Feeling pretty meh miscarriage no 6

[Jess1981]

Hi ladies.

this might be a long one sorry.

I don’t even know why I’m posting this but can’t talk to the ”outside world”. My best friend lives aboard and I haven’t made any Mum friends since having Francesca.

Those who don’t know me - I had an horrific 7 years struggle with involved 3 surgeries to treat endometriosis before having our eldest who turns 5 next month! She is diagnosed autistic as we kinda suspected that for a while with her non verbal ( tho now she is making more sounds 😁) It feels very isolating being a mum with a child who special educational needs and I for 1 am definitely not accepted by other parents with how Francesca’s needs. I’ve tried various groups but whenever I’ve gone it’s same old story too many parents that are judgmental the latest one was at a children’s birthday party as they didn’t understand Francesca’s need for coping mechanisms and I was very proud at well she did. She awaits a placement at a specialist school which I can’t wait to be around like minded parents.

Since having her we embraced the journey again we lost a baby Amelia at 20 weeks pregnant in November 2020 miss her every single day. Then had another 2 early losses before eventually getting lucky and having our youngest daughter Eliza who is the terrible 2s and definitely challenging behaviour 👀

Being the mad people that we are decided to try again 😌 Well what a disaster that has been. First loss after Eliza at 9 weeks last October , second loss at 5 weeks January this year and currently having my 3rd loss now at 5 weeks again. It’s like we can get pregnant but I am really struggling to keep a pregnancy. I’m 42 so my mum and husband thinks it’s my age and basically I’m too old.

I’m under a miscarriage specialist but every single test we’ve had done is not indicative of anything being wrong she says it’s my age and that’s why we are having such a hard time. I don’t drink smoke and have a healthy diet and plenty of exercise running around my 2 girls. She did agree to thyroid profile to be repeated again - TSH is 3.6 whereas ideally it should be under 2.5 but as thyroid antibodies are normal she says suggests it’s not a problem. But she did agree to have them done again which I’m doing Thursday ( I didn’t cancel after positive test as I now have come to accept miscarriage as a normal occurrence)

There is no real point to this post apart from I wanted to off load my feelings if I tell my husband he will stop trying and my mum begs me to let it go the want of another to be happy with what I have. The hope being ripped away each time is a knife in my heart. Anyone who has read it this far well done 👏

[HollieW]

Oh Jess I really feel for you! It must be so hard having recurrent miscarriages. Hopefully further tests will help. Not sure If you have been in touch with Tommy's as I know they can be really helpful.In relation to Francesca, how sad that other parents have judged her. Some people have no idea! Is there a local SEN group in your area? In my area there is one on FB and parents regularly meet up with their children as there is no judgement and they can offload with people who know what it's like. I hope it gets easier for you 🙏 xx

[Jess1981 in reply to HollieW]

Thank you Holly and lovely to hear from you. Congratulations on your baby boy I had a little snoop! He’s gorgeous.

There is a group but it’s run by my sister in law and I find her pretty awful she abandoned 2 children ( both brother in law and her both scam , lie cheat to get everything no one else can get they get much more services for their child who is no where as severe as Francesca) They are bad people. Mother In law is all over them on family holidays she’s paid for them etc and we both have been pushed out as it’s always bout them so we just plod on by as a family of 4. She is also pretty grim too they say birds of feather they flock together. 😈😂

As Eliza is ok no one thinks there’s lot wrong with me except age. Maybe they are right. I don’t know 🤷 I wish I did why it keeps happening. At least she agreed to re do the thyroid again.

Hope you are adjusting nicely to family of 4 it’s a big step isn’t it! It shocked us going from 1 to 2 😂 Xx

[HollieW in reply to Jess1981]

It's been a huge shock going from 1 to 2! I go back to work tomorrow and no idea how we will manage but just hoping we do! I hope things get a bit easier for you. You have so much going on and it can get too much and so overwhelming xx

[Liberty82]

Hi Jess, I'm so sorry for your recent loss. My TSH was considered borderline at 4.5 when I was referred for fertility treatment. It was the consultants feeling that before we did anything that should be tackled first. I was put on thyroxine to get it below 2.5. When I had a miscarriage after my ivf pregnancy my TSH had gone up to 3.5. I was worried my TSH levels had caused me to miscarry so I saw an endocrinologist who was adamant that i didn't get pregnant again until my TSH levels were under 2.5 and they stayed there as in his words 'you will miscarry again'. His words weighed heavy on me while pregnant with my eldest after 7 years infertility.

During my subsequent pregnancies I was referred to endocrinology to have my bloods done periodically. I think at one point during my eldests pregnancy they went up to 2.8 which worried me unnecessarily.

I just thought I'd reply to you and let you know my experience x