When I had my Heart Attack/Stroke in 2019, my other half would not let me do a thing from the day I was discharged from hospital, now 2021 that has now changed back to the norm before my attack. Daughters curtains fallen down don’t worry dad will put them back up, even though it’s a balancing act on a ladder, cutting the lawns dad can do that, it appears from the wife’s side I am now over both medical conditions even though I still get tired out 2 years on, do any other of us hearties find this situation common practice.
Be safe
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Carpbait
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Dear CarpbaitStroke usually leaves us with stroke fatigue. At our age it is very slow to gain recovery. You and I are unusual, in that we have survived a stroke and a heart issue. Mine were four years apart. Were yours within weeks ?
I can not work for more than two hours, then must rest.
I reckon it is essential to get regular sleep. I need 7.5 hrs and I retire at 10pm.
Stroke changes your personality and your abilities. You are very unlikely to be the same person, after all our brains have had to rewire (neuroplasticity) so impossible to be the same. The changes take about two years to progress, so you should be at a stage when you are settling.
I had AVR and I found the procedure and recovery a lot easier than stroke.
So we cant do what we did before and we have become different people and yes I would suggest your situation is commonplace, for the minority who actually survive.
The Stroke Association do an excellent set of booklets which perhaps your wife should read.
I am now six years post stroke and I can now do things such as submit my tax return, and I can slowly do most of the gardening. At two years no chance at all.
You have done well to survive. Try to enjoy the rest of your life.
Colin, you are my mirror image, all the things you have mentioned is a copy of my symptoms, my stroke has left me with weakness down my right side, I found it hard to swallow food on some occasions, it does help knowing that there is someone out there who knows how and what you have endured medically and can relate, thankyou for your response.Be safe John
Hi carpbait. I wonder if your wife feels she is 'helping' by giving you jobs to do as you did pre event. In the way that it is an acknowledgement that things are returning to normal. If you feel you are not at that stage yet, please tell her, otherwise she will never know. Is there a tiny part of you that feels pleased you are once again the 'go to' for all the family jobs? Communication is key here. Best wishes x
I agree, it would seem on the face of it you are being put under unfair pressure. I don't think people may realise the emotional pressure of going through 2 such major events would be like. I think this possibly needs to be communicated and then followed up. Let's face it a lot of 72 years old's who have had no such events are maybe feeling like taking life much easier.
Thanks for your response, yes I am pleased that I can do things I used to do, however I wouldn’t let the wife know I was struggling, pride I suppose, I know they pride comes before a fall, but I don’t like letting family down.Be safe
Carpbait , I think you should tell your wife if you get tired when you do too much . It's alright being proud and not wanted to let your family down . However what would happen if you were ill again ? It could affect your life & your wife and family would feel awful they'd expected too much of you .So bite the bullet , tell them the truth and put your foot down if you are asked to do too much !
Better to tell them than be unwell again . Good luck !
Absolutely, husband and family put me in cotton wool. I did the rehab classes but not much else for a couple of years. After more than 3 years I decided I was older than my years and started walking. My stamina is back and though I'm in bed every night by 9pm I have much more energy and am a much more positive person.
MazzyMaggot, what a lovely title, done the rehab, do my daily walk but still run out of energy by mid afternoon, never seen the end of loose women normally fallen asleep , keep up the good work.Be safe.
You have got my remaining brain cell ticking over.
Do you think your issues are stroke related or heart related. Or both.
I am inclined to think the stroke issues dominate, but during the four months after OHS it was the heart.
Very very few people have a clue about stroke survivors. And no one talks about those of us who have had both. I guess we are the minority few who have come through both. I am physically small but I have a very strong heart.
My wife is tomorrow visiting our elder son in NW London, for a short week, so I am fending for myself here in deepest rural Essex. And of course my best friend Sooty.
Time apart from the wife are essential to break the tension that builds. Also, agreeing to her time away is a reward for seeing me through the heart rehab.
Colin, pleased to see the wife has enough confidence to leave you alone, mine watches me like a hawk, she knows I shouldn’t be doing things I am but family always comes first.Be safe
This covers my good fortune of having a stroke four years before heart issues.I was 90% paralysed and thought it was permanent. So I had to do some dramatic things to stop wife from disintegrating.. the first thing was to send her for coffee, lunch and everything else whilst she visited. Once home I insisted she left me for at least one hour, every day. She likes shopping, coffee mornings and chatting, so that was easy.
I now find that her few days away with family give me a chance to settle. Actually she is off tomorrow.
Not sure why a wife would want to hover. We have to learn to live with our problems.
Been thinking over the differences between H/A and stroke, at the moment 2 years down the line I believe the stroke has taken the presidency, although I go into panic mode when I get chest pain, normally trapped wind, but I thought that the day I had Heart Attack, still have problems speaking numbness down right side of body, and inns I have to get used to.Be safe my friend.
My 72 year old hubby had OHS in April 2018, followed by a “small but significant” stroke about 8 weeks later ( nine days after his anticoagulant and AFib medication was stopped abruptly by his surgeon). He set himself goals for returning to working again after both events but has decided this year that he gets too tired so is planning to cut right back - a couple of hours working now leaves him tired for the next two days! He is an agricultural contractor and this will be the first winter in 51 years that he hasn’t spent half his time cutting hedges!
As I do the paperwork for the business I still don’t get to wind down and don’t have my days while he is working to do the paperwork and clean the house as I keep getting interrupted! I won’t complain too loudly, he’s still here and that’s what matters!
I totally drive my misses mad, always in the way and under her feet, but as you so elegantly put it, still here and that’s what matters, try and find some time to yourself or you will burn yourself out, even it’s sitting down having a cup of tea.Be safe
Before I retired I was a Trade Union Official so I can sympathise with you re paperwork and related issues, it took up most of my time and ironically I was told if you continue the way you are it will give you a Heart Attack one day, ( how true ).
I am only 1 year post surgery and only 58. Once I got out of hospital I done my best to 'make myself useful and feel like I was contributing to the daily running of the house'
I've had 2 set backs (or relapses) that have created a reset of my condtion to a month after post discharge. As someone who counted a short bike ride as something in the order of 40 miles, a decent one being 60-100miles, I've now sold my bike. As much as I want to, I'm not safe on a bike. I seemed to have acquired Afib and Vertigo post op - hence I'm not safe to be on a bike. I can't drive either.
So right now, having been warned that my recovery, to some degree of normality, will take at least 2 years - I am busy trying to find what my happy level of activity is. That my life and personality have changed forever is beyond doubt - but the one thing that has always helped is having a wife and family who are willing to talk and try to help me achieve that balance.
I would always recommend talking with family, but I realise it is not for everyone. A problem shared is a problem halved.
Good luck with trying to find that balance that sits well with you.
All the best to you my friend, I hope you find what you are looking for, my cardiac surgeon put the words baby steps remember you are not the person you where, but aren’t we all who have had this condition.Be safe
Oh yes, I am apparently fully recovred and have no problems at all; can do eh garden, clean the house, cook all meals, even when I'm dropping. "But you look well"
Nobody apart from the members of this forum will never grasp the fear dread pain anxiety associated with have a heart attack, I was advised to apply for a blue badge when discharges from hospital, like you I get asked why, you look ok to me, if only they new.Be safe
Yep, even from friends and family. I'm having real problems with tablets just now; just dragging myself around. Had to even ask Hubby to wash up and got a long face and " You look ok to me". I've had chronic pain for 30 years; can't stand for more than 3 or 4minutes but still have to do all I ever did and when you can't visit friends, they drop you and think it's all excuses. I'm used to it now. The people who matter know. That's enough.
You will have more genuine friends on this forum than you could imagine, I am here , you are here That’s 2 friends for a start, and I am sure everyone one on this forum is a potential friend, like I did with my original post, 9 of the forum responded, so reach out when you need a gripe or moan, we have all been there.
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