Newly diagnosed daughter

[Lizzie69]

My daughter has been newly diagnosed and been hospitalised. Would any mothers be able to offer me advice to support her, her baby and partner?

Many thanks

[Antitodo]

Hi Lizzie69 ,

I am sorry your daughter, her family and you are going through this. First, please be assured that she will recover. Even when it feels like there is no end in sight, remember this will pass.

I am sure APP volunteers will send you some useful resources. In the meantime, please know that just being there for your daughter makes a huge difference.

At the beginning, I think thinking in practical terms should help. What I mean is, focus on hers and her husband's physical needs. Make sure they are both eating and sleeping properly.

So, I think trying to minimise the workload for her and her husband is your number one job. Also, let her feel loved, not much more you can do unfortunately. I found time was the greatest healer, so be patient.

Try to help with the baby only as much as she needs - I found that taking care of my baby when I started to recover was very therapeutic.

Lastly, listen to her, she might tell you herself what she needs or doesn't need - Let her take the lead, she will be ready for different things at different times. We all need different things so it is important to be receptive to what is helping her and what is not. In my case, I found my mum very overbearing, so what I needed from her was distance. She instead focused on supporting my husband at home.

I wish you and your daughter the best recovery. Good luck.

[Lizzie69 in reply to Antitodo]

Thank you for your reply I have found some information APP network website. It all feels a lot surreal especially as it only seemed to start a few weeks ago and the baby is five months.

Just trying to be there for her, the baby and her partner. I think finding this forum will be invaluable. I will read lots of information as having knowledge is my coping mechanism on this scary journey.

Thanks again

[Ellie_at_APP Partner]

Dear Lizzie69

Hello my name is Ellie. I'm one of APP's national peer support coordinators, and had postpartum psychosis in 2011 after the birth of my son. I'm so glad you've found us and reached out for support.

I'm so sorry to hear that your daughter is experiencing postpartum psychosis and has been hospitalised. This happened to me too, when my son was 3 days old. I know it is such a shock and trauma for the whole family, not just for those of us who go through it. Is your daughter in a mother and baby unit, with her baby?

As a charity we can offer support to you as a whole family. Information about postpartum psychosis and our support is here, there are guides about recovery etc which you might find helpful to read:

app-network.org/

We have some peer support volunteers whose daughter's also experienced postpartum psychosis, and also a group of 'grandparents' who meet every other month on Zoom to share experiences and support each other. If you'd like more information about this support do email me [e-mail]

We also offer support to partners / dads and co-parents. Simon is our Dads and Co-parents coordinator, whose wife experienced postpartum psychosis, if your daughter's partner would like to talk with him. We have a monthly call for Dads and co-parents too, to connect and support each other. Your daughter's partner can contact Simon on [e-mail] or they can also write to me too.

In terms of how to support your daughter. I know when I was really acutely unwell, it can be hard to know how to support. We have found not denying the delusions, but rather empathising with the feelings, helps - for example "that sounds so scary" "I'm so sorry you're feeling like that" etc. I remember my mum visiting me when I was so poorly in hospital, even in the middle of the psychosis, and her presence was so reassuring. I remember her hugging me and telling me she loved me. This really helped me. My parents were such a source of support.

This blog was written by someone with lived experience of postpartum psychosis, and might be helpful to read. She shares about what to say to someone who has experienced postpartum psychosis:

ppsoupdotcom.wordpress.com/...

The most important thing to say to you is that your daughter really will come through this and be herself again. I know that is hard to believe when you are in the middle of the crisis, and she seems very poorly. I too was very acutely unwell and fully recovered, and became the mum I always wanted to be. Many of us will say the same on here.

Thinking of you and your family, and know that we are here for you

Ellie

[Lizzie69 in reply to Ellie_at_APP]

Hi Ellie,

thank you for your reply. I will read all the information and found the Facebook live on the app- network website.

Many thanks 😥

[Jp124]

Hi Lizzie,

I had PP last year, which came as a huge surprise for me and my family as I had no history of MH problems or any awareness of what PP actually was.

I spent 8 weeks in an MBU and eventually got well enough for discharge, so I do want to reassure you things get better. 18 months on now, and I’m the best I’ve ever felt both mentally and physically. It’s a really hard time for family members, who I imagine feel helpless. A lot of my psychosis and paranoias were aimed at my partner and me being worried he was trying to take my daughter away from me, so he had a real tough time. Thankfully he stood by me and we’re still going strong, even hoping to try for a second soon.

If I could give you any advice, it would be just be there for your daughter which I am sure you are being. Listen to her and make sure she’s heard, I was dismissed quite a lot for my beliefs which is understandable because they were so far fetched, but it made me feel like people were working against me all the time.

I promise she will get better with the right care and support. You will get your daughter back. You just have to ride the waves in the meantime.

I’m so sorry that you’re all having to suffer at the hands of this awful illness and I wish you all, all the best in your daughters recovery.

[Carmen25]

hi Lizzie69

I’m sorry to hear that your daughter had Postpartum psychosis. I experienced same after the birth of my son and was in hospital for 3 months.

First to say it’s great that you are accessing the resources of APP which will be very helpful to you and all your family

I agree with so much of what others have said. My top 3 from my own experience would be:

To reassure you that your daughter will recover. This can take time and there may be days when she doesn’t believe she will and especially if she doesn’t recognise that she has an illness from which she can recover

If she experiences delusions to not disagree with these or to try persuade her against believing them. My experience of delusions is that I was 100% convinced what I believed was true so it was very frustrating to have people try to persuade me I was wrong.

Practical support and visits are invaluable

With best wishes

[WonderWomanUK]

Hi  Lizzie69

Sorry to hear about your daughter. There are some great comments here so far.

My Mum found that reading APP resources & conversations with medical professionals made her feel better as I was going to recover (and I have).

I had a very supportive family but I’ve got to say my Mum was my biggest advocate too.

I was very lucky she stayed over to do night feeds a few nights a week when I was home from hospital and still on antipsychotics.

Every case is different but my experience is to listen to medical professionals and take medication required as it does help.

I wish your daughter a speedy recovery ❤️‍🩹

[Alpav]

Hi Lizzie,

I’m so sorry to hear that. I had PP three years ago and was in hospital 4 months (but I had a pre-existing bipolar diagnosis).

As everyone says, she will get better, it’s just hard not knowing well. I don’t want to seem pessimistic, but it may be helpful for you to think that your daughter’s recovery will take months, not weeks (this includes time recovering outside of hospital). Many of us come crashing down after PP and that depression can take a while to shake off. Also remember that when she is discharged, it’s because she’s well enough to not be in hospital, but isn’t fully better. I really don’t want to discourage you, but it took me quite a while to feel me again - and actually going back to work after my maternity leave really helped with that

I really struggled with a sense of no bond with my baby and so really benefitted from Parent Infant Psychotherapy. Some MBUs offer this as standard. You and your baby meet the therapist and they will comment on how you and your baby interact e.g. my therapist shared that my soon looking to me for reassurance was a sign of a bond - something I wouldn’t have picked up on myself. I would advocate strongly for PIP once your daughter is well enough - I really believe that I wouldn’t have the relationship with my son today without this. It’s a space where you can be so honest about how you’re feeling.

When coming down from PP, I can sometimes feel quite foolish about things I’ve thought or said, so I think it’s best not to bring things up unless your daughter asks about this time.

I hope we can all help you through the times ahead. I’ve found this forum invaluable for getting help and support when I need it and being part of a community that understands. Will be thinking of you all.

[GorillaMumma]

Hi Lizzie69

I am so sorry to hear that your daughter has been diagnosed with PP. When I was diagnosed in 2016 my family were shocked as it came completely out of the blue.

Your daughter is lucky to have you: the fact that you have posted here shows how caring and proactive you are. It can be so hard to know how to support someone going through this especially as pp can be quite a journey so the needs may change over time.

You don’t say whether your daughter is in a mother and baby unit(MBU) or in a general ward. In my experience the MBU was the best place for me as it supported me to get better, whilst caring and bonding with my baby.

When I was in my most confused state my I remember lots of family members trying to help with everything to do with baby. But this left me quite exhausted and feeling like I was a failure as I couldn’t do simple things myself. It was much better to only have one or two visitors at a time and to be supported to do things like feeding baby ( so they might make up formula and I would give the bottle. ) Someone said something wonderful to me which was “mummies give the best hugs” which made me feel like at least I could do that.

I would definitely ask your daughter’s partner if there’s any practical help you could give in the short term. You don’t say if your daughter has other kids so maybe they may need help with childcare etc.

At the moment the best thing you can do is be there and be patient with her. Your daughter will get better with treatment. As I said before her needs may change over time so please message the forum as much as you need to.

G mumma

[Lilybeth Volunteer]

Hello Lizzie69

Congratulations on the birth of your precious grandchild.

Although it must be upsetting for you to see your daughter so unwell, from the links you have been given I hope you will be reassured that PP is a temporary illness.

Is your daughter in a mother and baby unit? If so she will be receiving specialist care to guide her through what is a traumatic experience. I had PP many years ago at a time when there were no mother and baby units. So I was treated under mixed general psychiatric care and eventually recovered.

I hope her partner is coping and that you will both be able to visit your daughter and newborn. Remember to take good care of yourself at such a stressful time. We are all here for you. 🌻

[Lilybeth Volunteer]

Hello Lizzie69

Just wondering how you are as you watch your daughter recovering? I think just being there to listen with a comforting hug is enough in these early days. I hope her partner is coping too and might find support via the Dads’ and co-parent group mentioned earlier. There is also a support group for grandparents too.

We are all here to lean on …. take care as hospital visiting can be emotionally tiring. 🌻