One year anniversary of my brother’s funeral

[Mumbutterfly]

I was working on the anniversary of his death and couldn’t talk to anyone about it because I’m a caregiver and they don’t know about my personal life. I think it’s harder to bring up because it wasn’t a natural death so it requires explanation.

We will probably never know whether it was a murder/suicide or two murders and that makes it harder too. It still feels so unreal and that has made it hard to grieve. Maybe I’m just dissociating but I think it’s been hard for the rest of my family as well.

His daughter seems to be doing okay, but, like most in this family, she doesn’t talk about how she really feels. She’s living with her other grandmother now and they don’t take her to therapy. She’s doing better in school now that she’s back at her old one so maybe she’ll be okay.

Writing this has finally released the tears. I think I was waiting until I was able to post this.

[chloe40 Administrator]

Hello Mumbutterfly

It’s good to hear from you, it’s been a while x

Yours is a very difficult situation indeed, I remember it well. I can only imagine how questions go around in your heads, never being certain what happened, it must be very unsettling for all of you.

Anniversary’s and the lead up to, are always painful, bringing up many memories both good and bad. It’s tough that you’re unable to share with others but I totally understand why .

I’m particularly pleased to know your niece seems to be doing better, that was a worry for you.

Please take care x

Chloe

[Mumbutterfly in reply to chloe40]

Thank you for taking the time to reply. I knew the anniversaries would be hard but didn’t realize that the lead up to was a thing. I thought it was just my anxiety that caused it to be difficult.

Someone got into their house a few weeks after their deaths. There was no sign of forced entry and he ransacked the house, upending boxes of clothes that had been packed up and throwing them around. They also accessed a secret room in an outbuilding that even the family didn’t know about until after the deaths. My brothers set up cameras and caught him on video when he came back the next day. He was caught and charged with theft and his place was filled with stolen property from other people who had died.

Before the deaths, neighbors had seen multiple men at the house during the times when my brother was away from home for work. Times when his wife was there and his daughter was at school. I think this guy was one of them and that she told him, and probably others as well, about the secret room. This one was the wrong one to tell and he either took advantage of the knowledge or possibly even killed them to be able to come back later to steal what he thought would be really valuable stuff. She had made up and spread a tale of hidden wealth which wasn’t true because he took out a second mortgage to support them while he was looking for another job. I think that this time she lied her way into getting herself and my brother killed. I’m hoping that the truth of this will be revealed during the investigation into his thefts. If not, I will always wonder if he was the one responsible.

[chloe40 Administrator in reply to Mumbutterfly]

That's just horrible Mumbutterfly and I'm so sorry that you've been through this and continue to x

It's all so sad,

Please do take care of yourself,

Chloe