emotional rollercoaster doesnt even begin to describe what i have experienced since being diagnosed.I have experienced, sadness, depression, anger, fear, rage, I have been suicidal but then on the flipside I have had periods of confidence that I can deal with this illness and start living again. and then bang i fall back into sadness, depression. plus the fact being newly diagnosed i need and want to get as much information as possible. And getting this information can in itself be depressing. anyway during one of my darker moments I wrote a poem and am going to post it here in the hope that it may help someone going through this scary emotional termoil. its called hope:-
Some days are good, Some days are bad,
but today was, by far, the worst day I"ve had,
sitting alone in my hospital bed
with suicidal thoughts going round in my head.
wishing to live but wanting to die
wanting to laugh but only reasons to cry.
this feels so unfare why this happening to me?
Oh sorry I forgot to mention I"ve got hiv!
but I daren"t tell you that" cause I realy need friends
and from experience, mention hiv, friendship soon ends.
so alone with my thoughts in my hospital bed
wanting to end it, wishing myself dead.
but what of the good days? because they aren"t always this bad
and although right now I"m confused scared and sad
is that really a reason to swing from a rope?
because there is always tomorow and in tomorow lies hope.
ps thanks all for kind messages they mean a lot. sammysam1337