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Please have a look at quotes taken from medical records as dictated by physicians.Hee HEE

KingoftheCocktails profile image

The following are quotes taken from medical records as dictated by physicians.

By the time he was admitted,his rapid heart had stopped and he was feeling better.

Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

On the second day the knee was better,and on the third day it disappeared altogether.

The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1983.

Patient was released to outpatient department without dressing.

Discharge status:Alive but without permission.

The patient refused an autopsy.

The patient expired on the floor uneventfully.

The patient has no past history of suicides.

Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.

She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in seperate directions in early December.

The patient experienced sudden onset of severe shortnes of breath with a picture of acute pulmonary oedema at home while having sex which gradually deteriorated in the E.R.

The patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

Between me and you, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.

The patient was in his usual state of good health,until his airplane ran out of fuel and crashed.

She is numb from her toes down.While in the E.R. she was examined,X rated and sent home.

Occasional;,constant,infrequent headaches.

Patient was alert and unresponsive.When she fainted her eyes rolled around the room.

Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year old male,mentally alert but forgetful.

Richard Cornish

BREATHE EASY = FRIENDSHIP

Don't waffle on about your local Breathe Easy group,just go to it.

Joining details are available from the British Lung Foundation on 03000 030 555Mon -Fri 10am-6pm.

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KingoftheCocktails profile image
KingoftheCocktails
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36 Replies
Puffthemagicdragon profile image
Puffthemagicdragon

They're really funny ! Got any more ?:)

KingoftheCocktails profile image
KingoftheCocktails in reply toPuffthemagicdragon

Watch out for KOTC's fun blogs

sillywitch profile image
sillywitch

this one is a corker! thank you KOTC :) :)

KingoftheCocktails profile image
KingoftheCocktails in reply tosillywitch

Popped the bottle,did it?

I am sat here laughing like crazy. Thank you your majesty. :)

Auntymary xx

KingoftheCocktails profile image
KingoftheCocktails in reply to

I sure am CRAZY x

Lynne1955 profile image
Lynne1955

They are great. If anyone says ' chortling' any longer (as in the Beano) then that's what I'm doing.

Lynne xx

KingoftheCocktails profile image
KingoftheCocktails in reply toLynne1955

Chortle,such a meaningful word.

copdber profile image
copdber

O my I've laughed so hard my side hurt

KingoftheCocktails profile image
KingoftheCocktails in reply tocopdber

Oh ee oh ha ha ting tang what side winder

bewildered profile image
bewildered

So funny some of the things written are just the same in our country

KingoftheCocktails profile image
KingoftheCocktails in reply tobewildered

Laughter is the same the whole world over

I so needed that, tears pouring down my face. After reading the I'm not fat, think I'll have a plate of anorexia for dinner! (joke). Thank-you, still catching my breath!

KingoftheCocktails profile image
KingoftheCocktails in reply to

Breathe on

ivyleaf profile image
ivyleaf

So funny im here choking with laughing.....now my nose is running !

Really good a few more like that will brighten the evening.

Ivyleaf

libby7827 profile image
libby7827 in reply toivyleaf

Quick ... before it gets away!!

KingoftheCocktails profile image
KingoftheCocktails in reply toivyleaf

One joke a day keeps the Doctor at bay!

libby7827 profile image
libby7827

Am that fed up today with one thing and another but these (and johnwr's) cheered me up. Thank you!

in reply tolibby7827

The best reason for having friends here are the days we need picking up :-)

KingoftheCocktails profile image
KingoftheCocktails in reply tolibby7827

We try to cheer you up libby dear

teabag333 profile image
teabag333

Thank you so much Kotc. They are so funny. Have tears in m y eyes from laughing :-)

KingoftheCocktails profile image
KingoftheCocktails in reply toteabag333

Tears for souvenirs and just for laughing

tanyamarie profile image
tanyamarie

So so funny, they are cracking. keep em coming hun xxxxxxxxx

KingoftheCocktails profile image
KingoftheCocktails in reply totanyamarie

I'm all cracked up with your kind comments.But I will keep the 'CRACKS' appearing.

cofdrop-UK profile image
cofdrop-UK

He he - and to think our lives are in their hands Aaaaarrrrgh!

XXX

KingoftheCocktails profile image
KingoftheCocktails in reply tocofdrop-UK

Medics,medicine,medical, mindboggling when a joke is the right tonic.To be kind they do a fine job!

A laugh a day is good for health - very funny. Evelene 71

KingoftheCocktails profile image
KingoftheCocktails in reply to

A laugh a day helps you work,rest and play.Doesn't it.

laughed till I coughed :) well worth it - cheery :)

KingoftheCocktails profile image
KingoftheCocktails in reply to

Chirpy chirpy cheery

thatcham1939 profile image
thatcham1939

marvellous, a good laugh, you ought to find out what the nurses right in thier exams

.jan

KingoftheCocktails profile image
KingoftheCocktails in reply tothatcham1939

I will examine that

Squeaky profile image
Squeaky

Ha Ha just what I needed right now Thank you x

KingoftheCocktails profile image
KingoftheCocktails in reply toSqueaky

Needed now and everyday EH

katieoxo60 profile image
katieoxo60

all very funny as usual from yourself KOTC. keep it up as it cheers us up

KingoftheCocktails profile image
KingoftheCocktails in reply tokatieoxo60

Keep it up !!!! I will try

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