New job

[Zebrawhite]

I've just got a new job and should be happy and excited. Instead I am just really worried whether I will be able to hold it down because I am still feeling like someone is watching me. I feel like someone is watching me and wanting me to fail, I can't shake it and it is making me afraid. Has anyone ever felt this way and got over it. Any tips welcome.

[Rachel_at_APP Partner APP]

Hi Zebrawhite,

I’m really sorry that you have been offered a new job but it might be feeling clouded by your feelings of worry at the moment. It’s really good that you have felt able to apply for a new role at this time that’s really positive and shows that you have faith in yourself. Congratulations on getting the role. That’s fantastic.

I wonder if you could visit your doctor to discuss your feelings of worry, potentially even could you describe it as anxiety about what you’re feeling? I know I would’ve described my feelings as paranoid when I came home from hospital, I doubted so so many things.

I know for myself even returning to a role I’d done for many years following my maternity leave felt quite overwhelming and I know many others who would describe it the same. A lot has changed since you had your little one and you have been through such a lot. My advice would be to keep talking to your health professionals visit your doctor and chat through what you’re feeling.

What I can say is that the feeling of worry I had or of paranoia were definitely temporary. I’m sorry to hear though that you feel you are being watched at the moment, that must feel worrying of itself irrespective of your new job.

Keep writing on here if it helps, I know it did me feeling that I was surrounded by people who really understood.

Take care thinking of you,

Rachel

[Zebrawhite in reply to Rachel_at_APP]

Thank you Rachel. I do still feel paranoid, but it's good to hear that for you those feelings were temporary. I am hoping they will be for me too. I am also hoping that the structure work will provide me with will make me feel more secure. I don't know how my cognitive functions will be at work now, I feel like I might be a bit slower than I was before the psychosis. I don't know whether to disclose the illness or not. I really need to be working but I am anxious about being able to keep the job. I still feel like I'm living in a dream like state. I don't feel real completely. It's difficult to describe, I think it might be depersonalization. I wonder if anyone else here has any experience of it?