I wish I was born normal

[AlexZaharia02]

You read that right I wish I was born normal instead of born autistic I hate my life i hate the way I am i wish made friends I've been all alone in life I didn't accomplished anything like i didnt get any jobs I kept being rejected and fired through all of the jobs I got through tbh I just hate the way I am I wish there was a Cure For Autism I wish I was born normal and being suitable in todays day in this society.

[Tronsformer]

Hey Alex, I hear you, and I totally can relate and I very much get it. A month ago I was feeling strongly in this regard. Autism was the absolute cause of everything that went wrong. And then a last year there were similar moments and if I remember far enough back this keeps happening over and over again.

However things will stabilise and get to a better phase. You will hit a low point again before you hit highs.

But event though I knew this it didn’t help me when I was stuck in bad place.

The irony is ‘normal’ people aren’t any better, they just are able to be ignorant to their shortcomings where as we beat ourselves up over it. For me when I fail at something it scars my soul as dramatic as that sounds. If i’m told I’m good at something, even great, I immediately remember those failures. My rigid though process tells me that good & great is not possible if I have had some failures. Yet normal people seem to gloss over that and convince themselves everything is golden.

Some tips that help me. Try not to dwell, but if you are like me then you can’t help it. It swims in your head and eats away at you.

- acknowledge what it is that is the root cause. Is it ability, understanding, a fear?

- hone in on what you can focus on do it hopefully won’t happen again. (i am incredibly socially awkward. If I have a bad experience based on something I have said, I will try and not do that again to see if it that helps.)

- look for a way to train yourself on the topic. This might seem odd - but its about giving yourself a structure. For example If you have to talk on the phone everyday but really struggle (i hate it) you can call up random companies, customer service, just to practice. Its sounds dumb but each time you do you pick up something different it will make you better.

- find something to focus on. I became aware of my autism in my 30’s my life and career only took off in my 30’s. From 16 -30+ everything was confusing, was tough, I didn’t understand social structures, the mind-games that people play. I was very black and white everything else was multi/coloured. I didn’t know it was becaus I was autistic. So my progress was VEEEERY slow. I struggle if I hate what I’m doing. Therefore I unknowingly focused on what I’m passionate about. It took a long time but I have got work in the area of my hobby. Its still work, same problems but my passion for my hobby helps and that level of focus I can give helps me with the bad days.

So if you can find something that connects with you it will help you heal - I guaruntee it

- pateince is key. I see you are 21. Its corny and cheesy to say but you do have a lot to live for and there’s time things will get better. I don’t know if you game , but for us we have to play the game of life on super difficult mode. No cheat codes, no tutorials or walkthroughs, the games in wrong language and sometimes the controller doesn’t work. But that doesn’t mean we can’t get the top score. But it is harder and thus more tiring from us. So when it does feel like game over. Take a mental or actual break. Go somewhere for the week or weekend, watch or do something outside of what you do. Then get back to it.

One final tip is check out in-depth interviews of athletes in particular. But any prolific person will do. Listen to how to handle failure, setback and defeat. Its crushes them, they become impossible to be around etc. Their answer is to take it up a level and almost perform their way out of it. As a result they become winners, hold records - get looots of money to haha. But my point is they have a similar emotional experience to us. A normal person would not let a defeat or setback eat away at them like that athlete, they just move on. Yet like us the athlete can’t help it. So the key is, what can we find where can focus and train and try and get that fastest time, or secure that victory or whatever and convert all of that struggle pain and failure into something useful.

Also take pride in that you shared your experience with us. That is brave and is a sign of you wanting to progress out of it. To my detriment I never did that and I wish I did.

Sorry for the ramble

[AlexZaharia02 in reply to Tronsformer]

I've tried once and never succeed it

[Honey52]

What is normal? Neurotypical people don't always fit into society.

Please remember that we are all valuable human beings. The world is slowly beginning to accept autism and things are getting better. When I was was young it didn't exist!!

You could spend a long time trying to work out why things in your life don't work out; which is a waste of energy.

Look at what you are good at. Do you notice detail? Can you hear exceptionally well? Are you fascinated by something? Are you good at music or art? You will have a special skill and you may not even now it, because it is 'normal' to you. When you go with what you are good at, friends will find you.

[AlexZaharia02 in reply to Honey52]

Idk tbh

[Nanii in reply to AlexZaharia02]

Sounds like a good startingpoint then, realizing what you're good at.

[Cat33]

Oh Alex My heart breaks for you that you feel like this as it is my son's story too

I love Transformer's reply to you and hope you will take it all on board

Please believe me that things will get better and you are so normal don't ever think you aren't

Sending huge hugs and you are NOT alone xx

[AlexZaharia02 in reply to Cat33]

Things has not been better for me anyway it keeps being the same result

[NotJim]

I agree with the comments here, how you feel now won't be how you'll feel forever. x Sending very best wishes and prayers.

[AlexZaharia02 in reply to NotJim]

Yeh right.

[Nanii]

I'm not normal and I actually also don't even want to be. Of course there are normal things about me, but generally, things "click" different inside of me. Society just seems weird to me. If you look behind what's considered "normal" or what you "perceive as considered normal", really look behind.. No, not there, behind, where you haven't seen it yet. You might actually realise the same at some point. It just seems easy, going with the big flow, but how many people are truly happy? Not what they show, but how they really feel.

Finding your own way where all paved roads are walked on my millions (as how it can feel like) is hard. It gives the possibility to find treasures though. Treasures in yourself too, even though you might not see it now.

For context: this comes from a person with so much self loathing it baffles therapists. So I'm not just saying this, or talking easy.

[AlexZaharia02 in reply to Nanii]

I guess.

[AlexZaharia02]

Then actually teach her or remind her don't just stand there like an idiot