I’m currently 31 weeks pregnant with my second baby, and had PP with my first baby nearly 4 years ago. I’m sorting through old baby stuff and have come across the clothes we used in those early weeks before I was sectioned at 8 weeks post partum. I’m not sure if I should reuse. Sorting through them all I have a strange feeling, not overly positive or negative but just a reminder.
I don’t think I packed these clothes away so is the first time of going through them.
Just wanted to see how others felt about reusing clothes with their babies after having PP?
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Mulan13
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Congratulations on your pregnancy. I hope you’re feeling ok towards the end of your pregnancy. I’m Rachel, I had my second in 2020, following an experience of PP when I had my first in 2016.
I think it’s so important a question you’ve asked here. I know from personal experience that some things were unhelpful reminders of what happened for example a little Ewan the dream sheep comforter, which remained firmly in the cupboard with my second as I found the sight, and sound of it just too haunting and unsettling. For me personally, clothes weren’t so much of an unsettling raising of feelings.
There is no right or wrong, I think just take each decision as it comes and you can always change your mind too as you go.
I did mix clothing, and particularly in the newborn days, my second did have all their own baby grows. I’m quite glad now with hindsight, not because of sad of hard reminders of last time but more that I wouldn’t have been able to tell their newborn photos apart as our babies were so similar! Even the way they held their arms above their heads while they slept.
I found practical things very helpful, like revisiting the maternity hospital, where I got poorly, to be very helpful. It really did help reframe some of my more unsettling hallucinations I experienced from that time.
I wonder if you’re under a Specialist Perinatal Mental Health team who you could talk to about this, if you’ve not already. As I say, everyone is different but your question is really valid, and from personal experience is something I definitely thought about too.
I think you’re justified in replacing anything that is a big trigger for you. Maybe it would make you feel better to donate them to another mum who is very much in need and buy a few different things. Having a few new things might also help you to feel like this time is different.
I will say that at 22 years out from PP, my experience has been that I continue to have some trigger feelings that last until this day. Photos sometimes do it, people or places, and reminders of things that I feared when I was psychotic. Interestingly, I was just talking with another woman about triggers a couple days ago. We were at a show, and there were characters dressed in black who were shining red lights on their faces, creating a demonic look. Back during the time when I had PP, and for several years afterward, I would have been scared to death to see that, and would’ve had to leave the room. Even after all this time, it gave me just a little bit of discomfort. Anxiety isn’t really the right word, because I can look at it now and know that it’s just actors with lights, but there’s just a little unease there still because I remember the time when that would have seriously frightened me.
The reason my friend and I were talking about triggers is that we are both survivors of breast cancer, and there are things that we both find triggering that we experienced while having chemo treatments. Both of us had reusable bags that we took with us, to carry books and things to do during our treatment. Because we both had a lot of nausea from the treatments, we both found that after a while we could not look at the bags anymore without feeling sick. (Both of us eventually had to give our bags away!) My friend says there’s a certain smell that will still make her vomit. Someone gave me some mint candies during that time, and I’ve never been able to eat them again. Our brains somehow form these associations and they’re difficult to break. I do know that the way you break them is with practice. That can be hard to do at first, but you can’t go through life without experiencing some triggers. This is actually how phobias form. People start avoiding a trigger, and the more they avoid, the worse the fear becomes. Still, I think for a short term condition like pregnancy, you need to do what you can to stay healthy now. You can work on addressing other triggers later, after baby is born and you are doing well.
Thankyou for your reply. You’ve described what I couldn’t put in to words. It’s definitely been a trigger that’s given me an uneasy feeling. I think a few new things is the way forward.
I was the complete opposite. I had my baby later on and didn't save any clothes but I felt the need to replicate what I had on the ward, as although I was severely unwell I did feel safe. I totally understand how this can also be a trigger. You could always put the bulk of clothing on vinted and buy another bulk from someone else for a fresh start. I'm currently pregnant again and I am realising again how expensive it gets to buy all the things we need.
Congratulations on your pregnancy, glad you are staying well.
I had my second in 2018 following PPP in 2015. Similar to previous messages, I do also even now get triggered by different items or situations. I have done a lot of work with my therapist on working through what happened to me 9 years ago, but for example the month of November just haunts me every year, no matter what (timely reminder of my PPP episode).
I think it's a great idea to speak with your health team and ask their opinion and equally, work through the triggers with your health professio Al.
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