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Hi my name is Kirsty I'm just looking to tell my story and find some friends to chat to about it ..

Here goes .

My name is Kirsty I have a little girl of 7 months , I was in labour with her for 3 days then had a emergency c section then was in hospital for 3 days so I had not sleep for 6 days !! I came home and still didn't sleep I started to Belive wierd things and have wierd thoughts and hallucinate it was a terrifying thing for me , I was also acting like I was possessed I also had strange beliefs , thinking my baby had died or I was going to give birth to her again I thought my dog was possessed by the devil ,I thought I was dying , my husband took me to the Docters twice and A and E 3 times but no one could help me I was in a bad way for 12 days before they placed me into a mental health unit for 10 days i was then diagnosed with post partum psychcosis and they also found it had a nasty infection from my c section I had 3 lots of strong antibiotics ,I was without my darling daughter unable to see her I also got treated so badly in the unit it was awful , I finally they sent me to a mother and baby unit we're I started to get help and start to recover , I then came home with a crisis team seeing me daily as time went on after about 4 months I was fully recovered ,

I'm looking to talk to some ladies about things I have been through and anyone that has been through a same situation

Would love to here from some of you ladies

Kirsty xx

12 Replies

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  • Hello Kirsty

    Thank you for sharing your story. It sounds very traumatic and similar to the stories of other mums you will 'meet' here. We are all virtual friends and you are very welcome to chat anytime.

    The delusions are very frightening aren't they? I had PP twice when I was 23 and 29 and had some very strange thoughts and ideas. If you search on here for a post entitled 'Delusions of Grandeur and other religious experiences' you will be able to read about some of the strange ideas we had which were all very real and frightening at the time.

    You should be very proud of yourself that you have recovered quite quickly. I spent six months in and out of psych units, although this was many years ago and treatment has now improved.

    I'm sure other mums here will be happy to share their stories with you.

    Take good care of yourself.

  • Hi Kirsty,

    It's nice to 'meet' you :)

    My little boy has just turned 3 and PP hit for me around 3 weeks after his birth. I was very fortunate that I got help very quickly. My husband was concerned about my bizarre behaviour and managed to get me seen at the maternity unit as we lived just around the corner. I was sent home with reassurance in the early hours of the morning but was back in the next day having gone markedly downhill and quickly descended into psychosis. I believed some very strange things too though a lot of the time I had a level of insight so everything was so confusing - it all made perfect sense (everything in my life had been preparing me for 'this', whatever 'this' was) yet at the same time it couldn't possibly make sense! I spent a night in the postnatal ward believing I was having all the babies then was transferred to an MBU 50 miles away the next morning.

    I think the very acute phase of the psychosis only lasted 2-3 days, I responded well to quetiapine. This was followed by a couple of weeks of intense confusion and paranoia, believing everyone else in the unit was an actor, that I was in some kind of social experiment, always trying to crack the code and find the magic answer to some unknown question and be free again. Things gradually improved, helped by visits home, and I was discharged home after exactly one month in the MBU.

    I would say I was fully recovered and back to 'normal' relatively quickly though it took a long time to process everything. I didn't feel 100% myself until I came off the antipsychotics which I was on for just over a year. And it took longer than that to truly come to terms with it all - meeting other women here on the forum and in person through APP really helped with that.

    It sounds like you had an awful time before finally being admitted to an MBU. I'm so glad you're recovered now and I hope you're enjoying your little girl. Things will keep getting better.

    Look after yourself. I hope you find it helpful to share stories here, I know I have.

    J x

  • Kirsty

    How are things just read your post and my heart goes out to you. You made it! Now recovery and processing what's happened to you and then coming to terms with it. I suffered pp twice I have found coming to terms with what happened very challenging. Its 14 & 10 years ago. Try and get some counselling so you have opportunity to talk to a professional without being judged. That helped me but I wish I'd done it earlier. Be kind to yourself and enjoy your time with your baby. Good luck we are 'special' we've been to the 'other' side that's what I tell myself!! X

  • Hi Kirsty,

    Thank you for sharing your story. Its amazing how similar our pp episodes can be. I also had many delusions. I thought I was a 33 degree mason. I believed my son was the reincarnation of Walt Disney! When I was taken to the Emergency room I believed that I was having my son again and that he was dead and I still had to deliver him. I thought I was pushing him out when I was using the bed pan. Then my delusions turned very religious and I thought I was mary, my husband God and my son Jesus. And im not even a religious person! I also had a traumatic birth experience. It was 28 hrs after I was induced. Then 2~3 nights with very broken sleep. I became psychotic very quickly. I was admitted to the psych hospital for 10 days. The first part of my stay I continued to be psychotic because I refused to take the medicine. Of course I thought the workers were trying to kill me. I spent several days trying to escape. 3 weeks after I fell into a depressive/anxiety state and had to be taken back to the hospital. My stay that time was 6 days. It was harder that time because the medicine didnt help me "snap out of it" like the anti psychotic. I thought I was going to feel depressed and lifeless forever!

    My recovery has been very steady. I would consider my self back to normal even though I have been changed forever. I believe for the better! I am still dealing with the residual trauma. I have the best counselor who specializes in ptsd and trauma. She is amazing! With out her I wouldnt be at the place I am now. My relationship with my son strengthens by the day. How is your relationship with your daughter. Qas your family/partner supportive?

    Our delusions are extremely frightening and traumatic experiences. I still think about them a lot and its been 14 months. I think its very healing for me though to hear others story and know I am not alone in my episode and recovery. Take care!

    Anne

  • Hello there, one of the great things about this site is that you can be encouraged that many of us have had very similar experiences. Reading your account reminds me of the things I went through all very bizarre but very similar indeed. I do want to wish you well with your recovery and it is good that you have found this site and others will share their stories with you. Even though my experience was 27 years ago it will always be very clear. i certainly experienced thoughts that my little girl had died, then i was convinced if I fell asleep I would die too. I had delusions of grandeur, hallucinations and heard whispering voices. I also had deep theological thoughts even though I was not a believer at that time. My good news is that I did go on to have 2 more little girls and did not experience PP with either of them, and I took progesterone therapy as soon as I gave birth.

    Be encouraged there is light at the end of the tunnel! Helen x

  • Hi Helen,

    Please could you give me some information on your progesterone therapy following the birth of your children?

    Many thanks in anticipation,

    C

  • Hello there and yes of course. I liaised with Dr Katherina Dalton at the time. She has since passed away but she did write an excellent book on post natal depression and she covered psychosis in Nancy's Tale. My plan with her was to try to keep my blood sugar level by following an eating plan taking in small carbohydrates ever 3 hours. This meant I took oatcakes and such into labour with me. Following delivery I was to have injections of progesterone for I think about a week to ten days and these were administered by the mid wives who visited afterwards. After the injections I then had progesterone suppositires for a period of time but I cant quiet remember as it is 19 and 15 years ago. Another thing we did was to have my mum move in lock stock and barrel so to speak and so all I had to do was feed my baby. My Mum cooked and cleaned and took all the pressure off me. This lasted for two weeks. No body seems able to prove things one way or another but I did not experience psychosis second or third time round and by taking progesterone it meant I could breast feed. Using lithium or oestrogen would not have allowed that to happen. Hope this helps. Helen x

  • Hi cathinlondon,

    I just wanted to write re progesterone therapy, as Helen says though some say they have a positive experience, research has found that there is no evidence to suggest that it can stop pp, and in fact research shows that in can increase the risk of postnatal depression.

  • My experience wasn't as bad as some I have read about but I live in Brazil away from family and my grasp of Portuguese considering how long I have been here is shocking!! I think mine was the result of trauma from 2 emergency c-sections - the first because the doctor gets paid more for c-sections and the second 2 weeks later because I had an infection due to a swab they had left in!

    I had hallucinations thinking my baby was dead because of the 2 c-section, that I had 2 babies because I had 2 c-sections. Fortunately 2 months on I feel back to normal but am still on meds. At one point we were at the beach and I was in the sea and I thought I was dying and being lead into the light.

    As everyone says there is light at the end of the tunnel and when your baby smiles at you, you realise that as horrendous as it all was you have a beautiful baby and it was worth it.

    Look after yourself!

    Joss xx

  • Kirsty - So sorry to hear about your terrible experience. I had a postpartum psychosis over 30 years ago. I had a preemie baby, didn't sleep for about 10 days, then was hospitalized on a mental ward for 2 weeks. After a few months my psychiatrist tried to convince me that I was bipolar and should go on lithium for the rest of my life. Fortunately I stopped seeing him, and over a period of months gradually got back to my old self. It took me about 3 years to stop hating the doctors, who I blamed for providing terrible medical care to me and my tiny son. I have gone on to lead a happy and productive life. This happened with my second son. I had no mental health issues with my first or third son. If you feel that you had good mental health before this incident, then there is an excellent chance that you will recover soon and be OK for the rest of your life. I live in the States and am on the board of Postpartum Support International. I'm trying to tell my story to as many people as will listen. We always say, "With Help, You Will Be Well." Hold those words in your heart.

  • Hi Kirsty,

    I had a very similar experience just after my daughter was born and she is also 7 months old now. I was sectioned when she was 9 days old and it was by far the worst thing thats ever happened to me. I also had delusions and thought i was god for a while (I cringe now at the things I said to people). I also had to be physically held down and injected with something to calm me down at the psychiatric ward all because I was desperate to see my daughter and the staff kept lying to me. I was then transferred to a MABU and the staff there were amazing.

    I still think about what happened to me and try to piece it together a lot and some days I feel really sad, sometimes I feel angry, and occasionally I wonder if I ever really recovered and this life I am living now is all in my head and I'm still at the ward where I was sectioned like Jack Nicholson in One Flew Over The Cuckoo's nest.

    I find it hard to talk to people about the issues i have as a result of PPP because unless you have experienced it, its hard to understand. I believe that bad experiences and feelings from the past affected my experience with PPP and I'm trying to deal with them with a counsellor.

    When I came home from the hospital I felt fine. A few months later I came off all medication (haloperidol and lithium) and i started feeling depressed and hopeless but didnt want to take anti-depressants.

    My moods are all over the place and I'm just trying to find a balance without meds. Some days are hard but then others are good. It feels like I'm finding myself again because I lost more than just my mind when I got the illness.

    Im finding the aftermath a lot harder than i thought i would, I feel fragile now and less able to cope with stress. Also i feel more anxious and over think everything.

    On a lighter note, I met up with a girl who had PPP too and it was good to talk in depth to someone who really understands. Also im reading a book called "10 mindful minutes. A journal" by Goldie Hawn. Its really good.

    Its early days for us both, just be patient with yourself and take it step by step. Congratulations on your daughter by the way, they are the most precious blessing. She will help you get through this, I know mine helps :)

    If you've got any questions or want any advice just let me know :)

    Alex x

  • Hi Alex

    Your story sounds so similar. After the high of PP the depression does hit hard, don't give up, keep going back to the psyc because medication will help. The first time I had it I don't think I actually believed I was ill, second time around it was a dreadful feeing of de ja vue but I was able to ask for help because I knew the meds could take the edge off.

    I'm 11 and 8 years on from my episodes now, I still think about it a lot.

    I suffer bad mood swings relating to my periods.

    I does help to talk it really does. you will get through it I promise.

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