Talking about PPP: I had PPP in... - Action on Postpar...

Action on Postpartum Psychosis

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Talking about PPP

WonderWomanUK profile image
8 Replies

I had PPP in November 2023 after the birth of my beautiful daughter. I was in a psychiatric ward for 10 days and MBU for 5 weeks. I still take a mood stabiliser but off antipsychotics and have been for a few months.

My closest friends and family know what happened, with my family being a great support.

I head back to work soon and am meeting up with school friends soon too. The question is - do I mention it?

On one hand, I feel like it needs to be spoken about as so many (myself and family included) haven’t heard of PPP and don’t understand the severity of it.

I did go through a tough time and will be a bit different because of it (my priority is myself and family and that is that). I also feel robbed of alot of time with my daughter, although only 8 days apart, I still “wasn’t myself” due to antipsychotic making me drowsy etc for a few months - I wish I had longer off with her to make up for it!

Part of me is still ashamed and embarrassed (sorry to say!) I know I wouldn’t feel that way if I was in hospital for 6 weeks for a physical injury! But actually I’ve overcome it and pretty proud of myself that I have!

On the other hand, is it anyone else’s business? Do they need to know?

Really curious on your views on this one!

PS I read these posts daily - thank you all for your honesty, supporting words and just being a great forum to come to!

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WonderWomanUK
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8 Replies
Ellacott_08 profile image
Ellacott_08Volunteer

Hi WonderWomanUk

Thank you for your post. I had pp 8 years ago after the birth of my son. It can be tricky explaining your experience for the first time. Firstly I'd say you don't owe anyone your story, I can imagine it's still quite raw for you as you had pp in November, you've got a lot going on at the moment with returning to work, so be mindful of what would help you in this period. Maybe have a response in mind for when/if people ask you how was your maternity leave was etc. It could be something quite general such as ' I wasn't very well after she was born' and then see where the conversation takes you.

I can very much relate to the guilt you're feeling about the time spent away from your daughter.

If it's any comfort I spent many weeks away from my son whilst recovering from pp, and 8 years on he has no recollection of this and our bond is as strong as ever.

Take care xx

HelenMW profile image
HelenMWVolunteer

hello Wonder Woman

I found once I had recovered I wanted to find out as much as possible and I did want to talk about my experience as it was so out of the blue for me. I needed to understand what had happened and why the illness gave me such extreme thoughts. I found it very reassuring to read other very similar accounts especially the delusions of grandeur and religiosity.

Back then 1988 there was nothing like this forum and I just had to read as much as I could and gather information.

When I eventually got to a baby weigh in, 4 months later, I sat next to a lady who seemed lovely and she asked why she hadn’t seen me before so I thought I would tell her where I had been. She became a wonderful friend to this day and invited me for a coffee and then introduced me to a local mum and baby group which was all part of my journey back to life!

I have shared my story with women’s groups and it has always been a blessing especially when someone knows of PP and feels they can talk about it and often women who suffer post natal depression find they want to share their experience.

Where I lived in Wiltshire I was able to visit mums currently suffering from pp and they all said the same thing, to be able to speak freely to someone who has ‘been there’.

I think for me it’s a case of knowing when and where to share my story. Raising awareness of PP I think is a great thing.

Warm wishes, Helen

MotherOfBears profile image
MotherOfBears

hi wonderwoman

I’d put the question back to you - how safe do you feel in those relationships? Does it feel like a safe, compassionate place to talk about your feelings about it all. Even though you still feel shame (unjustified but even so, it is very common to feel this), even with that, do you imagine that you will get compassion and empathy? Perhaps with your school friends it might be with individuals rather than as a group as a whole.

Yes PPP is an important subject to talk about, but more important is feeling comfortable with what you are sharing. It is still very very fresh (not even a year!) and it might take time to open up

MotherOfBears profile image
MotherOfBears in reply toMotherOfBears

PS you don’t need to be a crusader, look after your self for now and maybe in the future you might want to raise awareness

Survivedwithcolor profile image
Survivedwithcolor

When I had PP, I told almost no one, because I was afraid. I was still working at the time, and the word psychosis is very much feared and misunderstood. I ended up resigning less than a year later because I could not keep up with such a stressful job. Later, I did tell people I was close to, and I told family, because I felt that was a health issue they ought to be aware of. I have four cousins who all have girls.

I’m now 20 years out from PP and I’ve told almost everyone. At this point in my life I find it helpful to share my experience with younger women and raise awareness for the issue. Your feelings about talking about it may change over time, and that’s ok!

Antitodo profile image
Antitodo

Hi WonderWomanUK,

I understand your conundrum as I feel the same way. On one hand you want to increase awareness about the condition and reduce stigma, but on the other hand, because there is stigma and little knowledge about the condition, you know you might be judged harshly. It is tricky, and I myself have only told people close to me, those who I thought would understand and not judge.

I had PP in May 2023, and I wish there was no stigma, but there is. Do not think you singlehandedly will change perceptions of PP, and do take each case individually. You can share with some people and not others, and beware of office gossip. I decided not to share with work, as I didn't want their perception of me to change. In the end is about what you want to do and what is best for you individually, not what you think you ought to do.

The_Wes_Anderson_Fan profile image
The_Wes_Anderson_FanVolunteer

Hi WonderWomanUK

That is a great pseudonym!

I had PP 20 years ago. I don't think there should be any obligation to tell anyone, about any of your medical history.

When I was on the MBU, a lot of friends visited me, which I was happy about. I was impressed by how understanding and accepting everyone was.

However, over the years I have rarely told anyone who didn't know. If it's relevant and the moment is right and maybe they are talking about mental health struggles, then I may mention it.

I feel like I have to have known the person a long time and trust they can handle being told. It's quite a big deal to tell people that you have been an inpatient on a psychiatric ward.

I've worked for my current employers for 8 years and I haven't told them. You need to feel comfortable about how the information will be received.

I would advise caution, I think some of my closest friends have found it difficult to hear.

Good luck Xx

SaffFree profile image
SaffFreeVolunteer

Hi WonderWomanUK so glad you are well and that you got good support when you had PP.

I had PP last August 9 weeks after the birth of my 2nd daughter. It took my completely by surprise as it came out of the blue, and within 3 days, having had no mental health issues before, I was under section in an acute ward with no clue what was happening to me.

I know what you mean about feeling shame. I will always wonder why it happened and I’m curious to know more about PP. It is a very complex and scary thing to go through, and there are so many emotions around it.

You should feel proud of yourself for making it through that terrifying experience!

I have found talking about it with friends, family and colleagues part of the healing process. Quite a few people have thanked me for telling them about it so they are more aware of mental health issues around pregnancy and birth, and if they are thinking of having children too. You will get a sense for who wants to hear about it and who to talk to. You only have to share as much as your are comfortable with.

This forum is great, and the cafe meet ups are a brilliant opportunity to meet with other PP survivors. Hearing other people’s experiences helped me feel I’m are not alone, and that there is no shame in having PP. We cannot control what happened, but we can raise awareness and speak our truth.

I too had 8 days apart from my daughter. My husband did visit me with her in the acute ward, but it was a very surreal thing to be having psychotic symptoms while trying to be “normal” with your newborn, and perinatal mental health team present! I’m sure you did the best you could with your little one at the time. Don’t be too hard on yourself. Just enjoy your time with her now.

Wishing you all the best 🙂

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