Post operative care from one's "Loved Ones"

[Dickyticker26]

At first I counted the days from the operation but after 32 it changed to weeks

Now it will be 10 weeks on Wednesday and I have in view week 12 for a "full recovery" and being able to undertake "heavy physical work"

Thereafter I expect to count the months with 6 months on 28 February next for the sternum to be back to what it was

In the meantime I hasten to resume my usual activities as "taking it easy at home" has proved to be an infectious practice for the 4 other adults in the household despite all the initial promises of support

It is not unusual now to find one's loved ones stretched out on the matrimonial bed watching tv in the middle of the day or playing computer games whilst one has to struggle with the laundry basket or vacuum cleaner

Even the parish priest who insisted on giving me the Last Sacraments before I went to hospital is now preventing a Sri Lankan friend from bringing me communion at home presumably on the argument that I can be brought to church by car!

I have just resumed walking to church and reflect that the 2.25 miles is only just above the 2 miles statutory walking distance for school-children between 5-8 (presumably with the au pair) but they seem to arrive in SUV's or 4x4's

[Shar28]

Hello, my husband had an AVR (but no bypass) almost 2 years ago now. He’s made a really good recovery but it takes time and the hospital information is only a guide. For some people it’ll be longer. Everyone is different and needs to listen to their own body. If you’re feeling good doing what you’re doing, then it’s not so bad. But if it’s too much then it’s too much. Loved ones don’t always see the picture you do because a) they looking from a different eyes and b) they can’t feel what you're feeling. If you can, stop doing it and delegate the tasks! Easy for me to say and much harder to do I know as I’d be picking up what I perceive as the slack. In fact I did after spinal surgery, fortunately to no ill effects, a long time ago now.

All the best for your continued recovery.

[Dickyticker26 in reply to Shar28]

Many thanks for your response!

It is now 10 weeks to the day since the triple bypass

I find that I can do most things -even standing on a chair in our Wet Room to fiddle with a ceiling light which miraculously came on

Walking 2.25 miles to church in fine weather last Friday, Sunday and Monday proved a bit much and I am having a couple of "days off" because of chest pain in the sternum

It's my Sri-Lankan friend who brings me back by car-he is still not allowed to bring communion to me

[Bagrat]

The only advice I can give is that it is important to get over the hurdle of asking. Expecting others in the home to see what needs to be done and you will have a frustrating wait.

Categorise tasks into necessary and desirable and perhaps have a pow wow about whether your list matches theirs.

I know how frustrating it is but you will get there.

[Dickyticker26 in reply to Bagrat]

Thanks for responding

I was watching "My 600 lb body" where "Stephen" was I think 735 lb which converts to over 50 stn!

He was eating 3/4 pizzas a day and addicted to pain-killers

He had got where he was by bullying family, carers and medical professionals

He was perfectly polite, charming and compliant so long as he got his own way-otherwise he got what he wanted by being aggressive, rude and threatening

The episode was only the first part and I have yet to see how it worked out

I feel that there is a lesson there and the answer lies in moderation in all things!

[Becksagogo]

I'm afraid my response would be to leave it and then ask for help.

I had open heart surgery in July last year and my sister still comes and hoovers for me. I can't do it and it was my fault because I struggled through without asking for help.

Don't be a hero would be my advice.

[Dickyticker26 in reply to Becksagogo]

Many thanks for your response

At church everyone says that I look fine but have no interest in looking at my scars-it reminds me of the Caravaggio painting "The Incredulity of St Thomas" and of course they all have their own health problems

The 2 ladies who more or less run the church and tell the parish priest what to do are both ex-nurses

[Becksagogo in reply to Dickyticker26]

How funny. I don't look at mine either! It reminded me of a zip when I first had the op but now with the weight I have lost it just looks grey and boney like the rest of me!

I love the thought of a poor down trodden priest being chivvied by two ladies who I imagine to look like Les Dawson.

[Qualipop]

"Oh but you look alright". That's what I got from my husband after my heart attack. Simple answer- ASK; no don't ask, DEMAND.

[Dickyticker26 in reply to Qualipop]

Thanks for responding

The reaction I get is along the lines "It's no good coming to me for sympathy/ It's all your own fault/ If only you had listened to me in the first place this would never have happened/Do it yourself"

But not always of course

[Qualipop in reply to Dickyticker26]

I know what I'd do. I'd just leave it until they get off their b**********s

[Ianc2]

You cannot do heavy physical work after 3 months. Your breastbone is knitted together but It will take anything up to one year to gain full strength. It is time to get yourself a stick and an acting coach. Learn to say 'I hate to be a burden but.....' and 'Can you just.....' and 'I am not feeling well, can you peel the potatoes' and 'can you sort out your washing .. I will show you how to separate it' and stand back , smile sweetly and say ' thank you ever so much, I have to go for a little walk now to help my bones knit together and my breathing. Can one of you come with me..'