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One of those days 🫣: Hi All, Am having... - British Heart Fou...
Am having a bit of an off day today (emotionally). Lots of reasons, just feel it's one thing after another. Some significant and some not so much - like getting a bruise on the inner crease of my thumb when holding on to a handrail. I mean come on 😂. So I thought I would send everyone who is suffering with anxiety, depression, emotional upheaval following any heart related issues a big virtual hug 🤗. Just because this is a side of us that is on the inside rather than physically doesn't make it any less real or substantial. Take care and hang on in there. Let's just take it one day at time 👋☺️.
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Knavesmire27
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That's a lovely sentiment, Knavesmire, thank you. The lovely weather of the past few days has encouraged me to walk and garden, and when it comes to the latter I'm thinking "will this be the last year I'll be able to do this". And today I realised that I've overdone it!
I've just been talking to a cousin and recalled that two years ago I was having various tests leading up to confirmation that I needed a new heart valve. The time does seem to have passed quickly ...
Good luck especially to everyone awaiting tests, results and treatment.
Hi. Yes you do tend to worry with the Warfarin. Mine is very rarely in Range. I have to get mine tested every Week, sometimes more a Week, I've been lucky the last two Weeks though, it's been within Range - Hooray lol 😆. That was spoiled mind as I saw the Doctor yesterday after having my INR Injection. He refused to give me an Injection in my Knee because of the Risks with Warfarin, (severe osteoathritis), which has played up now for 4/5 days again, and was informed by the Doctor that the Waiting List for Knee Surgery is approx. 4 years in my Area unless I could afford to go Private, which I can't. Chin up though!
Just reading your post and am a bit confused. Were you saying that the Dr wouldn't give you an injection in your knee because your INR reading was not in range and being on Warfarin may have resulted in a bleed? I also have arthritic knees and take warfarin tablets, but never heard of a connection between the two. Does Warfarin make arthritis worse?
Hi. My INR is very rarely in Range even though it has been within Range the last two Weeks. I have two ',Mechanical Heart Valves, Aortic and Mitral' and what the Doctor said was they have to be very cautious because of the Valves. He was concerned about the risk of internal bleeding in the Knee and, also, because it is very inflamed as well. I think it's the risk of bleeding internally and shooting my INR all over the place again. I think it would be up to you to ask your own Doctor, maybe he would have a different view, but my Doctor certainly wouldn't. I happened to talk to my INR Nurse the same day and she said that the Doctor was absolutely spot on..I would never question a 'Professional' anyway! Hope that helps a little.
thanks for this, back pain on top of the persistent angina at present is reducing me to actual tears. today I just couldn't put my "big girl pants" on!
What we are going through is so very real. If you want to have a good cry, then do. But also give yourself a part in the back for even thinking about putting on those "big girls pants" ☺️. You will do it when you ready. Take care
I have suffered severe anxiety for years and having heart attacks and then a Bypass mine is now out of control so what a lovely post sending a virtual hug to those suffering as sometimes it can mean such a lot to know someone understands
I hope tomorrow is a better day for you
I have come back on your post and I hope you are having a better day
I also wanted to add when I joined this Community a few years ago because I had heart attacks all I could say is how anxious I was and how I suffered with anxiety before and now I could just not cope my anxiety was out of control
Some members said I did not belong on here because of my anxiety that this was not an anxiety site and yet since then so many with heart issues have spoken out about their anxiety like you and I am so pleased there is more understanding that heart and anxiety can and in a lot of cases do go together and we certainly do belong on here suffering from them both and supporting each other x
We all have times like that . I had a complete meltdown the other week . I am estranged from my son and his family. He decided I wasn't wanted as a mom or nannie in 2020 I will never know why . And it he did via email and letter. I just cried all morning I want to see my son and ask why what did I ever do to be treated this way ..Plus I miss my grandson the eldest 2 where 4&2 when I last saw them never meet the third nor know his name .
I then had a rant at my husband who died in 2004 aged 47 that this would never have happened if he had lived . But as usual when I have a rant at him I see him with his stupid grin on his face as if to say feel better now and I do.
If we didn't give into our emotions every so often I think we would burst . But I found I feel better once I have pulled myself together .
All those here are dealing with health problems and took me decades to realise it can effect your mental health. But lettings your emotions out is good for your mental health and gives you the strength to fight whatever life throws at you .
Never fight your emotions or you will hurt more . And anyway we are human beings not robots . 🌹
I know exactly what it feels like to be estranged from your child and not know why. My heart really goes out to you, Murderfan. Know that there are more of us than you know.That on top of our health problems can be unbearable. Big hug to all of us.
I am Gransnet and on the estrangement forum there is a support thread for those of us who are estranged. The lady who started it it's been over 12 years since her younger son dumped them she never got the chance to know her grandsons . Another one on there it's been about 12 years for her to. But it's been a lifeline for me . But it's not a doom and gloom thread we do talk about estrangement especially when we have new people join us but we talk about everything and anything . It's like here a group of friends helping eachother and understanding how we feel .
I am lucky have a wonderful daughter and 2 grandson's who I see regularly. My son in law is lovely when the estrangement happened he said he knew something was wrong for years but didn't want to hurt me. My son has dumped all our side of the family . Hurt my brother very much who said what the xxxx did I do to him . But then again I never did anything wrong.
Parents are not perfect babies don't come with an instruction manual we do the best we can. My son and daughter in law are far from perfect parents but the boys are their world so I know they are well cared for and given the important things love and attention.
I am sorry you are estranged as well . Apparently 1 in 5 families are estranged from various family members especially adult children .
Seems we live in a disposable world and parents have become disposable. When our children misbehaved when young there where consequences. What our adult children don't realise there are consequences for their actions .
My husband dieing hurts me more than what my son has done . I had a kind loving son for 32 years . He has turned out to be cruel and a coward . He should have told me to my face on my birthday which was the last time I saw and spoke to him . But I know he couldn't have done it to my face . I would have been upset but if he had said his wife was jealous of me and our relationship then I would have understood. But I am his mother not his lover so no idea why she would be jealous.
What he has done will all come back on him one day and if my grandsons want to find me they will.
God bless you. I am so sorry. That must be heartbreaking for you. My family is estranged from my brother, and yet he and I were so close as children. Keep strong and keep your husband's smile with you. Take care
My husband's son is also estranged from him and we don't know why - he lives abroad and just stopped contacting us and doesn't respond to any attempts from us. Luckily his ex wife is keeps in contact with us so we see the children but my husband finds it extremely hard to cope with since he had his stroke and I find it hard dealing with his emotions (he's my stepson so whilst I miss him it isn't the same). Really feel for you, but you are right we just have to let our emotions out and then try and move on x
Sorry about your stepson . But very glad you get to see the grandchildren. It's very difficult to understand why adult children do this and with your husband recovering from a stroke makes it harder for him. I had to reach a point where I refused to let what my son has done hurt me anymore and just accept I will never see him or speak to him again . Reached that point in 2023.
So my meltdown the other week shocked me as I thought I was ok. I spend a 5 days on the acute cardiac ward and the transferred to heart and lung hospital for 3 days in January . Funny enough I never thought him once.Just worried about my daughter keep visiting me . As she works and has 2 boys and her husband was away working for a couple of days. Thankfully she has wonderful in laws. My grandsons made me lovely get well cards they are 7&4.
My in laws where vile but my husband loved them but didn't like them . They never showed him any love or attention. They looked after him .But he got all the love and attention from my parents and extended family. We went every week to see them if they started on us we walked out but where back the next week. My father in law died in 1988. And my husband in 2004. I still looked after his mom because she was family she was 91 when she died in 2015. I spent 15 hours a day by her bedside the last 2 days. The nurses said you must love her but told them I had hated her for 40 years and I did.
After my husband died her only child she denied he ever existed and told people she didn't have any grandchildren. But they never gave up on her either.
My son and daughter in law knows what a bad mother , mother in law and grandmother is as they knew her.
But that's life . And we have to make the best of everyday and looked after the ones who care and love us. Those that don't want us it's they who are missing out. For all I know my son has told my 3 grandson's that I don't care about them or I am dead.
Thanks for your reply - it does help to know other people are going through it too. It's funny how it comes in waves - we can go weeks/months without it bothering him too much and then all of a sudden it hits him again. Then I have to deal with him feeling like a failure as a father, which I don't mind, but he isn't a failure, he's a bloody good Dad!
It sounds like you have had to deal with so much and it's when our health isn't good that it hits the most. It sounds like you have a lovely daughter and grandchildren and that is what I try and get my husband to focus on as he has one of those too. I guess there are some things in life that we can't change, but it is very sad for all involved when family relationships break down. xx
Your husband hasn't failed his son his son has failed him . I have never felt a failure as a mom because I know my husband and I brought both the children up the same way with the same values . It's my son who has failed as what hurt me the most to realise he is a cruel coward and should have told me to my face. But he has dumped all our side of the family.
What's the old saying you can pick your friends but not your family .
Hi - I agree we need to recognise our difficult emotions and give them a little space before getting on with the day-to-day. I'm also sorry about the break with your son, and wonder how you reacted to his hurtful letter and emails? The advantage of a written response is that we can frame it carefully so as not to inflame a situation, whereas verbal reactions can blurt out emotions we may later regret.
Do you know why your son behaved as he did? In families with adult children, falling-out is often about boundaries: as parents we may feel a responsibility to influence our children in ways they resent, raising old emotional grievances. But it can work the other way round as well. They may be concerned about what they see as our failing powers and inappropriately attempt to steer our decisions and behaviour.
When my daughter and I fell out some years ago, I recognised that she was worried about me, and that old resentments still lingered. I wrote to her setting out some limits on what she was entitled to say or insist on, phrasing my objections in words intended not to inflame the problems further. Fortunately, it did work, and many years later we have maintained a more cordial relationship. But I recognise there are some family situations that either need professional help from a qualified family therapist, or simply can't be mended due to factors out of our control.
Could you write to your son asking him to explain why he's so angry with you and what the two of you can do to repair things? If you don't get a reply, there's nothing lost; but if you get a nasty one, at least you'll know you tried. My fingers are crossed for you.
Four days before I had the email my son was here on my birthday covid rules in place . Had a wonderful time with him. In the garden he said I will put paving down for you. Told him it was ok I would get it done as he worked long hours had the 2 boys and another son due in July. He sent his sister an email to. But she didn't care as my daughter in law and her never got on from when they first meet in 2005.
In his email he accused me of hiding things about his dad's cancer but my husband didn't want them to know how much pain he was in . He assumed I acted in certain way to a situation what he does know is how much information I found to try and help them both . He rewrote family history. He ended the email with I love you mom but don't like you give me some months . Don't phone or text .This was 4th May 2020.
The baby was due end of July . I never heard anything . So it was his and my second grandsons birthday the same day in August. Should say at the time of his email he knew they had found a problem with my heart and was waiting for further tests .
So I send 3 presents for the baby and a card . Birthdays cards and had put a friendly letter in his card telling him the results of my heart tests ,never mentioning the email just hope they where all well. Put a cheque to be spilt between him ,the birthday boy and my oldest grandson as I always gave when a new sibling arrived.
The day after their birthday everything came back all unopened . Someone had crushed the babies presents as you could see finger marks. A short letter saying I do not want your manipulative or vindictive behaviour anywhere near me or my family every again . Zero contact .
I have never been vindictive or manipulated to anyone in my life .
My daughter and grandson was here that day . She was pregnant with her second son. I gave her the present luckily they where baby clothes and cuddly toy to give too the baby charity she supported. They where all from M&S.
I had asked my daughter if she felt we hide things about her dad's cancer she said yes but knew dad didn't want them to know . I did ask her if she wanted to know what we hide but she said no it was what dad wanted.
I feel your pain too. I’m estranged from my son & he does t see his sister /grandmother either. He has no contact with his eldest son with his ex wife but thankfully I have a relationship with DIL & g’son ( he hasn’t seen his father for 9 years ( he’ll be 16 in May & a great kid). My son blamed me for everything that went wrong in his life 🤷♀️. But I can honestly say once I got over the estrangement my health improved. I often think “why”? But I’ll never know. I’ve moved on with my life but like others I’m often left wondering 😳.
Glad you have a good relationship with your daughter in law and grandson. How can a dad turn his back on his child for 9 years . But it's better to have no dad than a bad one . Your grandson sounds a lovely young man as that's what he as is 16 next month. But he has been loved and well cared for and he won't treat any children he may have in the future the way he has been treated.
They main thing to remember as parents we do the best we can and we give our children unconditional love and attention. I still love my son but the son I had for 32 years no idea who he is now . But my love for my grandsons even the one I have never know is as strong today as ever.
Your story is heartbreaking! I’ve been through something similar with my son, but not to the extent of what you are going through. I was never kicked out of his life nor my grand babies, but there were months that we didn’t talk. Needless to say, we worked it out.
No one deserves to be treated like this, but you need to try to have a relationship with him and his family. Instead of focusing on thinking what you did to be treated like this, ask what you can do to change this situation. You really need to do this simply because your life will be better with him in it. Don’t hang onto the grief that’s causing you to have meltdowns, get out there and try to fix it. I’m telling you this, because as a mother that’s had a similar experience, be brave and fight for your son. Reach out to him and if that doesn’t work, reach out to somebody else who could possibly help. I ended up talking with my daughter in laws mother (the other grandma) and it worked! My relationship with my son is better than ever before
I know I got sidetracked from the initial post, but it brought back so memories of my relationship with my son, I felt like I needed to reach out to you. Keep me posted. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
I did reach out to him in 2023 sent him a text he told me to fuck off. That's when I decided to stop hoping . I have to concentrate on my health and those that love me. My son decided he didn't want me . He broke the family . I will never contact him again and when I died he will never know .
Glad you have a good relationship with your son again .
I am so very sorry for you. I can’t imagine how hard this must be for you, not just emotionally but physically as well.
I replied before reading your story. There are no words that I can say to you other than how sorry I feel for you. It is not pity, it is heart wrenching sympathy that I am feeling. God bless you and stay strong!
I will do . My husband was a wise man and knew what I needed to live without him and that was a series of promises and have kept everyone for the last 21 years. Because of having people dependant on me I couldn't live my life to the full. But when I moved here to the north west in 2019 . I live my life to the full and have better healthcare than I have ever had. People here are so different to the black country. I have faced no discrimination and I love my life . The estrangement with my son is his choice but I haven't let it stop me living my life to the full. Last year had my first holiday for 19 years in May . Enjoyed myself so much went away in September. I can only holiday here as my health isn't stable enough to go abroad. But am going to places I never went with my husband as those memories are precious. Going away in May and September and July to visit my brother and sister in law. Primer inns have accessible rooms for walking and wheelchair disabled. I travel by train and have travel assistance which is brilliant..
No matter what life throws at us we have to live life to the full. My dad always said no such word as can't. I do things I love but my way. And try and help people where I can. And treat them as I want to be treated.
Thank you for the hug. I hide my struggles because they can't be seen from the outside. It is when people say you should be better now and your not. Anyway enough of me moaning. It's made me smile and feel comforted 😊
Thank you for your kind wishes, and I am sorry things are not good for you just now.
It can be hard adjusting to cardiac problems. I had a heart episode which necessitated a stent and also have PAF, for which I am to have a pacemaker next week.
When it all starts happening it can feel quite daunting and hard to adapt to a new scenario, and I find it especially hard sometimes as my late husband was a doctor and I had help on tap! I am now on my own and making decisions about when to get help is difficult.
But I am taking heart from the fact that my friend's Dad had a pacemaker a few years ago at the age of 94 and he is doing really well ....
I feel for you. My late husband was a Dr too and we were really spoiled. It’s not easy making your decisions but you’re strong and can do it. I was diagnosed with complete heart block 4 weeks ago & was an emergency admission to hospital. I was given a pacemaker and am being well looked after by my local hospital. I joke that I got a pacemaker for my 69th b’day. I wish you well in everything you do. Just remember how strong you are 😃
Many thanks for the hug... much appreciated. I've just spent a week on a cardiology ward getting checked over after a huge stress attack. Thankfully no real physical damage done, just an emotional repair required which I hope won't be too hard to fix.
I am a very strong person, with major open heart behind me during which both my aorta and valve were replaced and then two strokes I have had to be strong . However, the recent unexpected loss of my beautiful Westie and a particularly unpleasant and extremely hurtful scene created by my youngest grandchild have totally floored me to the extent that at 87 I wonder if it’s worth carrying on. I am usually the person who helps others but seeing your very special post was wonderful and has given me the strength to get back on my bike and carry on with my life. So I am sending you my biggest thanks. I have been preparing the website for a new heart support charity and hope to launch it very soon so please keep an eye open for my next post which will give details of the website . It is a much needed charity and I will need an enormous amount of help to get it going but I am hoping many of you will spread the word. I will speak again very soon.
Oh, yes, would be very interested when you get your site up and running. I am so sorry for the loss of your beloved pet. I can totally relate. You take care and well done for being so proactive ☺️
Losing a beloved pet is sooo painful. My rescue bearded collie - I'd set my heart on this breed 30 years earlier, but couldn't have a dog until semi-retirement - died last year at the age of 14, and it still hurts. My heart goes out to you.😪
What a sweet thing to do. We just have to remember that there are others out there much much worse off than ourselves. I am having neighbour issues at the moment and when it gets me down I just feel oh just go away
Have a virtual hug back. I'm suffering with a back issue at the moment. It's been plaguing me since November, So much so I booked to see a Dr privately last week. He arranged a quick MRI and I'm awaiting the results of that to see what happens next. The recent spell of good weather helps raise the mood. Just been potting on seedlings in the greenhouse
I have looked at your message just at the right time and have found it so helpful. I just cannot burden my husband with any more than he is already aware of. Sitting snivelling and and trying to force myself to snap out of it here. One day at a time as you say. Thank you.
A big hug to you too! I have suffered anxiety and depression for 40 years and being diagnosed with af last year has been a difficult journey and anxiety now through the roof, and yes a small incident can seem like a mountain to climb but we must get through it all somehow. Xx
Can I just say, what an amazing community this is, but more importantly what amazing, brave and inspirational people there are out there. The biggest THANK YOU to all those who liked and responded to my original post. Yes, we have shared some highs and lows but oh, the solidarity and support that shines through is everything. I am proud to be "one of us" 💗
Thank you Knavesmire, having the courage to share your feelings and to all the other people sharing your stories, I too, am feeling a bit sad and fed-up. I know I am extremely lucky to still be here but as time goes on I can’t help but feel disappointed to how things have turned out.
I still have back and rib pain every day which limits my walking which I love . I am awaiting MRI scan results to see whether musco skeletal or cardio related. Also awaiting a holter monitor and cardiac perfusion test. My only granddaughter lives in the US and we are hoping to visit later in the year but I am now anxious about flying. There just seems to be so many hurdles in trying to get some sort of life back.
Well, enough said, it’s a beautiful day out there , I’m going on a short walk through the park and appreciate the trees, birds and fresh air. My best wishes to you all going through your own challenges. 💕
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6 days post op triple bypass surgery… 
6 days and so far so good!
One of the carditis's?
Good days and Bad days
