Live Grief

[MyBeanie]

Has anyone here had their family fractured by alienation?

[chloe40 Administrator]

Hi MyBeanie

Oh yes indeed!

I don't think its uncommon either.

Please do share your experiences with us.

Chloe

[MyBeanie in reply to chloe40]

Chloe…

It’s the worst pain in the world to be cut off from family. It’s an incredibly complicated story. But as punishment for the wrong words of concern about my daughter, her husband & she ripped the grandchildren away. I know people who have had this happen to them and the grief you feel is called ‘live grief’. I’ve lost my daughters who are ‘still alive’. I have nightmares and PTSD…at 72, it means suicidal ideation everyday. Nothing helps.

[chloe40 Administrator in reply to MyBeanie]

Hello MyBeanie

I really am so so sorry that your going through this awful torment. It's absolute torture, especially when there are grandchildren involved.

I am not surprised you have nightmares and PTSD, unless you've been through this, no one would really understand the pain and distress attached {{{hugs}}}

It did happen to me, but there were no grandchildren involved, it was my mother and siblings. The isolation led to agoraphobia and the panic was just hell. I did finally get over both but I have a good idea what you're experiencing.

MyBeanie Please chat with your doctor, it's really important you receive the help you need urgently x

I would also try whatever you can to make them understand, write and keeping writing, send cards on birthdays etc especially to the grandchildren, writing them letters too. They will one day realise and come to their senses. Meanwhile, please do keep in touch, I'm here for you as we all are x

Chloe

[MyBeanie in reply to chloe40]

Oh Chloe- I thank you so much. But sadly they have kept all that information from me: I don’t have addresses 😟

[Caza in reply to chloe40]

This is sad Chloe, were you ever able to resolve it?

[chloe40 Administrator in reply to Caza]

Yes, eventually but our close relationship was never the same and I'm still not in contact with one brother, all because I'd moved half an hour away, can you believe that?

Madness but there you are.

[Caza in reply to chloe40]

His loss Chloe, how lovely would it be if all you had to worry about is doing 30min extra driving. As you say madness

[chloe40 Administrator in reply to Caza]

There we are Caza

It still hurts at times but .......

x

[MyBeanie in reply to chloe40]

Hello CHLOE,

Thank you for your kind remarks, but I clearly misunderstood what ‘Health Unlocked’ was about. I actually don’t think “as we all are” is how it works. It appears that people write directly to you with ‘one upmanship” stories. Being ignored is about the last way for someone to feel supported.

Not sure how to unsubscribe, but I might as well. Thanks anyway.

[chloe40 Administrator in reply to MyBeanie]

Hello MyBeanie

"As we all are" refers to our members being supportive and kind towards you, that is what this forum is for, supporting one another in grief.

I'm sorry you feel it does not. If you wish to leave the forum, you only need to click on the arrow beside 'Write' at the top of the page.

I wish you peace.

[MyBeanie in reply to chloe40]

Thanks, but I saw no supportive comments directed to me, except from you. Did I miss something? My question and description of my grief was ignored, and it turned into support for Casa. I had hoped that as the administrator, you’d have tried to bring me into the conversation. But I can see that there are some big personalities here and it was too hard to do. Thanks anyway.

[Caza]

yes me too. My son had a complete mental & physical breakdown 5 yrs ago. He was a wreck & lost everything he’d worked so hard for. He needed major back surgery because he couldn’t move . What did his wife do? She upped & moved back with their child to the country where she’d come from. Apparently she thought this would make him pull himself together & he’d ride over on a white horse & bring them back ( her words not mine). He couldn’t move & his head was a mess anxiety panic attacks screaming at night with horrendous nightmares. Everyday I thought he would lose the fight. I tried hard to stay in-contact with my grandson. Went over & faced the hostility of her family, who apparently don’t do mental health problems he should just pull himself together, yeah right like it’s that easy. I was very close to my grandson & looked after him since the day he was born on a regular basis. Even coming back off holiday to look after him when he was ill. Mum couldn’t cope. We had a very close relationship. I went over to see him but they were making it harder & harder, the last time I went his other grandmother hurled such abuse at me infront of my grandson that I decided I couldn’t go back it wasn’t fair on him. That was four yrs ago. It was so hard. My crime apparently was giving my son a roof over his head & supporting him in his fight to get physically & mentally better which he almost has. None of my family are allowed contact meaning we’d have to go through the courts not fair on the child.

I send cards but have no idea if he gets them. I’ve opened up a bank account & put money in every birthday Christmas & Easter and in my Will my grandson will inherit that account. That way he’ll know we cared very much for him. It hurts but life goes on & im just so grateful that my sons pulled through By the way she moved out 3 days after his breakdown that’s commitment for you!!!

[chloe40 Administrator in reply to Caza]

My Caza

That's almost unbelievable, how utterly callous of her to abandon him and take your grandson

away from all who loved him.

That's just so tough for all of you and I'm really sorry your son has been through such a horrible time and am thankful for you all that he is well on his way to recovery now, no thanks to his so called wife.....how could he take away his son at a time he most needed him.

Chloe x

[Caza]

utterly cruel. There was absolutely no reason for her to have done that. I looked after him for 3weeks whilst they were away skiing. He was just over a yr. She never rang once. So she must of fully trusted me & yet when I visited him in her country I wasn’t allowed to be on my own with him incase I snatched him. I wouldn’t have hurt him for the world & to take him from his mother would’ve hurt him a great deal. It needn’t of been like that. Over now, it’ll take an awful lot for me to ever trust again.

[Turnipgirl]

Yes due to emotional abuse and I wish I had done it sooner but what's done is done and you can only do your best with your knowledge and experience you have at the time.

What led me to this decision was back in March I found out that my mother and sister were going away to Japan together and I was absolutely furious as I felt it was unfair that I have been denied the same opportunities for no good reason other than favouritism and this was the final nail in the coffin so I decided that the best course of action was to let them go and cut them off and get on with my life and that I did a few weeks back and feel better for it as well.

It's what things like that represent that upset me rather than the things themselves!

[secrets22]

Oh yes, very much so, and I've discovered that family is not all it's cracked up to be.

[kenster1 Volunteer]

my brother alienated himself from the family right after our dad died that was his choice and his only family now is in a bottle of alcohol shame really we did try.