Normal is relative and I’m not ashamed of being weird but it did take me a long time to accept that im not neurotypical and im beginning to realize i’ll never be good at pretending to be neurotypical. growing up, I never really had many friends my age, the ones I did made me feel different (intentionally or not) and they never stayed my friend long so I spent a lot of my childhood alone or at home. When I became an adult, socializing and making friends my age just seemed impossible and I go years without any friends. Im still “too weird” for a lot of people and that’s ok but I’m tired of being the odd one out people look down on or try to manipulate. last year was the year I realized I was autistic and I went looking for autistic adults I could talk to. It took a lot of searching but I found a community online and It was the first time in my 27 years I ever felt normal or relatable to other people; the first time I felt accepted and could talk about how my brain works with people who get it. If you’re an autist and haven’t already, reach out to other autists because they get it, it helps you feel less isolated when you live in a world ruled and built by neurotypical people and you learn a lot about yourself.
Yeah, I recognise this a lot. Fortunately in software development and live action roleplaying I find there's enough non-neurotypical people of various stripes to make the culture slightly less overwhelming neurotypical :-).
I'm autistic too and in my mid to late twenties. Like you I had a gradual realization that I'm probably never going to be good at blending in (i.e. pretending to be neurotypical or "masking") over a sustainable period of time as it's just too exhausting and I often need a lot of time on my own to essentially recharge and give myself a sensory break. The world is too loud and bright and chaotic, I find. I can't pretend I'm not overwhelmed by it, because I am.
I know what you mean about feeling different. I've spent a lot my life feeling like I'm on the edge of a friendship group or social situation. Either I could be a friend with someone who was younger than me, or someone who was older, but never someone the same age and I realise now that it's probably because we develop differently, so in one way we'll be more mature than our neurotypical peer group, but in another we'll be behind.
Like you, I've been taken advantage of.
I'm really pleased you have accepted yourself as you are. I think it's a journey for many of us on the spectrum because we still live in a world that isn't understanding or accepting and I'm in the process of accepting myself. Personally, I think self acceptance is fluid.
I'm very lucky that now I have a lovely friendship group around my age and that we found each other, because we were all in the same boat and lucky to come together. They're not all autistic, but most are affected by disability in some way so we could all relate to one another and learn from one another.
It's hard though, because they live slightly out of the way and the pandemic has prevented me from seeing them.
The two I'm closest to are both physically vulnerable and I'm still shielding at home because my dad and grandfather are vulnerable, so it's pretty rough. The isolation has only caused me to become more overly stimulated because my whole household, my mum and dad, grandfather, sister and her boyfriend are all at home a lot. I'm finding it really hard. They also don't understand me and what I need relating to my autism.
But talking to people I can relate to is helpful.
You aren't weird here. Here you are totally normal and it's the rest of the world that's weird. Unless you want to be weird of course, in which case we can all be weird together.
There's this song called The Rest of Us, by this group called Simple Plan, and it'll often cheer me up.
(By the way, you might want to lock your post by clicking the arrow next to More, Selecting Edit and at the bottom of the page there'll be a section titled "Who can see my post?" And the option to select "Only people in this community". It's up to you, but an unlocked post can be found from anywhere on the internet so I often lock mine as a matter of principle.)
Hi, I'm autistic too. I like my own company but I do miss having a chat. I'm not great with communicating, I've been in special schools for years and I've been forced to make friends with people I've never got along with. So I'm a bit of a loner really, although sometimes I do wish my life went a different way. If it did I'd be happily married :). Might not be too late though. I've just never 'clicked' with people I suppose. I currently work too so it has helped me during the lockdown. I had planned to go to a group just before lockdown but never happened, hopefully soon though. All the best xx
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Here you are totally normal and it's the rest of the world that's weird. Unless you want to be weird of course, in which case we can all be weird together. 
