Dreams about PPP

Hi everyone, I just woke up this morning after experiencing disturbing dreams about psychosis. Has anyone experienced strange dreams about their experience? I’m sure it’s common but wanted to know other people’s experiences.

I only experienced PPP last August, so fully expect these dreams won’t go away yet. I’ve had a few since and they are always dreams within dreams, like feeling trapped and around people that I can’t trust. Then suddenly realising within the dream I’m experience PPP, and trying to wake up out of it. That is how I felt at the time when I was in the acute ward, trapped and paranoid, so I guess dreams are replicating this feeling.

I can finally wake from the dream within the dream, but it’s a bit of a panic, like trying to wake my husband up, then realising I’m still trapped in the dream! Only to finally wake up for real. It’s not affecting my sleep too much, just not nice when these dreams hit. On one occasion, it felt like something hit my body, I woke up for real, then proceeded to have dreams about PPP. Another time, I woke in bed but was still dreaming, panicking to wake up and my body was trembling in the dream! Then I woke up properly. The dreams feel very scary and real, but I think it’s just the way I’m processing it.

Thank for any replies and sharing any experiences, or advice to get over these 😊

[Maria_at_APP Moderator]

Hi SaffaFree, welcome to the forum, congratulations on your baby, and I am really sorry you experienced pp, it's such a traumatic illness.

I had pp a few years ago in 2018, after my daughter was born. I was in a general psychiatric ward for 10 days before transfering to a MBU where I stayed for 2 and half months more. I remember fragments when I was at the peak of my illness in the general ward, it was a very frightening place for me at the time, and too much for my confused brain.

A few months after I was discharged I was still experiencing some nightmares as you so vividly described. Mine were around being very manic again, which was a source of anxiety for me as I had some manic/psychotic episodes at home before being admitted. They were distressing, even though I was able to go back to sleep thanks to the medication.

Are you seeing a therapist at the moment? I wonder if this is something you would like to raise with your perinatal team, and ask for additional support as it sounds very distressing. Perhaps trauma therapy may be an option to explore? There is help out there, do not feel you just have to endure it.

Take very good care, do let us know how you get on,

Maria

[Hidden in reply to Maria_at_APP]

Thank you Maria. My little one is now 10 months now, and loving life!! So lovely to see her grow and develop, especially interacting with her big sister 🥰

Thanks for sharing about your PPP experience. I resonate with how you felt in the acute ward, such a confusing and disorienting thing to go through. I felt a loss of sense of self with PPP. So happy to have me back.

I was signed off from the Perinatal team in January, but I’m on the waiting list for talking therapy with the Gloucestershire Recovery in Psychosis team (GRIP). I definitely think therapy is the way to process the traumatic experience of being in the acute ward. I’m doing really well now, and recovered from the initial episode quickly with good support. Also, getting back into exercise has been my main way of helping myself recover. I still have a lot of processing to do but I think it’s a lifelong process, and it’s an experience I will always think about. It was one of the most challenging things I’ve experienced alongside becoming a mum of 2. Subconsciously, there is still a lot to unpack, so talking therapy will be great for that. However, I do actually feel stronger and more confident after PPP because now I think if I can get through that, I can get through anything that’s hard in life!

I get peer support from GRIP once a month now, initially it was weekly. They are great and luckily I’ll get their support for 3 years if I need it. I’ll chat to them about trauma therapy and look into it. Thanks for the suggestions.

[Maria_at_APP Moderator in reply to Hidden]

Hello SaffaFree, it sounds like you have some very good therapeutic avenues in place already and that is very reassuring. Its great that you are with the recovery in psychosis team at the moment and that you can have their support for the next 3 years if you need to. When recovering from psychosis I also found therapy so crucial, and I hope the wait list is not very long for you.

It is true that this experience stays with you, but with time and some processing you will hopefully think less often about it, and the nightmares will be less and less. Its inspiring to read how you are reframing it into something positive already, something that has made you stronger, there is a lot of bravery in that.

Take very good care, all the best in the future

Maria

[Rainbow9725]

Hi Saffafree,

I don't have nightmares specifically about PPP however I do have some very bizarre dreams. I'm not sure where they stem from or the reason I'm getting them. I'm unsure whether I got them closer to the time I suffered with PPP. I do however get flash back from what I went through and struggle to comprehend how my brain could send me to such a dark place.

As your episode was quite recent, I would say these are possibly triggered by the trauma you went through, it is hard for any person to cope with. I hope these nightmares calm down for you with time and you're able to sleep more peacefully.

N x

[Hidden in reply to Rainbow9725]

Thank you, it was a very recent experience so fully expect they will come and go. Also around times of high stress or anxiety. It is so strange isn’t it to understand how it happens and how dark it was to be in that altered state of reality. The best thing is talking about it and it’s reassuring to hear other people’s similar experiences. Thanks for sharing with me x

[Isabella5991]

Hello my dear, I’m sorry to hear about your horrible dreams feeling trapped in a mentally ill mind. The same happened to me a couple years post pp. I’m sure it’s quite common and perhaps some ptsd as what we went through is extremely traumatic for most of us I’m sure. Reach out to your doctor if it continues perhaps xx Have you had much therapy since being out of the ward? Xx

[Hidden in reply to Isabella5991]

Yes, your right, it is likely PTSD as it is a traumatic experience. I'm on the wait list for talking therapies with the NHS Gloucestershire Recovery in Psychosis team here, so hopefully I get to do that soon. I'm doing really well and haven't had any dreams lately, so that's good. I think the more I talk about it, and the more open I am, the more processing I'm doing in my subconscious. Thanks for your comment ☺️ xx

[Survivedwithcolor]

Hello from the US and I’m happy to hear your baby is doing so well! PP is just a rough time for any mom and knowing your baby is well despite your troubles is very reassuring.

I have always heard that dreams are our natural way of processing things. I have always carried a lot of anxiety and this is frequently expressed in my dreams in different ways. Usually they manifest themselves as dreams where I’m expected to do something and am totally unprepared; for example, I am a pianist, and I often dream that I’m supposed to play a concert in a couple hours but I don’t know the music. Or I open the piano and there are no black keys. Something like that. I had PP over 20 years ago, and I do still dream of that too. I dream that I can’t get rid of the hallucinations, or that I’m still seeing them everywhere I go, or people tell me that they can’t work with me or can’t help me because I’m mentally ill. That actually did happen to me, and I guess those memories still pop up in dreams.

I have PP dreams only occasionally now but it was more frequent in the early years. I took many medications over the years to combat psychosis, bipolar disorder, accompanying depression, anxiety, and other medications to combat the side effects from the first medications. I remember there was at least one medication that caused me to have extremely vivid dreams, to the point that I would wake up hitting at the air and even hit my husband a few times - which he did not appreciate! Unfortunately I don’t remember which med that was, but I mention it because I wonder if you’re taking anything still or may have some residual effects from something you did take? Meds can cause all kinds of weird things. If it’s causing you to lose sleep or feel traumatized during the day, that’s when you’d want to speak to your doctor. I’m amazed to hear about your access to the GRIP group. We don’t have access to anything like that in the US. You’re fortunate to have those resources for women.

Good luck to you and I can confidently tell you that time will make all of this better. 😊

[Hidden in reply to Survivedwithcolor]

Thank you for sharing about your experience with PP and subsequent dreams. I'm not currently on any medication, and wanted to taper off it as quickly and safely as possible to avoid any side affects like you mention! I'm doing really well, so hopefully the more I talk openly about it, the more I process my experience. Also, I think it's great we can all share our experiences with who we feel compfortable to share with so that awarness of the condition increases. Hopefully in time, more support develops all over the world and where you are for other women in the US. Thanks for your comment, its reassuring to hear other similar experiences with PP 😊