selective blindness socially.

[Betalatethnneva]

I’m a high functioning person and good at masking (didn’t know I was neurodiverse until recently so apologies if my language is clunky) and my special interests are peoples brains and relationships and situational awareness (which is helpful) until it comes to my own romantic and dating life. I’m great at reading others. Terrible for myself.

I cannot see the wood for the trees. I don’t notice and I have trouble telling the difference between friendliness from potential dates (men) to romantic interest. Sexual is easier coz it’s overt. But as an example I ended up on a date I didn’t know I was on recently. A week later I introduced a guy to my dance teacher (because I thought he wanted lessons) not realising he was demonstrating interest until I saw him on a romance app later.

I’m a gay guy, it’s hard to read the cues. One time a guy asked me for my number and I laughed coz I thought he was joking. I haven’t always had success with long term relationships working out so I think my confidence is also not the best internally although I come across as a confident and socially adept person. I’d really like to get better at it, because I feel like sometimes I don’t see opportunities until they are gone.

How do people get over this or better at it?

[Tronsformer]

Hey, totally can relate and get the experience of having a blindspot towards yourself and own experiences.

And I think missing the cues might be more so down to needing a clear indicator (permission maybe) from the other party for it to register. Especially the more subtle cues. And you probably notice this crops up in other areas of your life too.

Personally speaking, I always missed these cues, understood them waaay later, and this caused some funny moments and some embarrassing ones too.

For me dating was near impossible, or never successful, awkwardness, bot knowing what to say. Treating it asa job/duty not an experience.

However, after some patience and luck I met someone who I’m now married to who is perfect for me.

In hindsight we just enjoyed each others company and I slowly allowed myself to be vulnerable which meant expressing and showing my true self. And I guess for anyone in a relationship seeing that allows you to form a deeper bond with that person because they can figure you out more etc. Of course it can work both ways.

And my two cents on dating, its. Going to be fun, and some not so fun moments. And I think for minds like ours, patience is key. Maybe things move super fast and that is why we miss the cues, our minds are focused on different things in that state.

Fast forward after a decade of marriage, I still miss those cues from my partner and others. Definitely not trying to date but it has to spelt out to me if someone is attracted to me or showing affection or overtly flirting etc. This is great for my marriage as I don’t notice haha.

But all jokes aside, I think being in a place (mentally speaking) where you can be upfront about this can help. Also for the other party, if they know they have to be be more clear about their intentions that might be a good thing.

But one thing for sure, for better or worse. The ‘blindness mechanism’ is here to stay. It can be trained over time though.

Best of luck