I'm new here.

[Bring-it-Back-to-you]

Hello,

I am 30 years old from Birmingham UK and was diagnosed Bipolar when I was 19 after experiencing a serve depressive state followed by a manic episode. This was just brushed under the carpet as one of those one off things and I didn't receive any therapy on ways to cope going forward.

It is only now that I've truly accepted and understood my illness since I had my son who is now one. I was severely depressed and psychotic a few days after he was born. I honestly thought it was the end of my life, no bond at all with my son, suicudal, delusional and after waiting 4weeks I was admitted to a mother and baby unit in Derby where I stayed for 8 weeks. I wouldn't wish my experience of been so unwell and admitted on anyone but for me it was the best thing that could have happened as I got the help I needed after many years of just 'coping' being up and down like the weather not knowling what is real and what's not.

My struggle as I am sure it was/is for many began when I was trying to get pregnant.. having Bipolar did not even cross my mind (and clearly not by my GP who just gave me anti depressants)

3 miscarriages and 3 years later I fell pregnant. All of a sudden it was like sirens were going off... bipolar and pregnancy= 80% chance of becoming unwell! But no one said what it would be like if I become unwell I had no one to relate to, I did everything in my power to not become unwell but it happened, nothing can really prepare you for it, it just took over and I felt all alone. I now know the key things myself and my family should have been told is it will be ok, it will pass, it's not your fault you are not alone.

I now have the support I need, I had a perinatal CPN until a few months ago and have another CPN who I see every 2 weeks. I take my medication and take each day as it comes.

I am hoping to have a second child at some point however I would be lying if I said I wasnt worried about the thought.

Looking forward to connecting with others who have had similar experiences and will offer my support for hope & recovery.

[Bluelady-sing]

Were you diagnosed after one admission

[Bring-it-Back-to-you Volunteer in reply to Bluelady-sing]

When I was 19 I was admitted to a psych ward and diagnosed Bipolar and then at 28 I was admitted to MBU with PP after having my son.

[Teresa_K_S Volunteer]

HI Bring it back to you,

What an ordeal you.have had having postpartum psychosis and that following 3 miscarriages over the previous years. I'm so sorry to hear of your loss which must have been devastating.

It is great that you have support in place now. I found having a CPN such a help. I too have bipolar following PP with my 1st born. Although I wasn't informed of the bipolar diagnosis until I was.planning my 2nd pregnancy.

I wanted another baby so much but I knew I couldn't take the risk of being ill and so I ended up with a 7year gap between my first and second. I used to get so upset seeing all the baby things around the house that I had to move them to the loft I seemed to just know when I felt ready to have another baby. Once pregnant although happy and excited I was still anxious throughout but fortunately I wasn't ill with my second and went on 3years later to have a third baby. I wasn't ill the third time either so I think myself really lucky. Although it was really down to medications, a good mental health team and a lot of support both practical and emotional from family and friends.

I hope you find the replies encouraging. There are so many different experiences no ones story seems the same but we all know how awful PP is and there are so many uplifting messages of hope to read

Take Care

Teresa x

[Bring-it-Back-to-you Volunteer in reply to Teresa_K_S]

Thank you so much for your kind words. I feel so blessed to have found this forum x

[Arabella-]

Hiya, I am bipolar too and had post Partum psychosis after my first daughter was born. Luckily I was able to stay at home throughout the illness. It took about four months to recover.

I was worried when I had my second but fortunately I had a great perinatal mental health team who supported me. I upped my meds beforehand and really enjoyed my second baby... so much so I am now expecting my third!

That fear of being ill hasn’t gone away for me - I think when you have had PP there is always a slight or not so slight fear of it coming back.

Maybe you’ll be posting here one day, putting someone else’s mind at ease that it is possible to stay healthy x

[Bring-it-Back-to-you Volunteer in reply to Arabella-]

It’s lovely to hear about your recovery and positive experience of having a 2nd & now 3rd child! Huge congratulations. It’s encouraging to know that with the right care plan & support it is possible.

[Arabella- in reply to Bring-it-Back-to-you]

It is 😀 xx

[ColibriGirl]

Hello and welcome to the forum! I have found it so helpful to have this community. It sounds like you have been through a huge amount and I'm sure you will find lots of people with similar experience. I was also admitted to a MBU for 8 weeks after my son was born with postnatal psychosis and have had therapy in the community with a perinatal mental health team.

I agree with you it is horrible to be so unwell but wonderful to get the care you need and to come through such a difficult time with the right support in place. Sending you lots of love and hugs.

[Bring-it-Back-to-you Volunteer in reply to ColibriGirl]

Thank you, your kind words mean so much.

[Lilybeth Volunteer]

Hello Bring-it-Back-to-you

So pleased you have found the forum and have been reassured that you are not alone! Belated congratulations on the birth of your son after going through so much heartache.

I'm sorry I don't have any experience of bipolar to share. I did have PP many years ago so can relate to the feelings and thoughts you had before you were admitted to specialist care in the MBU. My thoughts were all very real and frightening at the time as they must have been for you. I was eventually sectioned for my own safety and admitted to mixed general psychiatric care as there were no MBUs way-back-when.

I'm so happy that you now have the support you need. I think chatting to a CPN is a good outlet as there is so much to come to terms with. Taking each day as it comes is a good way to cope and the forum is a great space to talk and share experiences. When I first came to the forum I was instantly comforted by the support here and realised what happened to me wasn't my fault!

I think you're amazing after all you have been through. I hope one year on you can breathe a sigh of relief that you are slowly recovering. Be kind to yourself and take it easy .... we are all here to listen.

[Pikorua Volunteer]

Hello Bring-it-Back-to-you,

yes, you are not on your own and there are such a lot of wonderful and amazing mums on this site.

After PPP and a truly traumatic experience in a psychiatric unit I felt cheer loneliness inside my head, despite having the most wonderful full time care; my partner , who saved my live in rescuing me from the hospital after 39 days.

I was on some very traditional drugs and weaned off pretty quickly, but suffered with Insomnia and constant mind racing. I usually went to bed in the morning and if lucky slept for 3 hours...that carried on until I found APP.

In 2018 I was diagnosed with BP and since then my partner and I were able to move forward and work towards a pattern with a routine suitable for all of us.

Little and big man are the most amazing & loving guys and support me when I struggle with my immense highs and the occasional little lows.

We are a happy unit. Strangely enough the social distancing and isolation does not appear to be a problem for me as social and agora phobia is part of my bipolar. I tried to go shopping last Friday for food, but anxiety makes me so terribly poorly and I was in bed for most of the day.

Recovery is all different for us and a lot depends on the way how we implement our tools in order to cope with triggers.

I honestly can say I would not change my life, even though I am unable to lecturer, which I used to do in my previous life. We will understand our mission and purpose in life and when reflecting on the experiences of mums in this forum, loads of them have realy found their passion...in my case it is my creativity, painting, spiritual path and loads of meditation, and learning … nearly finished my level 3 art therapy course and going to continue with Reiki 1/2.

Take good care and all in stepping stones. I also appreciate and live with the momentum as I never know what to expect with the dance of my moods and cycling bipolar, which even can happen several times throughout the day. (I have to avoid a lot of news and social media at the moment, because of the suffering of human beings)

x