Thought I’d say hello 🙂

Hi everyone.

First of all I’m so happy this site has been set up, I always felt it would be good to have a “follow on group” from fertility forum.

I had a difficult time trying to get pregnant- it took 5 years & 10 months of TTC & 3 years of abnormalities with my cycles ( and seeing many gynaes!) & 4 failed clomid cycles I was eventually diagnosed with endometriosis. It was frustrating to have waited such a longtime to get a diagnosis. Our first fertility specialist was dismissive as I told him my concerns over my periods not being normal & I was right! We were discharged with trying or IVF & we won’t fund it because I have a son already my poor hubby had no children it definitely added another additional stress on what was already a very stressful time. ☹️we had a much better experience when we were referred to another nhs fertility specialist ( thanks to my general gynaecologist we got the top man!) he was supportive & went above & beyond for us. I suffered a chemical pregnancy after my first laparoscopy which was just heartbreaking. My endo symptoms re-emerging straight away after CP medics dismissed the notion endo could return so rapidly but in had my second laparoscopy in March 2018 it was so much worse my fertility doctor referred me to a top endometriosis specialist. My third surgery was done July 2018 I had 3 surgeries within 13 months!

I conceived my daughter 2 months after the surgery & first month of re starting clomid.

I was not hopeful of conceiving- I had planned some blood tests for my thyroid antibodies ( as TSH was raised ) arranged a follow up with my fertility doctor & we were planning how we would do a round of IVF ASAP ( I didn’t want my endo to re grow back & wreck our chances) instead I got my BFP.

I spent the whole pregnancy worrying which wasn’t helped by spotting I had 6-14 weeks. The midwife was dismissive of my anxiety & I never felt our journey to become pregnant had been taken into account & how much more anxious I would feel after TTC 7 years. I just felt they thought I was a pain in the butt!

The birth wasn’t the best of experiences either- I had a wonderful straightforward birth with my son & thought my daughters would be the same! It was short but her hand was behind her head & I had difficulties pushing her head out- her heartbeat dropped, she had a bowel movement in me, then the head midwife was called & within half an hour my daughter was born. I lost a lot of blood. I had a massive tear- so bad the midwife got the consultant to check it didn’t go all the way to my butt! It ended up being a bad 2nd degree tear so the midwife stitched me- I was in agony & not offered more anaesthetic the maternity manager visited me recently & admitted the midwife hadn’t followed right protocol. The midwife used me as a show & tell to a junior midwife it was awful. I still cry about it now. I was advised to get my dr to refer me to a gynae department to check the stitching ( the midwife hadn’t mentioned the pelvic floor muscle & if she’d stitched it) I am seeing the gynae on Tuesday. I am passing wind through my front end & I feel self conscious & unattractive. I can remember the midwife placing my daughter on me but not connecting with her due to the level of shock I was in ( I was grey & shaking & only my mum noticed & placed a blanket over me) I hope by complaining to the hospital will save other women going through such a awful experience. They also weighed my baby wrong & kept calling her a boy when she was in a pink baby grow! All in all it’s not the experience that I had spent 7 long years waiting for 😳

I am returning back to work next month & dreading putting my daughter in nursery. I only work part time but I worry how she will be, I can’t bear the thought of her missing me & wish I didn’t have to go back to work ( I took 3 months additional pay)

This wasn’t meant to be this long so sorry & thank you for reading.

I look forward to hearing from you all

Congratulations on reaching the other side xxx

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hey Jess

great to hear from you. What a rough time😥

[MissSaoPaulo]

Oh hon, what a terrible experience. Do you feel that making the complaint and finally being heard has helped you come to terms with it a bit more?

I didn't have a bad birth experience but when I hear some of your stories it really makes me mad how women are treated as glorified incubators. Of course the baby is our priority and we'd do anything to make sure they get baby out safe and sound but there often seems to be little concern about the effects on the mother. It seems to be luck of the draw whether you have a good experience or not. I don't mean what interventions are needed but rather the way it is all approached. I firmly believe that if men had babies it would be a different story but we are expected to be 'warriors' and bear everything. Rather than calling us 'strong' for everything we put up with why not try and improve our quality of life? Uf, feminist rant over. Sorry!! Nice to see you on here Jess

[Foodie23 Ambassador in reply to MissSaoPaulo]

I absolutely LOVE your feminist rant! I never considered myself a feminist until my infertility experience. Now I'm with you 100% and so fed up with the lack of understanding and compassion in the medical profession. I'm also fed up with the lack of understanding about the experience of infertility and that especially in America, we get virtually no financial support. Using the tools of modern medicine and science to give women access to a chance to have a baby should not be a privilege of the privileged. It should be a right! Xx

[Foodie23 Ambassador]

Welcome Jess1981! Wow, thank you for taking the time to share your story with us. You have certainly been through a LOT.

So many of us have been through traumatic experiences during birth or in the hospital after our baby was born. I'm so sorry you had to experience that. Below is an interesting article about it. I'll be doing a post later this week on birth trauma and some resources we can all use to help us heal.

rachelrabinor.com/blog/trau...

My birth experience was actually really great, but I still felt numb and disconnected when my son was first placed on my chest. It wasn't until a fun experience learning to breastfeed the next day that my emotion toward him kicked in. The following day I had a traumatic experience with his health and lots more trauma after getting home from the hospital for a different reason. Long story short, he's about to turn 5 months and I'm just now starting to feel connected with him. That's been the most painful part of all of this.

I can imagine how hard it would be to put your baby in nursery. That's exactly why I haven't been able to do it myself. Instead, we have 10 hours a week of an in-home nanny (just started this week) and I get up at 4am each day to find time to work.

I'm inspired by your strength and your courage and so grateful you're a part of this group. I'm looking forward to getting to know you better and to helping each other heal from everything we've been through. Xx