Fathers Day tributes

[chloe40]

Please add yours to our forum a this Sunday is Fathers Day in UK.

Chloe

[chloe40 Administrator]

Dear Dad,

Your memory is a clear as ever, your ways still fresh in my mind.

The day we lost you has been so painful and still is but we try to think about the good times and not the bad.

Always with me.

Chloe

[Greyone in reply to chloe40]

Dear Dad

When you left us so suddenly 16 years ago, it seems I did not miss you at all. I did not see any need to visit because your departure seemed so well timed. But in all the years you were patiently waiting I was too selfish to see the change in us all.

I never even thought about you till Easter last year when I suddenly realised why.

I do remember the day you died, even though I played no part in it. I did not rush to the hospital to say goodbye and I cannot begin to imagine what mum said to my sister, I just remember getting the phone call from the hospital when you passed away so quietly.

I still have your ring and watches sitting on my desk in front of me. Your ring was gone such an odd shape. I did not and would not think of having it straightened to wear, it is such a personal thing and I think I would love it less. Your watch that was a present form your mum and dad had been restored for me. The one from your Dad, given to him 70 years ago, I did wear for a while, sits with it.

I have kept them all safe and dare not even look at them for fear of calling back too much. Despite or maybe because I’m on my own, it is so very hard to write to you. The enormity of my loss didn’t hit home till mum joined you and now all I can do is cry uncontrollably inconsolably so I let it all come and go but fear not it is not just for you but now my tears are for you both for my irreplaceable indescribable loss.

As you know SIS and I are still in this house you both made for us. I sit on the sofa just as we did for over fifty years, I look at the garden you both tended for even longer and the garage you had built not full of 4 lives of memories.

The good memories do help but they cannot hold back or hasten the flow of tears or fill the enormity of my loss which now takes me by surprise and never leaves me for long.

Even now as I write I cannot stop myself crying my anguish in intermittent sobs. So long in coming. But they are here now and welcome so I can at least do justice to the part you both played in building and shaping me and making me what I am. Turning into an old man soon to retire from life and who n=knows be with you both soon.

My time is becoming filled with the kind of visits you and mum used to make to doctor and hospital. All those minor ailments that come with old age are now starting to appear.

Even now I cannot believe how my life has changed since you both went. All those things I should have learnt from you but never did and maybe never would.

Your house is now my house. But we will soon be gone We have both promised to sell and move on so that this dreadful burden can be taken from me. It is the last thing I must let go of, your house my house this wearisome burden that holds me back. I cannot even imagine what life would be like without this house. I hope I am allowed to keep some pieces of furniture from the greedy one. But I think another final task I must undertake is to learn how to talk about such things to the family.

I am sorry to you both that I never flew the nest nor married, or gave you both grandchildren. But I’m sure you both know I never was I will never be ready for that. So so too late to be what others have been and what you both may have wanted.

I spent a weekend here on my own and realised at long last how dreadful it can be on your own. Stupidly and selfishly I thought I wanted that. And I did. But in time I noticed that was so selfish of me. But making amends is so difficult, I 've never done it before even though my ignorant fears have never come to pass.

I have though, realised why things were the way they were. The things we cannot do because of our imperfections, that hold us back because you both made me the way I am.

I am too tired now to carry on with this. I'll be with you soon if I am not too tired. I have never found any balm to heal me. Nothing in any of those stupid books truly helps. It must be the burden of life that we have to carry the burden of loss with us, that gets heavier as we get old.

The tears and sibs are stopping now so I will send this to you before I go and I suppose my final tribute to you both will be to do as you say and do the best I can.

[Greyone in reply to Greyone]

Today was my annual hospital eye test. Which like many involves sitting around for seemingly long periods waiting to see people. During my penultimate pitstop, I had a sudden and quiet outbreak of tears. As some say like a wave.

Not sure if it is related to my recent daddy monologue, maybe, maybe not, maybe just a coincidence. But just a thought.

[chloe40 Administrator in reply to Greyone]

Actually Greyone

The very same thing happened to me, so I can only imagine it's a unconscious reactionary action to recent events {{{hugs}}}

Hope you appointment went well.

Chloe

[dillydally1]

dad, just been over two years since you left us, I miss you so much, look at your picture every day, love you so much and miss your voice. love you dad xx

[kenster1 Volunteer]

dear popeye.

last year we had lost you only a matter of weeks and it was hard going for me.i felt a broken man mentally and emotional on fathers day and it was hard to get through.a year on I don't really know what I feel but things hopefully are improving.my regular visits are helping me deal with your passing it keeps me close as the grieving seems strange.apart from last year ive been sad but ok in general.ive had a few difficult episodes but managed to hold on.maybe you really are looking down on me and guiding me along.sunday will be my 3rd visit in a week but visiting you comes before me receiving gifts from my kids.

p,s have a beer from me up in heaven happy fathers day rest in peace.

[kenster1 Volunteer]

went down the graveyard again today.i washed both my mum/dads headstone and my aunts I cleaned my sons a couple of days ago.today my son should be coming to see me being fathers day and I should be visiting my dad who knows the 3 of us might even have went for a beer together.i didn't cry or show emotion I just sat and talked.again happy fathers day to all our dads up in heaven.

[chloe40 Administrator in reply to kenster1]

Such a wonderful person you are Kenny <3

Chloe

[kenster1 Volunteer in reply to chloe40]

thank you chloe.

[Lezneed2ruth]

My profile photo June 2018 my mum&Dad, My sons & girlfriends my stepdaughter, I'm the 1 wearing orange, also 4 of my 6 grandkids. Celebrating Dad's 69th birthday and Fathers day. Remember Dad it was a a sunny beautiful day, we sang happy birthday to you as i brought in your cake so you could blow out your candles. So overwhelmed with emotions today, not because of fathers day..Well not much 😞Mostly due to video of us singing happy birthday and your face lights up & you clap your hands, so cute you actually reminded me of little boy. Obviously I am the loudest at hollering hip hip hooray 😝 as you blew candles out.

I imagine we all made a wish for you Daddy. Even though you were already in treatment but we were winning 👊 even though you couldn't eat solid meals, Not even your own birthday cake 😕 We had such positive thoughts and positive conversations about our plans for next year...... One being full family trip to Wales, hay Dad remember the first round of treatments, lovely nurse? she was doing Q&A forms with you and you telling her about your walk up Snowden, 2 weeks before. Yeah you know the 1..? And I turned and jokingly says ppf! I swear I will take you up that Snowden mountain and chuck you right off the edge!

IF! This sh*t, EVER gets to much for you Dad.. I promise. You just say the word! Daddy.. The poor nurse shot a look at me and head spinning looks at you stammering wha wha she say.... 😁 You just raised those big brown eyebrows of yours lowered your head laughing at me.

Ay🤪 Dad🤣 it's funny coz it's true, isn't it Daddy. I would have kept to my word. But like I say we WAS WINNING. 🥇👊

then your scan showed secondary spread. But the primary area was still good. So ding ding round 2... January 2019 And again 👊👊👊🥇 winning. I know you was still in the mind-set of positive thoughts and assertive to give living a damm good going, rebuild the old trains track and models, for your 4 great grandsons and your beautiful great granddaughter. You really looking forward to number 2 great granddaughter, she's beautiful dad, actually she's 4 weeks old, today.

Love you so much Dad.

soo open are these fresh wounds of grief, so unexpected.

p. s before I go, Dad can I borrow your glue gun? Please. I will bring it back when I'm finished. 😉

[chloe40 Administrator in reply to Lezneed2ruth]

Bless you Lezneed2ruth <3

Chloe

[Lperica10]

I love and miss u dad so much. 63 is gone too young. But I am glad to have had that time with u. So many good memories. A little over 2 1/2 years now since you passed. I am now 5 almost 6 months pregnant with your first grandbaby - boy - you would be thrilled after having 3 daughters. You would’ve been the best grandfather ever. I am so sad he won’t know you but I know somehow he will. After 5 years of infertility, failed fertility treatments, including 2 (IVF) miscarriages I know this is something you wanted for me so bad too. This baby happened naturally after we accepted kids weren’t in our future. Who would have thought? So I know it will be okay. I love you so much.