baby

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I suppose that's true. I just don't know how i'll cope on my own. I grew up without my mother so i know that not having a parent around can be hard.

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I can’t say I have experience of breaking up with the father, but I researched what happens when you lose the baby at 20ish weeks pregnant. Unfortunately, it’s very painful and it could even affect your future chances to get pregnant. Any pregnancy termination is not good for your health, especially if it’s further along. At 20 weeks, the baby is already quite a large size and an operation to remove it would be difficult. If it was less weeks than that, for example, under 12, you’d just take a pill and be finished but at 20 weeks they need to conduct an operation. You should think about if you want to have children in the future. What if you abort this baby and a few years in the future you try to have a baby and can’t get pregnant? You might regret not keeping this baby. I think you could also call your midwife and talk to her about it and get some more information, before you make a decision. Whatever you decide, it’s your choice.

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Thank you for replying. Maybe having an abortion isn't the way forward. I would like kids in the future and i don't want to really do anything that would stop that from happening.

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So good that your parents are supportive now :) Although the law allows abortion at this age, this is a fully formed baby - a boy or girl. The decision about a life is with you all of your life, and needs to be part of your thinking at this stage. They really have a right to live, to be loved, even if its through adoption, but they may be a joy for you too. Not suggesting it's easy, just worth it for both of you.

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I completely agree with that. It's just hard knowing what to do when the father has made it quite clear that he wants nothing to do with the baby and especially me.

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It's likely that you are much better off without the father, though I realise it's a grief too. A good guy wouldn't walk away from you now. Sometimes circumstances are revealing. I can think of a couple of my have friends who have taken the option to continue as a parent from about your age, and and another who opted for adoption. Both ways worked out really well for everyone, with a child loved and wanted :) In each of these three situations they went on in time to have a good man in their life and a good family. Best path is to weigh up your options as a single parent - how much support you will have? How do you feel about your own ability to take this on? If you decide to parent it will be full on for a few years but you will learn heaps in that time. Life doesn't shut down. It's still wide open, even with a child, and you may hit your twenties wiser and stronger and ready for much more, (including a qualification fix if you need it). Either option you can be strongergirl :)

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I think i can do it as long as i get support from someone. I suppose one of the advantages of being home schooled while you're pregnant is that i can carry that on and eventually do my GCSE's even if it's not this year. At least then I'll still have some grades i can put towards having a job and providing for my child.

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Just wanted to post to say well done for being so strong. Sounds like you are much better off without this guy. You have the love and support of your family around you and you can always turn to this forum for support.

You can do this xxx

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Aww, thank you. That means a lot to me especially at the moment

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