am I overreacting

[Granolalover7777]

I spent Xmas on the ward. I had my unwrapped presents 🎁 for my son and daughter at home. I was supposed to open them with the kids on my leave on Boxing Day.

My so called husband has given them the presents I bought without me. I’ve been in an out of hospital all year and bought those presents way in advance so he knew I had the intention of giving them like I do every year. I’m feeling so upset. He claims he didn’t know but he is always trying to get an emotional reaction. To be honest I’m teary just talking about it. My kids mean so much to me and I haven’t been a mom to them this year because I was so poorly after pregnancy. 🤰

Am I overreacting? I am always second guessing my self. I want to cry 😢

[Jenny_at_APP Partner]

Hi Granolalover7777

I’m so sorry you’re feeling so upset. I can completely understand you feeling this way when you were looking forward to opening your presents with your children tomorrow. It must be hard spending Christmas on the ward and looking forward to moments like that must mean so much.

I’m sure you’ll still have moments to treasure tomorrow so try to focus on that time you’ll spend together. It’s ok to feel upset but try not to let it bring you down, your children will just be so happy to see you.

I hope you’re doing ok. I’m thinking of you and sending warmest wishes your way.

Jenny x

[Lilybeth Volunteer]

Hello Granolalover

I’m sorry you have been so unwell and in and out of hospital. Perhaps your partner was confused and gave the presents to your children without thinking? He has probably been so worried about you. I hope you might be able to just make the most of time with your family tomorrow.

Of course your children mean so much to you. It’s not your fault that you have been so poorly this year after pregnancy. Try not to put too much pressure on yourself tomorrow and go with the flow.

You are an amazing mum going through so much for the love of your children. We all understand how overwhelming recovery is at times especially if you are separated from your family due to being in hospital. Be kind to yourself and take care 🌻

[WonderWomanUK]

Hi,

I hope you’re okay! I wouldn’t say you’re overreacting, your feelings are valid. I completely understand how you’re feeling.

You’re a great Mum! Recovery is really hard but you’re doing so well!

Have a lovely time celebrating your leave today!x

[Maria_at_APP Moderator]

Hi Granolalover7777,

I am sorry to hear you spent Christmas Day in the ward this year and that you have been in and out of hospital. This was not your fault or anyone's, do not feel guilty about not spending as much time with the kids this year, it was beyond your control.

I can imagine yesterday being so emotional for you, a lot rides on Christmas and we put on such great pressure on making the moments so memorable. I can understand you feeling hurt for your children been given presents when you were not there, your husband should have perhaps asked you what you wanted to do given you were on leave today. Try to look forward to spending the time with your son and daughter today, you are the best gift for them, not the toys.

Take good care, hope you have not long to go till you make it back home

Maria

[Pikorua Volunteer]

Good Morning Granolaover7777,

I can resonate with what has been written above. Wishing you well from the bottom of my heart. x

[mikefff]

Hi Granola,

I think it's totally understandable and normal for you to be upset, I would be too. I'm sure your kids know the presents are from you, but they will mainly be wanting you home, which will be their best present.

[Nanabluebell Volunteer]

Dear Granolalover7777, of course you are disappointed, you wanted to see your children’s little faces when they opened their presents, you needn’t question yourself. I agree with all the wise replies you have had. You have had such a very difficult time, your illness is not your fault. We can seem to put too much pressure on this season and what is expected, when Christmas could be every day, not in presents, lovely as they are but in deed. We don’t know but if you can try now to think that just maybe your husband just didn’t think, we can all be guilty of that. All we can do is our best at the time, trusting our intentions are good and we can all make mistakes even when we are old. Try now to look forward to other times, other presents. Your children love you and you love and miss them, all that can be in a great big hug, a squeeze, a cuddle, a kind word. It’s easy for us all in our material world to sometimes forget. Oops! Sorry, end of the epistle.

I ought to say that I did not suffer Postpartum Psychosis myself, my daughter did, at Christmas eight years ago. She is thankfully well. Please, If you can accept my great big virtual hug, and I am sure that of all the other Mums here who know your pain and disappointment of not being able, for a little while, to be the Mummy they dearly wanted to be. Know then that you are not alone. You will get better, so much to look forward to. Rest your mind and body, for now breath.

This too shall pass. Thinking of you wishing you well for a happy, healthy, peaceful New Year.

Judith x

[Tangerine7]

Hi Granolalover7777,

No you're not over reacting reacting at all, it's understandable that you wanted to gift the presents to your children in person, it sounds like you put a lot of thought and care into planning what to gift them and when.

Sometimes our feelings get over looked by others impulsive actions, maybe he thought he was helping, but he should have listened to your wishes and have remembered what you had asked.

It's clear that it would have meant a lot to you, but the greatest gift will simply be spending quality time with them, I know it can be hard but sometimes all that is left is the decision to make the best of the experience of being with the kids in whatever way possible, maybe playing some nice games with them depending on their age.

It's really not your fault that you have been poorly, it's completely out of anyone's control and it sounds like you're trying your best you deserve more understanding and compassion from the people closest to you.

I wish you a speedy recovery.