Need advice please.

[kefalonia1]

This is a really hard post for me to write .Because of the returned depression l have to admit l am drinking far too much wine alone. l can function, keep the house and myself clean and cook meals but the next day l feel really guilty. l do not want to go the AA route but just want advice on how to control it. When l drink l forget the fact l am on borrowed time and don`t hear the ticking AVR, and l don`t have horrendous flashbacks. Please don`t judge me l am not an old lush, l only drink after tea at weekends and in front of my Husband, but sneak extra glasses in when he has gone to bed. l was down this route 19 years ago after a double mastectomy and reconstruction and told myself it helped get me through chemo, but this time because the fear and endurance is so much worse l am finding it so much harder to control myself and can`t wait for the days l can drink to forget. Thanks, Sue x

[skid112 Heart Star]

Hi Sue,

No one is going to judge you here, casting stones and all that.

Firstly well done you have recognised the issue and now its time to take some positive steps. Did you see a counselor/anyone before for the depression? Can you revisit if you did? If not two options, good old google for local or time to have a chat with your GP and get a proper referral.

Is the wine a need, or can you pass a day or two without? Do you clock watch waiting for 'the right time'?

Hopefully we can help or at the very least point you in the right direction

Take care

Mark

[kefalonia1 in reply to skid112]

Hi Mark thanks for your reply. l only drink Fri, Sat & Sun evening. Mon to Thurs nothing because l never drink and drive. l look forward to the weekend and wine as a reward, which l know is dumb. l did speak to someone after l had breast cancer and she advised me to live my life while l was still here which depressed me even more and that most women will live 5 years so perhaps l should tell her that (touch wood) lm still cancer free 19 years on! l did Dry January with my Husband and one of our Sons so l know l can control myself but l wasn`t depressed then. (The recycling men did the sign of the cross when there were no wine bottles, they thought we were dead!) l am staying with my best friend this weekend so l am going to tell her my feelings she is a great listener. Whenever l think about my life l think of all the mistakes l have made and that l havn`t achieved much except to be a really good Wife and Mother but l did save the life of a 18 month child who was choking to death and had blue lips when the other member of staff who was a qualified life saver like me just froze, his Parents are eternally grateful he`s 5 now! l came off this site for a few months because l was focusing on getting on with life and l didn`t think l could help anyone here and l like helping other people but l realise l need to talk to people who have experienced my feelings of depression and impending doom. l was very happy before l saw the LEGOLAND advert but it triggered such sadness and l felt so hard done by and had "why me" syndrome. Thanks for listening, sorry to rant on, you really are a Heart Star. Sue x

[laura_dropstitch Heart Star in reply to kefalonia1]

That's great that you are going to talk things through with your friend. Remember you can message me whenever you like too x

[laura_dropstitch Heart Star]

Hi Sue. Sorry to hear you are still struggling to come to terms with all that has happened. You are definitely not alone in turning to alcohol in an attempt to make things easier and I'm sure nobody who knows what you have been through would judge you for it at all. It was really brave of you to write this post and well done for recognising the issue. It definitely seems like it's the depression and anxiety that is the core of your problem and those are not easy to resolve, I know. I do think you should talk to your GP and see what they suggest. I found talking therapy really helped me but it took a long time and felt pointless in the beginning. In terms of giving up alcohol, you might enjoy reading Claire Pooley's diary of going sober. She also used alcohol as emotional support and then dealt with a major health event sober. It's an easy read and not at all judgemental. Most important of all is not to try to cope with this alone. Sending lots of love and hugs to you xxxxx

[kefalonia1 in reply to laura_dropstitch]

Thanks for your reply Laura, you are a great Heart Star too.! Please read my reply to Mark and take care. Sue x

[kefalonia1 in reply to kefalonia1]

Thanks Laura, there are so many lovely people on this site we are so lucky. l`m going for a long walk now to try and clear the fog in my head. Take care, Sue x

[lizzie1986]

so sorry to hear u are struggling. i think these type of illnesses is something that we all struggle to cope with from time to time and i know how i feel myself when i feel like i have lost control over my own body and mind. i should definately recommend a trip to the dr and perhaps some cbt sessions... they really helped me develop new coping strategies. also talk to tour family.. make sure they really understand that you are struggling. also try and invest some time and maybe money on something u enjoy doing. since my heart attack i have struggled to get back on my feet but i have recently invested in my garden so i can enjoy being outdoor and having time to myself and also spend time walking my dog and going to aquafit. this might not be your cup of tea... it might be treating yourself to a nice bath or a massage but in any case fry be kind to yourself and do things that will help lift your mood. lastly know that we are all here for u and really do understand so keep in touch x

[kefalonia1]

Hi Lizzie, thanks for your reply. lts funny but l am thinking of making my garden nicer' The trouble is l have lost interest in most things except playing with my Grandchildren and in the back of my mind l know l am making memories for them because l don`t think l will be here to see them grow to 18, they are 8,6 &4. l am so cross with myself because l thought l had conquered this depression yet at night l listen to every tick of my AVR expecting it to be the last and lm relived to wake up for another day. How stupid is that l am the bravest strongest person on earth but this depression had floored me for a while. Please read my reply to Mark. Thanks, Sue x

[laura_dropstitch Heart Star in reply to kefalonia1]

Not stupid at all. I used to be (still am sometimes) obsessive about making memories of me for my daughter, for exactly the reasons you describe. That's probably why she still won't let me sleep through the night aged 6! I pretty much cuddled her constantly from the moment she was born in the hope she'd at least remember a warm feeling where I had once been, even if she wasn't old enough to remember me.

It's not surprising that you feel that anxiety given your health history, but I hope you will be able to find more confidence in your body by addressing your feelings. I still have my wobbly moments but I'm not living in constant dread and fear like I was once.

I think everybody gets to a stage where they feel they should have done more or been more, but you shouldn't underestimate the importance of your achievements as a wife and mother. And as a grandmother by the sounds of it! Plus saving a child's life (not many of us have made that sort of difference to the world) and inspiring so many of us with your courage and your sense of humour. You have made me guffaw when all I felt like doing was crying and have managed to make me laugh with your replies to this post, despite feeling so low yourself. These are incredible qualities, which is probably why you hold onto friends you made when you were 7! Anyway, I will let you get on with your day, but please know there are lots of us out here appreciating you and cheering you on x

[Zena166]

Hi Sue. Thank you for telling us your story. You are an amazing woman and although you don’t think it at the moment you are incredibly strong. To share with us what you are going through does take strength and the first step in helping. The fact that you only drink at the weekend and that you went sober for January means you do have some control. It’s just that you may need some help at the moment to see you through your dark times. As others have said try and see your GP and ask to be referred to a counsellor or health psychologist. They will help with coping strategies. You can also self refer to talking therapies. If you have an occupational health dept they may hep get a referral to a health psychologist for depression. You mentioned you haven’t done much with your life except be a good wife and mother those are the two most important jobs in the world. (I failed at both!) and the parents of the boy you saved will be eternally grateful because it could be a different story had you not been there. Please know that none of us are judging you. We just want to offer our support in anyway we can. Please keep in touch. I hope being with your friend helps this weekend but do seek further help from your GP. Take care and stay strong. Love and hugs. Zena xx

[kefalonia1]

Hi Zena, thank you for your kind words. l have just been out for a long walk and l feel a bit better now. The sun is shining and lm so grateful for all the support l have from all of you. l will write another post in a weeks time after l have had a good long chat with my Best Friend who l have known since we were 7yrs, she helped me when l was depressed before. Take care, Sue x