With my daughter’s first birthday just over a month away I am looking at photos and memories to create a big photo album. But I’m having to look at pictures and videos from when I was unwell (before we realised) and then when in an MBU.
My daughter is beautiful and amazing in every picture but I do just feel sad knowing the background to the photos. And I guess I’m still not “over it”.
Does anyone else feel like this and have any tips?
Also, has anyone told their children about PP/time spent in psych ward/MBUs?
Thank you all!
Written by
WonderWomanUK
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Anniversaries are always hard, what a lovely idea to compile an album of your daughter's first year of life. Its a beautiful reflection and so hard at the same time, isn't it? I remember the first time my daughter saw a picture of her and I in the MBU and asked me where it was taken. I explained in some simple terms that when she was little mummy got ill and we both had to go and stay together in hospital for a little while. That's when she was 3, she is 6 now and has not asked about it for a while, though she has visited the MBU where we were. That was me, all our experiences are different and unique, so don't feel forced to share anything you don't feel comfortable with.
I think looking back at these moments is hard and for me it hasn't got any easier as although there is so much joy around the time of having my Baby there is also so much sadness as I wasn't 'me' for some of that time. I feel robbed of those moments of normality people have after having a little one. I find most of my triggers actually come from posts I may see of people having babies and being in a little bubble whereas myself and my little one were in an MBU with my partner visiting daily. It was hard on everyone including my partner and family who supported us through it all. I'm sorry I don't have any tips but I would say just go easy on yourself and remember this wasn't your fault and in no way could have been prevented. You're through the worst of it and when you hit rock bottom, the only way is up 🧡.
With regards to sharing your story with your little one, I definitely will be with my little Boy. I believe it's important to share it far and wide as it could help another person going through something similar or help a family member or friend recognise the symptoms in someone else. I've found talking about it that so many people have either been affected themselves or know someone who has. Also with Children I have read it can be genetic therefore if you have a little Girl it may help for her to know the symptoms should she go on to have Children.
I remember that first year feeling like such a milestone, but yes a milestone of such mixed emotions. As Maria has said, it's a lovely idea to put together an album for your daughter - we did a photo book of our son's first year and it's such a nice thing to have, but yes there is still a tinge of sadness attached to some of those photos.
My son is 12 now, it does get easier - there are so many happy memories to make in the coming weeks, months and years.
We have spoken about my PP. When he was little I'd tell him I had a poorly brain after he was born and we spent some time in hospital. I've told him more as he's got older, when he's asked or when it felt relevant. When I had my second son we did tell him that mummy might need to go into hospital when the baby was born if I was poorly again, but fortunately that wasn't the case. As I work for APP now, it's made it quite natural for me to talk to both my boys about mental health which I only see as being a good thing.
I hope the coming weeks aren't too difficult a time for you. Anniversaries are a time of reflection and whatever emotions you find yourself feeling, it's ok - be super kind to yourself and allow yourself some space to sit with those emotions as needed. Try to remember how far you've come too and the WonderWoman that you are 💜
Yes the birthdays / anniversaries are hard, I found the first birthday particularly hard, I still had a lot of sadness about what had happened, and still wasn't fully recovered and felt a lot of frustration and sadness about that as well as we came up to a year. However my son is 13 now, we've celebrated many birthdays with him, and they have got easier, and I don't think about the pp on his birthday now, as we have so many other memories of other birthdays to remember.
I have talked to my son about what happened when he was a baby, especially as he got older. This has been easy for me in some ways as I work for APP so I can explain it in terms of what I do for my job as well.
We do have a 'being a parent after pp' guide which has been written by people with lived experience, and also checked by professionals. It covers talking to your children about pp, at different ages. It's free to download from our website, I hope it will be helpful to read:
Give yourself time, it took be many years before I could look at the photos just before I went to the general psychiatric hospital.. it was just too traumatic, I have had counselling and am able to look at them with out the memories flooding back When my daughter was small I used to tell her about the Eastborne clinic, that I was poorly and we went there to be near the sea to get better, as that is all she needed to know, as both my children grew up into adulthood I have said more and they know about PP , they know the PTSD that came out years later was because of the general psychiatric hospital treatment.
You could tell the story gradually, making a little book of your journey, depending how you are feeling, adding bits as you tell the story.. it may allow you to heal a little.
I remember that I wanted to do this for my little boys first birthday and was reflecting a lot on the journey that we had been on. However looking back at the pictures was really hard and upsetting so in the end I didn’t do it. Initially when I looked at them I almost wanted to just delete them as I found them so triggering but I’m so glad that I didn’t. I had some counselling which I had started when my little boy was about 18months old and that really helped me. He is now coming up for his second birthday and I have made the album now for his first year as I was able to look back at the pictures and actually feel more pride about the journey that we had been on rather than feeling sad. I hope your little one has a lovely first birthday and be kind to yourself x
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