I had PPP in November 2023 after the birth of my beautiful daughter. I was in a psychiatric ward for 10 days and MBU for 5 weeks. I still take a mood stabiliser but off antipsychotics and have been for a few months.
My closest friends and family know what happened, with my family being a great support.
I head back to work soon and am meeting up with school friends soon too. The question is - do I mention it?
On one hand, I feel like it needs to be spoken about as so many (myself and family included) haven’t heard of PPP and don’t understand the severity of it.
I did go through a tough time and will be a bit different because of it (my priority is myself and family and that is that). I also feel robbed of alot of time with my daughter, although only 8 days apart, I still “wasn’t myself” due to antipsychotic making me drowsy etc for a few months - I wish I had longer off with her to make up for it!
Part of me is still ashamed and embarrassed (sorry to say!) I know I wouldn’t feel that way if I was in hospital for 6 weeks for a physical injury! But actually I’ve overcome it and pretty proud of myself that I have!
On the other hand, is it anyone else’s business? Do they need to know?
Really curious on your views on this one!
PS I read these posts daily - thank you all for your honesty, supporting words and just being a great forum to come to!
Written by
WonderWomanUK
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Thank you for your post. I had pp 8 years ago after the birth of my son. It can be tricky explaining your experience for the first time. Firstly I'd say you don't owe anyone your story, I can imagine it's still quite raw for you as you had pp in November, you've got a lot going on at the moment with returning to work, so be mindful of what would help you in this period. Maybe have a response in mind for when/if people ask you how was your maternity leave was etc. It could be something quite general such as ' I wasn't very well after she was born' and then see where the conversation takes you.
I can very much relate to the guilt you're feeling about the time spent away from your daughter.
If it's any comfort I spent many weeks away from my son whilst recovering from pp, and 8 years on he has no recollection of this and our bond is as strong as ever.
I found once I had recovered I wanted to find out as much as possible and I did want to talk about my experience as it was so out of the blue for me. I needed to understand what had happened and why the illness gave me such extreme thoughts. I found it very reassuring to read other very similar accounts especially the delusions of grandeur and religiosity.
Back then 1988 there was nothing like this forum and I just had to read as much as I could and gather information.
When I eventually got to a baby weigh in, 4 months later, I sat next to a lady who seemed lovely and she asked why she hadn’t seen me before so I thought I would tell her where I had been. She became a wonderful friend to this day and invited me for a coffee and then introduced me to a local mum and baby group which was all part of my journey back to life!
I have shared my story with women’s groups and it has always been a blessing especially when someone knows of PP and feels they can talk about it and often women who suffer post natal depression find they want to share their experience.
Where I lived in Wiltshire I was able to visit mums currently suffering from pp and they all said the same thing, to be able to speak freely to someone who has ‘been there’.
I think for me it’s a case of knowing when and where to share my story. Raising awareness of PP I think is a great thing.
I’d put the question back to you - how safe do you feel in those relationships? Does it feel like a safe, compassionate place to talk about your feelings about it all. Even though you still feel shame (unjustified but even so, it is very common to feel this), even with that, do you imagine that you will get compassion and empathy? Perhaps with your school friends it might be with individuals rather than as a group as a whole.
Yes PPP is an important subject to talk about, but more important is feeling comfortable with what you are sharing. It is still very very fresh (not even a year!) and it might take time to open up
When I had PP, I told almost no one, because I was afraid. I was still working at the time, and the word psychosis is very much feared and misunderstood. I ended up resigning less than a year later because I could not keep up with such a stressful job. Later, I did tell people I was close to, and I told family, because I felt that was a health issue they ought to be aware of. I have four cousins who all have girls.
I’m now 20 years out from PP and I’ve told almost everyone. At this point in my life I find it helpful to share my experience with younger women and raise awareness for the issue. Your feelings about talking about it may change over time, and that’s ok!
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