I was writing this post but got a call and think the post was lost as not completed, so apologies if it appears twice. Since Thursday when my partner accused me of ‘trying to steal the baby’, she’s ignored all of my messages (just simple ones, saying I love and miss her and the baby) and for a few hours it even seemed I’d been temporarily ‘blocked’. She was admitted to an MBU just over a week ago, our son having been born on 4th November. Her slide into PPP started within hours it seems. I’m due to visit tomorrow and dont know how it will go. I just wondered what other people had experienced in terms how long it can be until there is some tiny sign of cognitive improvement? Even slightly? I know it’s very much on a case by case basis. She started anti depressants about four days ago.
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FlorenceHoliday
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I can imagine it feels very hard for you at the moment, and that you feel worried about your visit tomorrow. It is such a comfort for her to see you despite the fact that it doesn't seem that way at all. The MBU is a very unfamiliar environment and seeing your familiar face will give her some sense of normality. I know that it is really really hard and I am so sorry that you and your family are going through it now.
It helps a bit to take it a day at a time and think of it as a marathon and not a sprint, she is a safe place at the moment and the best place for her to be in. I think for us the most difficult was to understand was that we were not given a definite timeline for improvement or for being discharged from the MBU. Recovery is unfortunately quite unique and our own chemistry is very different to each other. I was very early put on a drug called Olanzapine which was very sedating but helped me a lot with the most serious symptoms of the psychosis. That's just my personal experience of course. Keep on talking with the mental health team at the MBU, they will be seeing the progress your wife is making (even small steps at the beginning) and be well placed to advice you.
Things that may help your wife at this time are familiar things from home. A pillow or a blanket for example, pictures may be difficult for her to process at this point the same for books or music. I started with music when I was feeling a bit more myself but couldn't yet concentrate on holding a conversation
Do look for some help for yourself. It is a very difficult time and you have to pace and look after you, it is not selfish, it is only reasonable. If you can take some time off work, do an activity that you enjoy and share with family or friends, it will go a long way to help you cope with this situation.
I will be thinking of you and your family, do drop us a message when you need it
Hi, my wife referred me to reply to this, as a partner of someone who experienced PP, with an MBU admission. As you identify, every case will be different, so your journey and that of your partner will no doubt be different to my experiences.
My wife showed signs of PP in the days after our son was born in 2016, with a rapid progression. I will say that I never quite experienced the negative reaction from her that you have, and can only empathise with you. I would say it took probably a week until there was a notable improvement in her cognitive state. Thereafter there was a fairly rapid improvement, she was then discharged from the MBU, and plateaued a bit. She of course continued to improve small amounts day-by-day, but it wasn't spontaneous.
All you can do is to be there for her. It will improve. She's in the right place, with the right people, cliched as that is. Don't be afraid to speak to the MBU staff, I often had a quick chat about how she was doing on my way in/out. They'll have a view, and they'll welcome your input I'm sure.
I hope the visit tomorrow goes well, but even if it doesn't play out the way you'd like please don't be disheartened. It will get better.
Thanks for your message, that was really useful. I find the negativity she expresses hard, as we always reflective what an amazing funny, time we have together, even doing mundane things like shopping, so suddenly being looked at like I’m hated feels terrible. May I ask, how long was it from the beginning of treatment in the MBU until, after leaving and the ‘plateau’ you mentioned, your wife had complete lucidity and equilibrium through each day, or have you not reached that part yet?
I can imagine it's very hard to see that change in your relationship, but it's not real, don't let it get to you, difficult as that is.
Firstly I'll say that we have absolutely reached the point that PP is definitely behind us, as it will be for you in due course. I would say that it was a month or so until lucidity and equilibrium was restored. However tiredness and lethargy prevailed, and it was probably 6 months+ until things were 'normal'. As you've said previously though, know that every case is different, and don't use others as a yardstick, although that's tempting. It does take a while, and there may not be an overnight change, but there'll be day-by-day improvements, and no doubt some milestone moments along the way for you to celebrate.
Hi Nick, thanks for following up with that, it really helped when you said about the change in relationship not being real. This was such an exciting time and we had such plans so it breaks my heart to hear her say negative things that on the face of it mean all our hopes and wishes for the future are destroyed. I will keep your words in mind and they will definitely help me get through this.
I’m so sorry your wife had PPP, however still - congratulations on having your baby. No matter the circumstances that is still a blessing.
So first and foremost don’t believe the hurtful things your wife is telling you. It is part of the disease and not her rational self. When I had my psychosis 5 days after the birth of our daughter I thought I had passed and was in hell and everyone around me were not real including my husband. Then a few days later as the real delusions (of hell and such) subsided a bit I began to believe that everything was caused by me “marrying the wrong man” and that I NEEDED to divorce my husband as quickly as possible, abandon him and my daughter and live in my car. I’m assuming what this was is a fear of the awfulness of what happened to me - psychosis - and I was just trying to run away from everything and everyone.
I will say I don’t think antidepressants are enough in psychosis. I’m not a doctor of course so please ask her psychiatrists - is she on antipsychotics?? I took Olanzapine (first 5m, then 10 then they increased all the way to 15mg (20 is max) bc my symptoms weren’t improving - bc I kept telling the nurses I needed to divorce my poor sweet husband) Anyway the olanzapine is a good drug in my opinion it stops the psychosis and helps you sleep. Women who experience PPP usually take it for a year postpartum. You eventually lower the dose and then come off completely. They also had me on antidepressant and a mood stabilizer called Lamotrigine. After a cocktail of those 3 drugs I started getting better. Antidepressants by themselves take about 6 weeks I believe. Do talk to her psychiatrist team about her medications and all the options.
Know that your wife will get better. You will all get through this.
I’m glad you found this network. I have found it very valuable as a great support network with over a 1000 women to chat with who experienced this.
Happy Christmas to you and your family, don’t despair, she will get better.
Reading your reply was really powerful, thank you for taking the time. I’m sorry for what you and your family went through, it did help me though when I read what you wrote about saying you said you had to divorce your husband. Were you able to articulate why at the time of saying it? Please tell me how your husband coped? I find this aspect so very difficult
I couldn’t at the time understand why I so strongly “wanted/needed” to divorce him but I felt like I had to and that magically everything would be alright if only I would just divorce him. I kept saying this to all the nurses at the hospital too and they knew I was irrational and they tried to tell me not to tell him because they knew I wasn’t myself but I kept calling my husband from the hospital and telling him this. “I will divorce you…” My poor sweet husband. I think the medical staff reassured him that I was unwell and not to take me seriously -while I was in this psychotic state. His mother flew from another state to help him with our baby daughter and help him emotionally.
After I got well again - I asked my therapist why I was so against my husband during my psychosis, the person that I love the most (he and my daughter) and yet during my psychosis I told him I’m going to abandon him and her and my therapist had a suggestion - she said that during tough illnesses (cancer, etc.) a lot of times the ill person will lash out at their closest relatives. And perhaps in the case of women with psychosis - their delusions center on their closest relatives - their child or partner or parent.
And personally I think the reality of what has happened to me (the psychosis) was so so hard to accept that my mind just wanted to run away from it all, hence me “wanting” to divorce my husband and abandon him and my daughter. After I got well, I couldn’t wait to go back home to them. We have a very loving and strong marriage by the way, always did. And actually now, after the psychosis is behind us, we are even stronger.
So please be patient with her - as these delusions and irrational feelings and thoughts are very real to her and she won’t know why, they just are. However these are all part of the psychosis and not true. Make sure you have family or a friend to lean on. You shouldn’t do this alone. While she is at an MBU see if you can find a therapist (the hospital might have some recommendations) for you - to talk with and eventually she will need a therapist to process the trauma of the psychosis. You will all benefit from therapy as a family.
Ps. I replied also to your original post; when you have time take a look at it, there are some suggestions there (just what I found has worked for me a year post my psychosis now) on how to look after her mental health from now on. The diagnosis is very fresh for both of you, but just know that with the right medication and support, your wife will get better.
P. S. S. Also in that original post of yours, another volunteer has replied to you. I believe his forum name is dave and his reply is right below mine. I read it and I think he has some really good suggestions on how to cope for you as her partner. I’m assuming he has been in the exact spot you are in now and he really did have good advice there.
Don’t despair. This is a temporary illness. She will get better. Be patient. Find support for yourself as well.
Congratulations to you and your wife on the birth of your son. I’m so sorry your wife is experiencing such a traumatic illness but she is now in a specialist unit and will eventually recover.
I hope your visit went well today although it is very early days. I had PP many years ago and was very unaware of what was happening. In those days I was admitted via A&E to general mixed psychiatric care, with no facilities for babies, so my husband cared for our newborn son. According to my notes, the first thing I muttered was how ashamed I was, as mental health was very much in the shadows at that time. I suffered with hallucinations and delusions. Reading about myself years later it was as if I was a different person, I was very argumentative and loud, which was completely out of character.
There was very little support for my husband, trying to cope with our newborn, visiting me and working but we had family support too. It’s very important that you take care of yourself so please confide in friends and family. I hope you will find the dads and partners support group reassuring.
Not to overwhelm you with links but I wanted to mention “PP Soup” described as a nourishing mix of all things Postpartum Psychosis at ppsoupdotcom.wordpress.com put together by a mum who experienced PP with input from other mums and professionals. There is also a BBC Radio4 Woman’s Hour documentary “Unravelling Eve” with women sharing experiences but please take care listening if you are feeling fragile.
I’m sorry for rambling. With good medical care your wife will recover so try not to worry and keep talking about how you feel as it’s not easy for you. Take care 🌻
It was good to read your reply, I do appreciate it and thank you so much for the link. This forum has already helped me more than I can say. I was totally in despair and felt everything was hopeless when I first found the forum and now I do dare to have hopes for the future. My partner has also turned very loud and argumentative and has also stating swearing frequently, which she doesn’t normally do. I will ask others if they have experienced this. Thank you so much again,
So good to hear that the forum has helped you …. we are all here as you go through this worrying time.
One of my delusions when I sat with my husband was of a moth which grew in size and was constantly telling me what a bad mother I was. So this meant that as it grew I couldn’t see my husband and would shout in fear. Of course, no one except me could see the moth so it was very confusing and hurtful to my husband at the time. I’m not sure if I did swear but I wasn’t myself, so I might have in those outbursts.
It’s hard for you to be separated from your wife and newborn so make sure you take care and talk openly about how you are feeling to friends and family.
Hello FlorenceHoliday I've replied on your other post but to answer your one point on here regarding 'how long'.
I first noticed a slight 'twinkle' of my wife - not the one that had been taken over by the illness - about 3 1/2 weeks after admission to the MBU. We went for a supervised walk around the hospital grounds. Was only 20 minutes but the freedom she felt and the odd lucid conversation gave me hope at the time.
For us, things started to turn a very slow corner from that point. Just be prepared for setbacks as the road to recovery isn't just long but also bumpy (sadly my wife was very poorly again at the 6 week mark).
Everyone is different though. Some women will respond to medication and/or the therapy in the MBU better than others. My wife did not sleep - at all - for over 3 weeks after birth so getting a night's sleep was the first hurdle. Then she became adept at shrugging off the medication until the levels were really high. I've still no idea to this day how she managed to have no sleep. Clearly that was part of what made her so very poorly.
It's horrible to watch your partner struggling so much and coming out with so many completely irrational things. I remember one day that nothing I could say to my wife sunk in. She was so fearful of everything and everyone that she thought that the MBU staff and I were raping her. She was, literally, climbing up the wall and trying to escape out of the window and throwing things out of it screaming the whole way through. That evening she flat out refused to take any medication orally. Despite the nurses best efforts at persuasion, she had to be pinned to the bed and given an injection. It was awful. Once I'd finished crying at home I told myself it was the right thing to do otherwise she'd never get better.
It's the illness. Not you. Just keep telling yourself that. She will get better, it just won't happen overnight but she's getting the help she needs.
It might be worth asking the MBU staff if you can have a printout or a talk about the specific medication that they have administered. I found that really helpful. Feel free to suggest things that you feel may work for your wife too. Whilst the MBU staff are the experts for treating PP you know your partner.
Make sure you take some for yourself. It's not selfish - you can better help your partner the next day then.
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