Birthday coming up: My daughter died in... - Bereavement Care ...

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Birthday coming up

LilyAnnepuppy profile image
14 Replies

My daughter died in January of 2021. So it’s only been two years. Her birthday is March 10th. But so is my husband’s. He’ll be 75.

I have mixed emotions about the day. On one hand I want to celebrate his day. But on the other hand, I will grieve and wish the day wouldn’t come.

I know I’ll be able to do both. But I just thought I’d reach out and share my dilemma.

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LilyAnnepuppy profile image
LilyAnnepuppy
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14 Replies
Nathalie99 profile image
Nathalie99

I am so very sorry for the loss of your daughter, LilyAnnepuppy.

It is devastating and it is very difficult to separate different events when they happen at the same time. I have tried to separate the good from the bad (a loss) and it hasn't been easy, it was hard to allow myself to feel the positive emotions from something important happening in my life while I also suffered a loss.

I did that and I guess I try to keep those events two separate things. At times it is very hard and support, at that time especially, really helped a great deal.

Maybe having something planned for your daughter earlier could help with having another day to celebrate your husband's birthday...

optimismrus profile image
optimismrus

Nathalie99 gave good advice. I'm so sorry you lost your daughter, I lost mine, too when she was 25... many years ago. Over time I learned to be thankful when something or someone reminded me of her. I think of it as a time to remember how grateful I am she was mine. Someday, you will too, I hope. Thank you for sharing your pain. You are strong and wise and you'll find a way to celebrate your husband's milestone bday. Best wishes to you 🥰

chloe40 profile image
chloe40Administrator in reply tooptimismrus

Thank you @optimisrus

What truly lovely words of support <3

LilyAnnepuppy profile image
LilyAnnepuppy in reply tooptimismrus

Thank you.

Caza profile image
Caza in reply tooptimismrus

lovely positive words.

kenster1 profile image
kenster1Volunteer

when Christmas comes first thing I do is go down the graveyard pay my respects to my loved ones then spend the rest of the day with my family maybe something similar could help you on that day as well.

Starrlight profile image
Starrlight

❤️

LilyAnnepuppy profile image
LilyAnnepuppy in reply toStarrlight

Thank you, Star.

Starrlight profile image
Starrlight in reply toLilyAnnepuppy

You’re welcome and ✨Healing✨ to you

Caza profile image
Caza

it’s so hard isn’t it. My daughter’s funeral was just 4 days before my birthday. Still I hate being given flowers on my birthday.

How is your husband feeling? What would he like to do? For me my daughters birth was a brilliant day so I try to remember the good times & we have her favourite food & cake & let off balloons.

I always have a cry on my own at the end of the day, wishing things were different.

This year my husband was really poorly so her birthday was sidelined I didn’t like that at all.

I think what Kenny said makes sense, try & do both.

LilyAnnepuppy profile image
LilyAnnepuppy in reply toCaza

Yes I can do both. Celebrate him and honor her.

LilyAnnepuppy profile image
LilyAnnepuppy

54

LilyAnnepuppy profile image
LilyAnnepuppy

Thank you. You’re right. This year is better than last year.

kenster1 profile image
kenster1Volunteer

hope your ok today LAP thinking of you.

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