HIV Anxiety

Hello, I was wondering if I could get other stories from anyone who suffers from anxiety around contracting HIV. I consider myself well educated around sexual health but nevertheless experience crippling anxiety.

I engage, infrequently, in what is classed as low risk activity, or low risk activity where the presence of a sore may increase the risk but based on a low number of confirmed cases, the risk is still classified as low.

The next day I start to question what the risk was, reading online journals and professional texts to learn its low risk. I then start to worry whether I should ask for PEP, knowing I won't receive it. I try to tell myself that this must mean I don't have HIV, because otherwise they would give me PEP. Then I call numerous charities, NHS helpline, THT etc. to ask about the risk and they tell me similar things, that its low. (I donate each time to make sure I'm not wasting their time). I then send questions online to ask the same question. I then book GUM clinic appointments to ask them. Whilst I get similar response each time, that I should not be concerned...I keep searching for a damning response. Its almost as if, because the answer of a test can only be yes or no, then for me it becomes a 50/50 chance.

I stress uncontrollably and check my lymph nodes, wonder whether that ache in my shoulder is a new ache or wonder why I haven't eaten dinner at my normal time. If I have a blocked nose after the event I say "well that can't be coincidence". I wonder then if stressing so much is giving me these cold like symptoms?

The window period is so long it means that everyday for four weeks I am tearing myself apart from the inside.

I then have a test and get a negative result and I am fine until the next encounter.

"oh I had a small mouth ulcer, so I must have it"

"oh I had a superficial cut on my finger, so I must have it"

I know people with HIV and for me its not a problem, just to be clear. And like I said before, I am educated and take precautions where I can (i.e. using protection for penetrative actions).

So please do not dismiss this post as someone who is new to the game and dumb.

I would just like to know if anyone else is in a similar situation and how they are managing it.

Thank you

6 Replies

Hi man, I am in to same board feeling like stress like anything.

Below is my case-

Had sex on 14 feb with CSW don't know her status.

I am always very careful about std don't know what happen that night to me.

1st round was oral sex she performed on me was unprotected and later after 20 minutes vaginal sex protected. I didn't ejaculated as I was very nervous of std.

finally she took of the condom and did the hand job in second round. When she took out condom I ask her to see the condom there was some fluid at the end of condom head she said it is your Precum from second round or left over in penis from first round. Not sure if condom was broke.

After 2 weeks from the incident I got throat infection 2 weeks I was on antibiotics, followed rashes 2-3 at back side of shoulder took 2 weeks to heal then I got UTI for 1 weeks then all symptoms I have noticed over 3 months.

Such as dry mouth, dry lips this two still persists, loss of aptetiete, 10 Kg weight loss I was 92kg now I am 82 kg.

Since last Last one month I have stomach pain / cramping. Leg, neck and muscle pain comes and goes very frequent.

I feel very tiered and no energy, cannot concentrate on anything. Hardly sleeping 3 hours every day last 2-3 weeks.

My street started actually mid march that is 4 weeks from the start exposure.

Below is what tests I conducted till date all are negative but still symptoms exists don't know what's happening.

4 weeks Elisa test - negative (hiv, hep b, hep c and syphiss)

6 week duo 4th gen - negative (hiv, hep b, hep c and syphiss)

8 weeks complete STD profile all negative

10 weeks just hiv - negative

12 weeks hiv rapid test - negative

13 weeks duo 4th gen - negative (hiv, hep b, hep c and syphiss)

Can some one some advise

1) what are my chances to turn my positive?

2) Are there any cases took 6 months to turn positive ? Do we know what were the medical conditions of the indidivual?


Hello Sir. You are negative. The test results conclusively prove that.


Thanks AMA

Not sure why I still have symptoms I am I the one that takes long to produce antibodies. I have read some one with immune difieciency disease would take 6 months to test hiv positive. As far as I know I don't have any such disease. I have vitamin D deficiency and I take supplements for that. Does that effect window period?

I get sick 2 times in year with normal flu / cold that should week our Immune system.

Lot of questions in mind with all hiv symptoms exists.

Please advise do I need to test further at 6 months??



What your last test?


i was raped by 9 men, it took 5 months and 9 days to be finally given the news that 5 or more of the men had AIDs, but having had test after test over the 5 months, that did not give a result, the docs and nurses had said just have one more test and make sure that the results, were clearer, but it was that test that, i wrongly then believed would end my life.

but 20 years after those bastard's tried to end my life, as they all never they were dieing, i am still here but they are all dead, i know this because the last one who at the time was someone i loved, but even then i didn't trust him, i don't know why but there was some thing. myself my new boyfriend and 2 friends, who had been asking for months to get me to going out, but i could not even think off being back in a gay bar, but it was a special even on a sunday afternoon, we would only be out for 3 or 4 hrs, their would all not let me out of sight. so we went, after an hour or so i did feel safe but with an odd feeling, i could'nt say why.

having one 2 or 3 drinks i needed the toilet, i asked the men was, it down stairs, you need a code to open the door, my friend said there you go it safe, i will come down with you, ok thanks, we quick got in placed the coded door, there were 3 or 4 guys in their i wanted the lockup, my friendwas happy in the chofe, he finshed just as i finally got into the one and only lock-up, he said do you want me to wait, no its ok, i will see you all back upstairs, ok see.

i finshed, washed my hands, nothing to dry them on, do things never change in mens loos. as i open the door a guy pushed me out of the way, so i was looking back as i walked out the door, then i walked into some thing or someones leg which was stopping me, i looked up, to my total shock it was my ex, high boi he said, oh Sir, i believed we would never meet again, well we have , as he dragged me into the ladies loo, you look good boi, thank you Sir, he made sure the room was empty, he locked the outter door, had i not just been to the loo, would have wet myself, he pushed me into one of the lockups, and raped me all over again but he made me watch whilst he up on 2 condoms, the he pushed me back against the wall, and as he did it, he filled in all the bits that i could not remember and why i could'nt remember. he said he was dieing and had been looking for me for the last 4 years and it had to be fait, that just when he was going to have give up, i walk in the door. the guys your with look good, which one is yours, i hold him, i would have told him anything to get this over and done with. he put this hand round my neck and said i want you to enjoy this, so play with my cock in your ass boi, or i will have to hurt you boi, he pull my shirt over my head and grabbed hold of my left nipple, very hard grip, he let go off my neck and took hold of my soft cock and balls twisting them again as hard as he could, enjoy it boi, i did what he waited. i dont know how long it lasted, but i felt him cum, he pulled out, pulled me backward, and made me sit on the sit, he now took hold of both my nipples and he said i have been told that its not rape, if the other person cums, so start wanking boi, as i did, he pulled and twisted, and finshed telling why he , had raped me the first time, they had all meet at in a hiv hospital unit, and had joked about what they all wanted to do before they dieded, they said silly things at that time, after leave hospital they had a small get together, drinking and smoking pot, and the silly things turned into what they did to me. why me i asked, you were picked, what could be better than a part disabled barman, who the hell, was ever going to date you. we discovered that you were into S&M, we found guys you had served and they told us all your likes and dislikes, after that, one of us was picked. with what we did to you, you were to have died, but some thing went wrong, so i have been looking for you ever since, just to put the record straight.

so 20 years later, i quickly started taking hiv drugs and i have been undetectable now for 14 years, so with the new drugs on offer from the nhs, i could live well into my 90's.

the sad thing is thousand of gay, bi or straight people died long before they should have done, when hiv was first told about, back before that i been wond about a blood dease, that was already making people ill all over the world, the nhs consultant i worked for, and got to travel the world with, whilst she was in lab after lab, and meeting after meetings, were i took her notes. i asked her what is this, it not beed named yet but it we believe will kill more people than died in the 1st and 2nd wars together, we believe it will kill many millions or more, it seems to be spread sexually, or with contaminated blood, so i had always made sur that if i had full sex, then they were a condom or was off limites. this was another turn on to my rapists, as i was always having blood tests.

to end i have last to many friends before the drugs started to work and please god i never ever want to go to a funeral, were i am the only one their, as families disowned their own sons.

lastly i believe that PEP should be a last option, doctors are giving out the wrong message, and people believe that they can remove the condom, as they can get PEP, straight after. this drug will undo years and years of work telling about safe sex. we need to feel internet sights like facebook, twitter, gay remeo, grinder and many others, stating that HIV well be running rive and what happens when nhs can no long give PEP away or worse still it just stops working like many, many HIV drugs that we have had over the last 45 to 50 yrs. so rashen PEP, as i heard 2 young guys talking, one said you had PEP yet yes twice, how about you once for me, its just like going to a sweet shop and we can do or have who we like!!!!!!!!!!!


Well if you are in UK you probably know the statistics: The Guardian reported that there are about 140000 people living with HIV in UK. Of those about 45% are men who have sex with men and about the same are people of both genders from sub-saharan africa. Add to that drug users who share needles and those sex workers who are not careful. The likelihood of getting it from low risk sex is obviously small.

But that does not really help and possibly you may - from cultural or upbringing - feel guilty about sex in general. Perhaps you could find a counsellor? Relate do sexual guidance, you don't have to be married etc and it costs!


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