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I am a 63 year old widow with genital herpes and I am dating a 64 y/o man. I have discussed this with him and my physician said I did not

need to worry about givng him herpes if I don't have an outbreak, but the stuff online is downright scary. I don't remember the last time I had an outbreak. Should he always wear condoms when we have sex and his he safe to perform oral sex on me?

3 Replies

Unfortunate;y your physician information is out of date. Yes you can still pass HSV on even when there isn't a breakout, it's called shedding.

How do you know that he hasn't already got HSV? Remember it's not part of any standard STD testing. Do you know which type of HSV you are ie type 1 or type 2.

To reduce the risk of transmission (if he hasn't already got it) you can take anti-virals; Valtrex or Acyclovir, and use safe sex practices. However there is still a small risk.


Dear hokiepokie,

Whilst 'carryon' is correct in saying you can still pass Herpes on even if you don't have symptoms, the risk is very very small. Especially if you have not had an episode for a long time.

If your partner is aware of the herpes and is willing to take the very small risk then it's up to you. Bear in mind, as 'carryon' says, there is a very good chance (over 70% statistically) that your partner already has one or more strain of Herpes.

If you don't get episodes frequently, we would not recommend taking suppression therapy with Valtrex or Aciclovir.

The Herpes Virus Association are an excellent resource for support and advice and have a website ( and helpline number 0845 123 2305. I would highly recommend you contact them.

Kind regards.


You should probably use a dental dam during oral and a condom during sex, just to be safe.

Unless of course your partner is prepared to take the risk, which he can do if he wants to, so long as he's fully informed.


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