Dilemma about visiting elderly mother in hospital 😪

[Adirock]

Hi everyone, I hope everyone is keeping well. Can I ask your advice/opinions please. I have moderate/severe copd. My mother (79) got taken into hospital last night after being found on the floor of her flat, naked, freezing and with a shattered hip. She had been there all night and all the next day. She's awaiting the surgeon this morning. It transpired that the fall was due to a heart attack 😪 My sister has been with her all night and another of my sister's went down there last night for awhie. I am so dying to go and see her to give her a cwtch and tell her I love her. I was able to speak to her on the phone for a good 10minutes last night to tell her I love her. It's breaking my heart incase the worst happens, god forbid. I haven't told her of my condition so I'm worried that she may think i don't care. I don't know who to phone to ask for advice as to whether I should go or stay away due to the risk of the virus with my condition. My son is also going through a horrendous time. His finance got diagnosed 3 years ago when she was 27 with breast cancer, she has had a double mastectomy and undergone all the treatments but this year had secondary cancer resulting in two tumors in her brain. She had one surgically removed and the other one was treated with laser treatment. The tumor hasn't shrunk but hasn't grown either. In herself she's back to herself so to speak, living life and back in work. But my son confided in me about 3 weeks ago after his fiancee wouldn't leave him home alone and made sure he came down to us before she went to work as he had had a breakdown and confided he wanted to end his life and has felt this way apparently for over 2 years. He told me he thought he had been dealing with everything but obviously wasn't. From what I can gather, over the 3 years his fiancee told me he hasn't had it easy either. I don't know how to say this without making his fiancee come across bad, that's the last thing I want but she insinuated numerous times when there's been 'trouble' between them that she isn't nice. Bless her and him. I don't know how much and how far the aggressive behaviour went, I have asked but he is very protective of his fiancee, which I respect. I was able to get him in to see the doctor that day, he's now on medication and awaiting emergency counselling. I discovered that he knows how he wants to end his life, where he is going to do it and who he's prepared letters for and he says he thinks like this at least once a week. He is such a happy chappy but the light has gone off 😪 they are also due to be married in two weeks time. They need me so much at the moment and also have 2 little girls that I need to help with. I'm so scared and anxious of catching this stupid bloody virus and my worry is that if I do I won't be able to help my son but I so want to be there for my mother also. One of my sisters is understanding, the other is quite short and snappy telling me to put a mask on and go down. I suppose I'd love to hear your advice/opinions as to what you would do, it may help. Thank you in advance everyone ❤ xxx

[sassy59]

That’s some dilemma you have there Adicock. Is there any chance you could write your dear mum a letter, telling her how you are and why you can’t see her for now. Give it to your sister who understands. She can pass it on or read it out. You could also try and contact the ward your mother is on and speak to a nurse or doctor regarding your health and concerns. I hope your mum recovers.

Regarding your son and partner, that’s very difficult with no easy answers or quick fixes. I just hope your son gets all the help he needs and they both really need counselling. Their relationship sounds difficult and I feel for the two young girls caught in the middle.

You can only do your best and must look after yourself. We’re now living in uncertain times.

I have a son with addiction and depression. Not easy so I do feel for you. Take care xxxxx

[Adirock in reply to sassy59]

Aww thank you so so very much, I never thought of writing a letter. That's such a brilliant idea, thank you. I'll get onto that straight away. My (not so understanding sister) 🙈🙂 just rang me to ask for a lift to the hospital to relieve my other sister and told me that she was sorry for being snappy and she now understood 🙂👍 so I'll give her the letter to read to my mother. I'm so so sorry for what you are going through also. This site humbles me so much, sadly makes me see there are much worse off than myself and for you all that's going through your own horrendous issues to give some of your time up to help is amazing. Thank you so very much. All my love and gratitude 😘❤ xxx

[sassy59 in reply to Adirock]

Wishing you well Adirock. Glad to have been of help. You take care. Xxxx 😘

[Bkin]

Its a difficult one. You could go to the hospital, put mask on, wear disposable gloves etc, wash hands as soon as you get home, change clothes wash all clothes etc etc there are lost of precautions you could take.

You have to mull things over if you didn't go and your mother passed.

You can chat on the phone, through skype video or something similar.

Regarding your son, if in self isolation, you could help your son in the same way you could help your mother at this time.

The choices you have just need to be weighed up, what you can do, what you are prepared to do to help keep you safe and be supportive for your family.

Its what your gut or conscious tells you, not what others think you should do.

I hope your Mother and Son do well in their recovery.

Sit still and Breathe for 20 minutes try to allow your mind to chat garbage, be inspirational or just do nothing at all, whatever the allowing is.

Best wishes in whatever you decide xox

[Damon1864 Volunteer]

Hello, I would phone the ward your mother is on and ask their advice at least that way you have been advised by the staff on ward. I am so sorry to to here about your mum I do hope she is going to be alright. And your son and his partner are fine. Please keep us updated. Try and have a good weekend, thinking of you all, take care of yourself and your family 🤗 Bernadette xxxxx

[Adirock]

Thank you everyone ❤ I wrote my mother a letter and took my sister down. As we arrived they were locking the hospital down. 1 visitor at anytime and only specific times. My sister whom I drove down did get 2 mins with my mother but they were then both asked to leave. They have given my mother injections in her stomach and are going to keep monitoring her to ensure her heart is strong enough to have the surgery, until then my sister said she is in and out of lucidity (I think that's the right terminology) and is comfortable. One of my sisters is going back down at 3pm for an hour so may hear she is strong enough for surgery by then 🤞 The staff on the ward doesn't think it's a good idea for me to visit but my sister will read my letter to her later and hopefully I'll get a chance to video call her. As regard to my son, I'm keeping in touch every day via whatsapp video and phone calls and sending him funny/inspirational/inspiring quotes daily and up until 2 days ago he was calling in my house every day practically from work but has now got a cold so is keeping his distance fairplay. I feel a little bit lighter what with having wrote the letter and understanding from both sisters now and knowing I'll be able to chat to my mother by phone as soon as able plus this way hopefully I'll stay in the clear of this virus to be able to be there for my son. Thank you all so very much. Wishing you all the very best and all my love 😘❤ xxx