Thank the Lord for Spam!!!

[CornishBrian]

A couple of months ago, I was locked out of my account. Tried all ways to get back in, then gave up. I kept getting my updated most days, sometimes four or five a day. I then tried to open a new account, as advised. All went well until I got a message that my new name was unacceptable because it was advertising. What? Yes, there is a small shop in Fowey or Falmouth, with a similar name. Went for a trawl on Google, etc, but nothing. The name I chose was the name my family gave me " Pasty Faced" and everyone still calls me that today, especially when I'm wolfing down a pasty. I then decided,stuff it, life's too short.

Today, bless them, someone got onto BLF and used my e_

- mail address to send me spam. Went to check on it and "Hey Presto" I was back on the game. If we could find the person who spammed me, we ought to get them to work on Health Unlocked....they might sort the system out.

[skischool]

Dear Cornish Brian,

Thank you for the glowing c.v.it will most certainly help our cause and of course all pastry donations will be gratefully received here at the orphanage.naturally a crate of 'spingo' beer would also be warmly welcomed.

Sue and Ski's enterprises ltd. x

[CornishBrian in reply to skischool]

I am pleased to be able offer some comfort to you and your poor, hungry orphans. In order for the pasties etc to arrive in perfect condition and to aid those poor little mites digestion, all the products will be eaten personally by me and once I regurgitate them, you will be able to warm them up in the microwave. I will, of course also throw in and throw up some finest saffron cake, scones, jam and clotted cream.....please, just remember....JAM FIRST, JAM FIRST.

[skischool in reply to CornishBrian]

Dear Cornish Brain,your generosity overwhelms us,but unfortunately here in never never land we have no access to food irradiation processors and cook only over Zebra dropping fires lovingly stoked by the little mites in our care also your Jam tomorrow terms and conditions means we are unable to take you up your offer at this moment in time.

best wishes Ski's and a missing business partner.xx

[CornishBrian in reply to skischool]

Zebra droppings, very interesting. Our pasties and cakes are always cooked over toad droppings, so if food is short, we always have toad stools to pad it out. We also use our bodies as a primaries larder. Marmite from between our toes, peanut butter from our ears and candy floss from our navels...using a spent match as a stick. Please don't ask where we get the piccalilli from....our little charges can't be used to feed the fire as the supply of electricity would dwindle, no one to run in the wheel....and so we would be unable to watch Kilroy on our 72" screen. Four of the youngsters are fed entirely on baked beans, mushy peas and onions, thus ensuring our supply of gas. If the question of Cornish delicacies is off the table, we do have an extensive line of battery operated, quartz LCD sun dials. I could let you have them at a knock down price ...nice little profit to be had. Also, this our best seller yet, a fully portable, single cylinder, manually operated compressor. Now some of our purchasers have remarked that they are only bicycle pumps, until the court case, we will continue to offer them, if you are interested.

Sorry about the misunderstanding about the food but, hey, anyone can make a mistake as the hedgehog said when he got off the toilet brush.

[skischool in reply to CornishBrian]

Somehow i get the feeling that should we convey our replies to the dear Susan that the last week of her life will at least be entertaining if not profitable for her organisation,i also feel that we won't receive another invite to help her fine organisation in the future,bless you dear CB and may your patent compressor join the ranks of the wind up radio in saving the third world.

Ski's and a sleeping cat x

[Katinka46 in reply to skischool]

Oi! skischool What's this about Zebra droppings? There are only two explanations, your dastardly mog, Scruffinettina, has abducted my poor defenceless Zebra again, or you have been sneaking over the hill in the dead of night to snaffle his poo. Can't you be content with the Skischool snowy village shop that Cas found for you?

Shame on you both.

withdrawal of love and hugs from a

Disillusioned and Disappointed Kate and an embarrassed Zebra, who says how you like your bowel movements broadcast all over this forum...?

Whoops.... I think that has been done before.

[skischool in reply to Katinka46]

Ah you are mistaken my dear Kate,look how well your garden is doing,Zebra's dooings are safe over the hill and organically doing their business as normal,i was of course alluding to the dear Susan's FAKE zebra's which of course are all part of her scam,can we have our cuddles and hugs back now please we need them,

Ski's and a penniless cat xx

[Katinka46 in reply to skischool]

Suppose.... And now can we stop lowering the tone? Enough of poo, and let's get back to coughing, mucus and sputum pots? Much more wholesome.

[skischool in reply to Katinka46]

cheers for that,we will raise a glass to you for your generosity or should that be a pot?xx

[CornishBrian in reply to skischool]

My prize winning stallion did express an interest in your zebras....in fact I thought he was going across to your spread to have s stuff word with them. I was a bit concerned for him when he didn't but later he told me that he did find them sexually alluring but they refused to take their PJ's off....fair does....bitches.

[HungryHufflepuff in reply to Katinka46]

I hardly ever know what you guys are on about but you always make me laugh and I really needed that just now so thank you very much 🤣

[Katinka46 in reply to HungryHufflepuff]

We haven’t the faintest idea either. All lost in the mists of time, but the slightest niggle and all the old resentments and tiffs surface. Not helped by some idiot immortalising the whole mad saga with illustrations. (Sigh...)

K x

[skischool in reply to Katinka46]

You should do a Katinsky for the dear Susan and it will self destruct on arrival at spam HQ that will certainly prevent further spammage on the dodgy site as they will have amassed a fortune at Sotheby's by then. xx

[hypercat54 in reply to Katinka46]

I just got home and found a lonely looking zebra outside instead of my puddy cat. Do you think the it ate him? Could this be yours dear Kate? Anyway can send him/her back return post but you need to send me $30,000000 dollars first. Send it to my Nigerian account please. xx

[Katinka46 in reply to hypercat54]

Wonderful! Sooo grateful. Bank details on the way....

[hypercat54 in reply to Katinka46]

Great stuff. Have fed him with Scruffs tuna fish (at least my poor cat will get it in the end) and Zebra will be put in the post this morning. Ok? And many thanks the money as now I can go out and buy 1,000 zebras and a replacement cat. xx

[Hacienda in reply to hypercat54]

Ha Ha ha ha ..Love this xxxxx

[sassy59]

Good to see you again Brian and who knew spam could be so useful. Lol. Xxxx

[CornishBrian in reply to sassy59]

If you like spam, Iceland have got it on offer....and now I also found that my new account, Pastyfaced, is also live....unlike poor Susan next week. I'm sorry, I won't be going to her funeral because I know she won't come to mine...nah, nah, na, nah, na.

[Pentreath Volunteer]

Welcome back - we Cornish must stick together!

[Hacienda]

Well, Thank you , CB, Skis, Katinka, You made me laugh so Much this Windy Friday morning. Love all the wit and Welcome back to The Magical "Anything Goes" Forum CB. Love n Hugs to you all. XXXX

[MoyB]

Don't know what I'd do without you lot to give me my morning chuckle! Keep up the good work! xx Moy

[Judith41]

Bless you all for a brilliant start to the morning. 😊. I too, have been written to by ‘Sue’. The missive was an email, not Facebook, which I suppose must be the same for us all. Wishing you all a good day. Judith. xx

[tamariki]

I thought you were talking about that staple food SPAM:))

[jackdup]

Good to see you posting again as it seems it had been quite some time since you posted and was hoping you were okay.