My triple bypass heart surgery was recently cancelled at the last minute.
Although disappointed I was OK about it.
My wife however was very upset by the cancellation. She had built herself up for me to have the operation so emotionally it was a big come down.
It got me thinking. When facing major surgery the focus is always on the patient not on their wife/ husband/ partner who are equally affected.
How many of us really think about the effect these procedures have on our loved ones?
Your right Disney59, we don't appreciate the anxiety and worry that our families go through on our behalf, any illness puts a strain on all the family, as rem sang everybody hurts.
Hello Disney.
I know there are husbands/wives/partners/parents/sons/daughters/siblings on here but I think you’re right, by far the largest focus is necessarily and rightly on the patient but the rest of us need support and appreciation too because it’s not an easy position to be in at times.
My husband has Dilated Cardiomyopathy and he had his Aortic Valve replaced a while ago by open heart surgery. I empathise with your wife, it’s awful when you’re worried about your husband and can’t do anything tangible to help them and it can be a real rollercoaster, just as it can for the patient. I know I felt very scared in the run up to my husband’s AVR surgery, then on the day of admission it was postponed as there wasn’t an intensive care bed available. We were told a couple of weeks for a new date but it turned out to be just 24 hours thankfully. I was just numb whilst he was in hospital then the emotion hit me when he came home. To an extent, you’re each on your own path through your heart journey as every step affects you both differently. All I can say, is keep talking. Talk to each other, to family and friends, to the BHF nurses etc. Support each other, recognising it’s about both of you, and be honest because either one of you may need help from your GP or a counsellor so don’t be shy in asking for it.
I’m lucky in that my husband wanted my involvement in his health and we talked about everything.
Thank you for shouting out for the wives etc. Much appreciated.
Thank you. As a wife of a two times heart attack patient within twenty months I find I struggle more than my husband, who thinks it’s all a b....y nuisance. Friends and family says oh you must be strong, you can’t let him know how you feel, you will make him ill and so on. The only non judgemental support is on here or fb groups. I thank you and wish you and your wife well.
Sorry to hear your op was cancelled. My husband has been told he needs a triple bypass and after four months and a second attack last week we still haven’t got a referral to a surgeon.
As his wife I feel abandoned , so alone in caring for him. Every day I live in fear that I’m going to lose him.
I wish you and your family well for the future.
Christine.
Hi Disney59Sorry to hear your op has been cancelled and your wife’s distress.
Many of us on here share your concerns for our loved ones who are on an emotional rollercoaster trying to support us.
My family have supported each other through my difficult time over the last few months, it was always in my mind what they were going through. I was in good hands in hospital and was cared for very well but due to covid-19 restrictions my family couldn’t come to see me. Part of me was saddened by this as i missed them so much and wanted to hug my children and family to reassure them that i was ok but the other part of me was grateful they didn’t get to see the gory bits of pipes coming out from everywhere etc and i could choose my best side and prepare myself to be at my best for facetiming etc, thank heaven for today’s technology!!!
Totally agree When I had my HA and ended up spending 10 days in Hospital
It was my Son who kept the house running was the main carer for my 90 year old Mum and he continued to work long hours .
I told him not to visit me as he had too much to do ,but he did bring my Mum on his days off.
The one thing he said after was everyone asked him how I was but no one asked how he was yet it was him who had no one to talk to or reassure him .
So a big thank you to all our family's and friends that support us through all the Heart related stuff
Hi Disney59. I can't tell you how much I was affected by all the cancellations my husband had (he was 5th time lucky). Strangely, I had to keep smiling and be very encouraging as there's nothing like a bloke with heart problems getting stressed out. I bottled it all up and lost over a stone in weight.That started me thinking that my cancer had returned!!!!
Emotional stress is awful and I'd encourage your lovely wife to talk about it. You'll get sorted out soon and then she'll be waiting on you hand and foot for a bit. I'm sure she'll look forward to that!
All the very best to you both.
Jan xxx
Well reminded, Disney, thank-you. I'm the Heartie and so far my multiple heart conditions haven't included anything more invasive than a pericardiocentesis years ago and more recently a simultaneous angiogram and right heart study.
But my conditions do have an impact not only on me but on my husband, especially my recurrent pericarditis, and I thank-you for this opportunity to say publicly what a star my husband is.
I hope your op goes forward sooner rather than later, I wish you a speedy uncomplicated recovery - and a post-recovery spa weekend for your wife
(I usually send mine off on a lads only fishing or antique bottle tour, most wives love a spa weekend as a thank-you)
That is such an important point. Sometimes the impact can be greater on those around us. I was truly fortunate to have a procedure brought forward because of a cancellation, which worried my husband more than myself.I hope you get your op as soon as possible, and that all goes well.
I’m the partner of a heart patient and it has been really really hard (although i of course appreciate it’s been harder on my partner!)
My whole life has been turned upside down in the past 18 months and neither of us has had any support since his surgery (which he had just as the Covid pandemic hit.)
I’ve felt very alone (especially during the lockdowns) and I’ll never forget sitting on my own in the hospital subway restaurant crying whilst he was in theatre.
He had virtually nightly angina attacks before his CABG and even now I find myself only sleeping lightly incase he needs me or something “bad happens”‘during the night.
Even now it’s hard as he’s had problems since the surgery (AFib and other rhythm issues) and isn’t quite the same guy as before (very snappy and mood swings) but I’m grateful every day for the fact he's still here and we are getting this xmas together.
Big hugs to all wife’s,husbands, partners, families and friends and the patients 😊
Hi,
Reading your post my heart really felt for you, I had Aortic valve replaced and bypass done and 5 weeks later my husband of 46 years had a huge stroke and I became his carer. As you said our lives completely changed, but I am grateful that he is still here even though he isn’t the same person. I have said before on the forum life sometimes pulls the rug from under our feet, my heart health is so much better than it was, so I now am able to care for my husband something I couldn’t have done before my op.
Next month we will celebrate our 51st wedding anniversary, and we are both grateful for each other, we can still laugh and that helps but sometimes he as a black place because he can’t do the things he used to do.
I pray you keep getting the strength to keep going, things will get better for your partner, it takes time and some jiggling of medication but his life will improve.
Best wishes Pauline
Thank you for your lovely reply. It’s so nice to hear you have been there for each other in some terrible times and are about to celebrate your 51st anniversary (wow!)
I will defiantly keep going - I know there will be good and bad days ahead but I’m not one to give up.
Wishing you and your husband a good Xmas and anniversary. Keep safe x
Introducing our Heart Stars
a hearty gang - our fitbit group
Getting our medical records from Hospital and GP Surgery ,with the Virus going on. 
One Cigarette, Just One!
Ubiquinol thoughts please?
