Hello, im new to this blog but not to behcets disease. I have been suffering for 14 years.
I just thought i would pluck up the courage to talk to other sufferers. I have avoided this for years, not sure why???
Anyway in an extreme short version the present problem im having is.......this is hard!!!!!
Last 2 and a half years my partner has been my full time carer and have been housebound until the last two months.
The immune suppresents ive been on the last 2 and ahalf years has just kicked in, which is amazing but not sure if body and mind in emotional shock as it was overnight. one day in bed, next able to do things i havent been able to for years. This has then continued for 2 months now with odd days of suffering.
Dont get me wrong completely ecstatic with this life im experiencing, but the problem is i have told my partner i have fallen out of love with him. It kills me as he has cared for me not just full time in recent years but over our 15 year relationship. and he is an amazing guy!! We have a 13 year old son together. Not mentioning saving my life free years ago, but thats another story......
My son and i are on our own at the moment, my partner has been not living with us for 3 weeks now.
I just wanted to see if anyone has experienced the feelings i am now having. Im feeling more independant and im pushing loved ones away ( i think ). feeling like i dont need anyone, feeling quite a cold emotionless person. This is not my personality at all. feel quite robotic as if im opening my mouth and talking, and its not quite me talking. Feeling very distant and feel like im trying to lead a separate life on the edge and out of character.
Or maybe this is me 14 years ago and cant remember. I know i was extremely bubbly, fun, always having a laugh.
My partner is distralt, but all i can say is what i have said to my partner. I feel completely confident that im not inlove with him anymore and these feelings have been getting worse in the last year.
This isnt the first time i have fallen out of love with him, it happened 6 years ago. we broke up for 3 months then got back together.
I just dont know if all what has happened in the previous years with my illness can make you fall out of love!!
Is it the behcets?? messing with my feelings and emotions?? ( i had an MRI scan 3 weeks ago showing inflamation around the outer membrane of my brain but not on inside, i am on treatment for this)
Are my feelings genuine??
The reason im doubting myself now is this is what a few friends and family have said to me recently as i have been mentally affected by bechets before and a few years back i wasnt on right medication. the medication was slowly poisoning me masking the behcets not treating it so it got into my brain and made me act completely out of character for a few months, then even though i dont remember what happened and i definatley did not plan or remember how i did it, but i comitted suicide and had two cardiac arrests. was in coma for a week. nearest and dearest were told she wont survive.
Well.....im here to tell!!
Wow, that was hard to tell.
Anyone had or having similar experiences??
Thanks for listening to me blurting.....x