Life Without Jimmy

[DancingEyes63]

October 27 will be a year since HCC robbed me of my soulmate, my husband, the love of my life, and my best friend. It's been a hard 11 months with many ups and downs. The "ups" have been the love and support of my family and friends, a new grandson's birth (although it has also has a "down" because Jimmy will never get to be part of his life except through pictures and stories), taking part in several projects to help raise awareness about HCC, speaking at a few Hospice events to tell our story and encourage others, and reliving that last precious year in photos and memories that we'd posted on social media.

The "downs" are missing Jimmy like hell every minute of every day. The sadness that of six grandchildren only the two oldest boys will have any real memories of their Papa Jimmy. The other four will just know his name, see his pictures and hear our stories because they were too little or not yet born. I've discovered that often even a happy time now is bittersweet such as watching the great nephew and great niece play sports at school. As much as I enjoy it, it still hurts that he's not here to share the enjoyment and feel the pride in their accomplishments. Even when I walk through the archway gate that Jimmy put there and smell the roses it reminds me how much he would have loved smelling them.

Four things have helped me survive these 11 months :

1. The knowledge that Jimmy would be so disappointed in me if I just gave up.

2. Getting involved in Grief Share and some other widow's support groups as well as the bereavement counseling provided by Hospice.

3. Keeping my promise to Jimmy by staying involved in HCC Advocacy, telling our story and doing my best to make a difference.

4. Keeping his memory alive because he deserves to be remembered and I want the grandchildren and the young family members to have stories of Jimmy and his wonderful loving heart, faith in God, and his strength to pass down.

All these are ways that I honor the man that I was SO Blessed to love and have him love me.

Never forget WHY we're fighting so hard to raise awareness, make changes and find a cure for HCC.

Sharon ❤️

[scbauer77 Caregiver]

Dear Sharon,

Thank you so much for sharing Jimmy's story and also your experience of grief. Your words encouraged me, and how you have allowed him to live on through you. I am so very sorry for your loss and grateful for how your words inspire hope in the midst of it. Your vision of increasing awareness about HCC and advocating for a cure are yet additional way Jimmy's life continues to matter. His story matters because of you.

Sarah

[DancingEyes63 Moderator Caregiver in reply to scbauer77]

Thank you Sarah. Yes we got involved in the Advocacy, especially taking part in the One Liver to Love Program, Jimmy said that if we could help even one person then his death had meaning. He had no idea at the time just how many people would hear or read his story and how very many people he'd touch. His wish was that one day HCC wouldn't be a death sentence. Told me to keep being an advocate so maybe one day HCC wouldn't leave widows behind to mourn. It helps give purpose to my life without him too. This past Spring/Summer I was able to be on the Advisory Board to help put together a pamphlet about HCC for Cancer Support Community and that was a privilege. It's a smaller version of the Patient Resource Guide. So important to get knowledge into patient's and caregiver's hands. ❤️Sharon ❤️