I am 22. I was just diagnosed with H while traveling overseas. I had met this guy, and we started with condoms. After a few times and some drinks, it didn't get used. A few days later I had moved islands and left him, and saw what looked like a tear on the inside of my vagina lip, it worsened quickly and more "tears" began to appear. After 3 days of indescribable pain and going to three hospitals,I was ready to get real answers, expecting to have been torn from rough sex and them been infected. To my surprise and dismay, I was told right away it was herpes, contracted most likely from the guy I had just met. I am devastated, not only did that end my trip and make it the worst decision of my life to go over there, and a giant waste of money, but I had to sit on a plane in pain for 29 hours to get back home.
I am so ashamed, embarrassed, and disgusted with myself. And it's even worse because it was in no way worth it, I regret everything. I don't want people to know I'm home because I don't want to have to answer why I am early or what's wrong with me. I feel like if people look at me they're going to know what I have and that I'm dirty and be made fun of and called a whore. People around here don't accept things like this at all, and I can't blame them because I wouldn't either. I haven't stopped crying since I found out and I don't want to leave my room. I can't look my parents in the eye. I don't want to talk to anyone. I feel like no one is going to ever want me. I have struggled with bad depression and relationships as it is, and rarely find someone I like. Now when I finally do find someone every now and then they aren't going to want me. And I can't blame them because I wouldn't want me either. I wouldn't want to be with someone that had herpes, so I can't expect them to either. And I don't want to give it to them. I don't want to continue with any part of my normal life because I am disgusted and embarrassed with myself and I just want it to go away but there's nothing I can do to change it. My parents are supportive but they don't understand how the people my age here are. They're so judgmental and follow stigmas very closely. And if I do ever attempt to tell someone, I know they're going to be disgusted and want nothing to do with me, as well as go tell all of their friends and then everyone will know. I'm also scared I'm going to have a lot of outbreaks, because this first one has been the worst pain I've been in in my entire life. And I'm scared I'll have issues keeping a job due to this because I have been struggling to move for a few days. I also have found myself thinking it doesn't matter if I gain weight or don't take care of my appearance now anyways because no one will want me as it is. I'm so devastated and alone I don't know what to do, I've had so many other issues already in my life this was the absolute last thing I needed. I don't want to be here, I just want it to be gone and be normal again, but it never will be. I'm miserable and feel life is over and so soooo angry.
To make matters worse things with my ex have started to get better and I was suppose to go see him for my birthday next week. (Great bday figuring this out huh ) Now I'm not going, feel awkward even talking to him about normal things. I feel I'm never going to get to be with him again. I can't imagine telling him, and even if I did he wouldn't run, he's a hypochondriac as it is and would be appalled. He's going to be so upset and confused about why I don't want to hang out or have sex with him and he's gonna keep trying and saying no is going to be so hard but I can't tell him or risk him getting it.