Seek help for your grief

[AndreaWilson_Founder]

Whether you are a patient or caregiver, there is grief that comes with a serious diagnosis, especially when it's the "C" word.

When your loved one dies, it's a different level and kind of grief. When my sister Adrienne died, I pretended for far too long that I was okay. I didn't allow myself to grieve. I ran away from it. I distracted myself. I worked myself to the bone. Even though Blue Faery was born out of that grief, I still avoided feeling the pain.

Grief is on a continuum; it ebbs and flows like ocean waves. Though I finally sought help, I still struggle. I still go through difficult times. I still have days, weeks, and months that seem unbearable. The 20th anniversary of Adrienne's death (October 9, 2021) hit me so hard that I wanted to die.

So I began seeking help again. This fall, I'm doing EMDR therapy to continue to help me with my grief. I'm not endorsing it, but I'll let you know how it goes.

You can learn more about it here: apa.org/topics/psychotherap...

💙 Andrea

[DancingEyes63 Moderator Caregiver]

This is such wonderful advice. Thank you for sharing Andrea. Losing a child is a pain that never goes away. I did the same when Manda died. I ran from it and hid from it until I had a breakdown. I wouldn't let anyone talk about her, took down the pictures, etc. My husband at the time and I pulled away from each other instead of trying to help each other. Thankfully Jimmy wouldn't let me retreat from the pain any longer and helped me face it. So I've done things totally different since losing Jimmy. I'm not saying it doesn't hurt like hell because it does. He was such a big part of my life for more than half of my life. Instead of running from the memories, I embrace them. I did go through several months of individual and then group Grief Counseling after he passed away. I started when I realized I was trying to retreat from the world. I was afraid I'd be tempted to go back to the fantasy world I'd found when I lost Manda. So instead I carry him with me in my heart all the time and share him with the world. ❤️❤️❤️ Don't ever be afraid to reach for help if you need it and don't let friends or family tell you how to grieve or how long to grieve. As a caregiver you also have to let your loved one grieve.

Sharon Dixon ❤️

[AndreaWilson_Founder Partner Editor Caregiver in reply to DancingEyes63]

Thank you Sharon. I adore you! 😊

[bwpickard Caregiver]

Andrea thankyou for being such a model of turning grief to action/advocacy and that it's okay to seek help. Adrienne would be so proud of her big sister! There is no timeline for grief. I saw something that said grief doesn't get smaller, life just gets bigger around it. Whether you are a caregiver or a patient, your emotional well being is essential to your physical well being and we all know the rollercoaster challenges of HCC. I also saw a counselor, even during my husband's illness as I wanted to have no regrets and do the best I could for him. I encourage any of you who are struggling whether you are a caregiver, family member or patient to seek help to live your best life!!!

[AndreaWilson_Founder Partner Editor Caregiver in reply to bwpickard]

What great advice!