How are our recently bereaved members?

[chloe40]

We loved to know how you are.

Chloe

[GoGo_JoJo]

Well I'm about to come round to the first anniversary of my mother's death at 63, I've just come through the 1st anniversary of losing a very dear elderly friend. Losing her was not really any easier for knowing that with her advanced age of 93 it was sort of time. Fast on the heels of those will be 5 years since my Dad died suddenly at 56.

Suffice to say emotions are a little too close to the surface at times. Yesterday we gave notice at the registrar for our upcoming marriage in June and I wasn't prepared for being asked my Dad's details... whilst he won't be there to witness the day, or give me away at least he's on the records I guess.

Ups and downs. I'm still annoyed with my mother. I guess I'm less saddened with her death than cheated and annoyed that she didn't try harder. She just wanted to die after my Dad's death and got her way 4 years later. Such a waste. She/we could have had very different memories.

Time will soften these hurts. They are already less. Mostly I miss my dear friend. We had such fun together in spite of the huge age difference.

[chloe40 Administrator in reply to GoGo_JoJo]

Hi GoGo_JoJo

My, that's a lot of loss in a short space of time. I would imagine you've had many overwhelming emotions throughout and it will certainly take time to come through this, but you sound positive and I can 'read' that you have thought all this through and managed to compartmentalise each.

Strange how we often feel the deepest sense of loss for a close friend, I felt the same, perhaps because a dear friendship is often on a different level of emotion if that makes sense Jo?

Congratulations! this is wonderful news, yet I do understand that you were caught unawares when asked for your Dad's details, the unexpected always catches us out <3

Chloe

[GoGo_JoJo in reply to chloe40]

I think it is "levels" 🤔 Catharina often wished I was the daughter she never had. I always told her far better to be friends, that way I'm with her from choice and not duty. Both of us didn't really get on with our mothers so she did know the true value of my love.

I sort of think that's what really wound me up with my mother. I told her when my Dad died that no one could ever go back and change the past but that anyone could start today and create a new ending. That I would be a friend to her if that's what she wanted and that's what I tried so hard to do. I put aside all of my own needs for any real mother/daughter relationship and was a better friend to her than I ever thought I could be given our past and yet nothing was ever going to be enough. At least I know I tried, which years ago I never thought I would.