Paranoia after psychosis

[Zebrawhite]

Me again. Has anyone else experienced severe paranoia after psychosis? I'm afraid to go out on my own in case someone is out to get me. Has anyone felt this way and recovered from it? If so, what helped?

[Ellie_at_APP Partner]

Hi Zebrawhite

I'm so sorry to hear you're experiencing paranoia. That sounds horrible that your scared to go out, and are worried someone is out to get you.

Can you speak to one of your mental health professionals about it? Are you in touch with anyone regularly? It sounds intense and upsetting, and possibly you might need some medication adjustment to help with the thoughts? It might help to write down the thoughts you're having, and how often, so that you can be clear when you're talking to someone about it.

I did have some more paranoid thoughts when I was recovering from the psychosis and they increased my anti psychotic medication, and that it did help.

Do reach out for support. Take care

Ellie

[Zebrawhite in reply to Ellie_at_APP]

Hi EllieI spoke to a therapist from the perinatal mental health team about it today and she was helpful. I'm being moved to the adult community mental health team soon as my son is now over a year old. I was hoping to maybe get some ongoing therapy then.

[Survivedwithcolor]

I did experience paranoia. My doctors always said that it was an ongoing symptom of psychosis and they would increase my antipsychotic meds. I think they just went straight for the meds every time, when there may have been other solutions. I'll never know. CBT may be helpful with this, as it involves rationalizing your thoughts and creating plans and routines to throw off those harmful thoughts.

[Zebrawhite in reply to Survivedwithcolor]

Do you know how long after your psychotic break you felt paranoid for. It has been 3 months for me and still feeling this way. I'm already on the highest dose of antipsychotics.

[Survivedwithcolor in reply to Zebrawhite]

The first year was the most difficult for me. Looking back it is hard to remember exactly which symptoms I had at what exact time. It has been more than 20 years since my child was born. I’d say I had episodes of paranoia for many years afterward, but it wasn’t like it was there all the time, and they decreased in severity. Gradually I learned how to deal with it and accept it, and the symptoms lessened. I think anxiety had a lot to do with it. The part that was the most difficult to overcome, and I think this is what the medication helps with, is the way your mind replays this endlessly. I don’t know what that is called - maybe rumination? But that is what I was unable to stop, or rationalize, or think my way out of. Only medication would stop that. It’s one thing to have a thought and tell yourself, “Nah, that can’t be true,” but it’s a lot harder to convince yourself when your mind is bringing it up over and over and over, all day, all night.

I wish I understood that thought process better.

The important thing for you to know is that this will pass. It WILL pass. It might take some time, but you will be well again. It’s very tough to understand, tough to live through, but keep that flame in your heart.

[LizzieLizzieLou]

Hi Zebrawhite, I’m so sorry to hear you’re experiencing this. I relate to how awful it is.

I experienced paranoia after my psychotic episode finished. I found a psychiatrist I really trusted and confided my thoughts in him. We played around with my medication and in my case it didn’t really make a difference, but I understand that for some people it makes a big difference. Can you speak to your mental health team? Can you ask if they think you might benefit from having your medication adjusted?

I was still experiencing these thoughts 8-9 months post psychosis and when I’d been completely weaned off the antipsychotics by the psychiatrist. He came to think my paranoia was linked to trauma from the birth, my baby’s health and psychotic experience and he recommended EMDR. It was a game changer for me. They decreased a lot after that. Are there any therapies like EMDR or CBT that you could access if your mental health team think it’s appropriate for you?

I still get mild-moderate paranoid thoughts and it’s 4.5 years later with no relapses/poor mental health since, but I can manage them and they don’t stop me from doing things. For me, I know it’s related to what I went through, they kinda ‘make sense’ given my experience and hyper vigilance (which I’m working on) but the key for me is I know my thoughts are not proportionate to the risk and I have some good techniques to try and manage them. I also speak openly to my GP about them, who knows me well, and I trust she would escalate if she thought they were becoming concerning.

Hope there might be some questions in there you could ask you MH team, or options to help you manage as you get further through your recovery.

The other thing I tried doing was slowly exposing myself to the things that I was paranoid and fearful of. This might not be appropriate in your situation so ask you MH team what they think. But my MH team encouraged me to walk to the letterbox one day with someone, then when that was comfortable with that, to the end of the street. I slowly built up until I could tolerate being out by myself, and further away/for greater lengths of time.

[Zebrawhite in reply to LizzieLizzieLou]

Thank you for your reply. I will see if I can get some EMDR therapy perhaps. I am in process of being transferred from the perinatal mental health team to the community adult team, so will have to wait for that to happen first. I'm on the maximum dose of Olanzapine, so I don't know what can be done medication wise.

I have a lingering feeling of being watched by by 'someone or an organisation'. I feel like I'm being tracked and what I'm doing is being broadcast somewhere on the dark Web for money. It doesn't help that my body feels different since having psychosis.

Has anyone else felt a similar thing before? Like the CIA is watching them for an experiment? I made the mistake of reading about MKUltra which the CIA did in the 70s, and this has made it even worse. I feel like some of the other patients at the hospital were actors that were in on the experiment based on what they said to me, and that's the only way I can make sense of my experience.

[LizzieLizzieLou in reply to Zebrawhite]

Oh, that sounds so tough! I’m so sorry you’re experiencing this.

I too was on the highest licenced dose of Olanzaphine. My psychiatrist had said at the time they can prescribe ‘off licence’ doses or something like that if there is potential benefit. So I’d ask your team about whether it’s appropriate to change doses or if they think there might be another antipsychotic better suited for you? You never know, but it can’t hurt to ask.

As a heads up with EMDR, you can’t really ‘start’ properly until you have enough relaxation techniques to be able to think intensely about your experience. So for me, I spent the first couple of months learning to calm my body down, manage anxiety related to what happened, and get comfortable talking about my experience. At the time I felt impatient about this, but it was actually incredibly helpful. Giving you a heads up about the process as I went in with unrealistic expectations.

In terms of my thoughts, I too felt like people were watching me. In my case I was worried they were waiting for me to do something wrong and catch me out on it. Funnily enough, I too had been reading a book (I know for you a movie) with themes like this just before I gave birth and I wonder if that meant it was kinda ‘too of mind’ when I became ill. It was awful. I still feel in medical settings like I’m being watched, even though I know that’s not the case.

I relate to feeling like there were actors in the mental health ward too. I’ve spent a lot of time in therapy talking about this. I’ve come to the conclusion that these feelings were my brains way of trying to make sense of a highly distressing and highly unusual situation. I figure for me I was unwell and highly medicated, so of course it was difficult to process my experience in the moment, and that’s at the same time that the people you are around are also very unwell so its not surprising that they may have said or done things that’s were strange and unpredictable. So I try to have empathy for my former self who interpreted people as been actors - it’s an incredibly difficult situation to interpret!

I benefitted a lot by talking this stuff through in therapy. Could you ask your MH team if you can access any talking therapies? To be fair though, it took till I was about 18months/2 years post episode to have recovered and healed enough to be able to explore this. So be patient with yourself. You’ve been through so much in having ppp, having a new baby to look after and adjusting to motherhood.

I hope you have someone good in the community adult team when youre transferred.