How do you define gourmet? It sorta rolls off the tongue: Gourmet. GooooooRR-Mayyyyyyy. Sounds delicious. And for the perfect ham sandwich, gourmet mustard is a must. It adds that spice and flavor that makes its it so mouthwatering
As ham sandwiches go, it was perfection. A thick slab of smoked ham, a fresh hoagie bun, crisp lettuce and plenty of expensive, light brown, gourmet mustard.
The corners of my jaw aching in anticipation, I carried it to the picnic table in our backyard, picked it up with both hands, and was ready for the first, mouthwatering bite.
Suddenly I was stopped by my wife with a sense of urgency.
"Hold Joshua while I get my sandwich," she said. (Joshua was six months old).
I carefully balanced him between my left elbow and shoulder, and began reaching for my perfect ham sandwich again, when I noticed a streak of that gourmet mustard on my fingers.
I love mustard. I really love gourmet mustard!
I had no napkin.
I did what comes natural. I licked it off.
It was not mustard.
No man ever put a baby down faster. It was the first and only time I have sprinted with my tongue protruding. With a washcloth in each hand, I did the sort of routine shoeshine boys do, only I did it on my tongue.
Later (after she stopped crying from laughing so hard), my wife said,
"Now you know why they call that mustard 'Poupon'. π