Mental Health & Family

Sometimes I feel so invisible in my family and it's like I'm never important enough to not have to compete for my family to talk about me just as much as they talk about one of my sisters. One of my sisters is currently pregnant and had a baby in February that passed away four days later from complications. So, they decided to deliver on the 29th, so my parents are trying to figure out if they will go up the day of the delivery or the day my sister comes home; but because of the fact that they have custody of my 4 nieces and nephews guess who is likely to watch them while they're gone. And my sisters husband is supposed to be gone for a week or 2 in India for his sisters wedding so my mom is either going to go up or my sister is going to come down with the baby so my mom can help her. Unfortunately if my mom goes up there guess who's going to be stuck taking care of the kids while she's gone which is just too much for me. I hate feeling so jealous of my sister and I want the baby to be healthy because of what happened last time; but it's just so hard when all I've heard them talk about lately is when they're going to come, etc. And it just makes me feel hurt because my doctor recently diagnosed me with bipolar disorder and I was also told by my therapist that I meet the requirements for having autism; so i'm trying to find a psychiatrist to evaluate me, and I also have been diagnosed with depression. So, I feel like what's been going on with my mental health is not nearly as important to my family as my sister is, which is hard because I feel like the past 3 years have been all about her. She got engaged in 207, married in 2018, delivered the first baby in 2019 and found out she was pregnant again earlier this year and will deliver the baby in 2019. But, it's like the only time something major happened to me and was just about me and no one else was when I graduated with my associate's degree from my community college in 2013. But, i'm very afraid to tell them how I feel because the last time I did my mom told me to stop thinking about myself because I didn't know my nephew wasn't going to make it; so i'm scared of that happening again. And it makes me feel like they put my sisters first at the expense of my mental health and I have helped my mom so much taking of these kids for the past 2.5 years when is it my turn to be put first. It just feels like how it's always felt is that i'm invisible in my family because none of my sisters call, text, or facetime me I have to be the one to do it first but they do all of that with my sister that's pregnant. When is it going to be my turn to put first and have it be more about me and what's going on in my life. Is that selfish to want that; because I have never felt that I belong is this family? And on top of it I ran out of my antidepressants but still have enough of my bipolar medication. So, I don't know if my running out of my antidepressants is making me feel this way more?

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Ya you are probably withdrawing from your anti depressants there is no cure for depression you know this right? Only treatment they hope some pill might help but it’s never like getting more protein or adding more water and exercise or having a support group.

Maybe you could go out and find a support group? Find a cheap dance class or volunteer at the homeless shelter? Offer to help out at your sisters give her a coupon for babysitting a couple hours tell her she’s kinda cool for imagining her life and making it happen.

Holy cow I’m jealous of everyone who gets married or every girl with no scars on her face. I’m trying to work on that. They have acting classes you don’t even need to be a member or pay for the class some just let you sit there. They have places to hang out some nights like dance class intro at a church or they have night buses that run til 8:15pm I listen to music and feel like I did something or somehow ran away from my depression.

Hope you get on your meds once you take one it’s like your on them for life. No one has ever been cured like take some pills and their brain is perfect. It’s lifestyle changes prayers at night or finding a little group to chill with. Congrats on having a family I don’t know what that’s like. Maybe my brain would explode if I had one and I couldn’t appreciate it. God bless be grateful I am super old no one is knocking down my door to date. So get out there and be pretty. Look one less woman out there for competition some women are married and scoop up like three side guys. Man the world is changing.