I had PP after l gave birth and years after when l had a miscarriage .I wasn’t diagnosed and l tried to hide it as l was afraid l would be separated from my child. I had my mum and husband with me; l know they were concerned about me as they hid the paracetamol and knives on top of the cupboards.
They don’t see any point in going back over it but still to this day l try to figure out what happened to me and l read about others symptoms; listening to blaring music, worried their husband would hurt them and not sleeping for days.
When l got PP the second time, l had flash backs to previous trauma in my childhood and got it mixed up with the current day. As l am look at all this, l see some crossovers with bipolar symptoms , also with my immediate family . I am on Sertraline and this keeps me on one level but l can experience highs and lows internally and am mindful of this.
I am wondering about any links between PP and bipolar and whether anyone has experienced this? Also if l have bipolar, is it important to know this or just accept it as l am past child bearing age now.
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Catherine657
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Welcome to the APP forum, I am so glad you have been able to bravely share here, you will find other brave, empathetic mums here kindly willing to share their lived experiences. I am so sorry that you suffered with Postpartum Psychosis it is such a shock and trauma isn’t it. I am also sorry you had to endure a distressing miscarriage. My daughter also had PP after the birth of her first baby, she is well now and has not had a diagnosis of bipolar. Not everyone who has PP necessarily has bipolar, though they do sometimes seem to come together, perhaps it may be a good idea, if you are worried, to have an assessment. I am sure that PP leaves you unsure, in mourning for lost time and with lots of questions. I wonder if you have had any counselling, I know that my daughter found it helpful, also I hope you have been able to access the APP Insider Guides on the website, lots of information there. I am glad that you have a supportive partner and mother, it is important, I think, to surround yourself with kind, supportive family and friends in whom you can confide. In your anxiety, and traumatic flashbacks, I hope that you can find a way to relax, set your mind to something else, maybe to do your favourite things. Fresh air and exercise, if you are able, can be of real benefit. Sometimes when on medication for depression or anxiety or just the anxiety itself, I think it can be hard to motivate yourself, I find it helpful to think I will do something for five minutes then before you know it an hour can have gone by. Of course I do know that all this is easier said than done.
Anxiety is an awful thing, maybe consult your doctor at least it may set your mind at ease. I hope this has helped in some way. Do write here anytime if it helps. Take care of yourself, thinking of you and wishing you well.
Thank you for sharing your experience with us, I hope you're ok? I know it can feel a big step for some people writing and sharing their experience. My name is Rachel, and I'm part of APP's Peer Support team - I'm glad you've written here.
I also, like you, had Postpartum Psychosis - so I do understand your feelings of trying to figure out what happened. I think that is really common for many people who have experienced such an illness, as it is very traumatic. I am so sorry that you felt that you had to hide what you were experiencing. And I'm also sorry that perhaps you didn't get the help that would have been of benefit to you. Again, I think some people on the forum will be able to relate to that feeling of being so unwell and not wanting to "let" people understand what was happening for them, out of fear like you describe. I know for me, I was so obviously poorly with symptoms of PP there was no hiding it. By the sounds of it, your family were concerned about you too - and wanted to try to help keep you safe which is good.
Did you access help from a Mother and Baby Unit at all? Or support from a mental health team (nine years ago they most likely wouldn't have been called a Perinatal Mental Health Team, but they would be today).
I'm really sorry that you have experienced childhood trauma also, if you don't mind be sending you a virtual hug - as over the years it sounds like perhaps you've faced a lot - perhaps that's felt isolating at times? Especially maybe if you feel that your family don't want to go over things that have happened in the past? I wonder if writing things down, might be helpful. I know that at times speaking with our loved ones can be hard - as they experienced a tough time too seeing us unwell - so sometimes taking our time, writing down how we feel in a considered way can be helpful to then share with your loved ones?
I wonder if you have considered visiting your doctor at all? I mention that as they, I'm sure, would want to support you and could perhaps refer you to someone who might be able to provide counselling for you? The flashbacks that you describe too, would be good to talk with a health professional about too, I'm really sorry to hear you're experiencing that - I know how unsettling that might feel.
Counselling can give a safe space to talk through all that you would like to with a trained professional. It's a really useful thing, but of course it has to be at the right time for you. It was a few years after my PP, that I did access a counsellor. Frankly, for the first several sessions I just cried and cried. It felt like a lot to unravel, but looking back now - having that space to talk through what had happened and reflect on how far I'd come - talk about the Mummy I had wanted to be - the Mummy I am - was really very supportive and in turn healing. I wonder if that be something you could discuss with your doctor maybe?
In terms of your bipolar diagnosis, I wonder if you've accessed Bipolar UK before? They provide information and support to people with bipolar diagnosis - so it might be worth taking a look at their website and then also perhaps going to see your GP to discuss your recent experiences with them too? bipolaruk.org/
I think asking if your bipolar is relevant is a great question. I think having had PP, that any mental health discussion is always relevant - and that you're absolutely right to feel that perhaps talking things through would be helpful. We know that some people who experience PP can then go on to have a diagnosis of bipolar - equally people who have bipolar prior to children are more at risk of developing PP. Accessing the right medical support and developing a plan is really important to support women throughout their lives. Having been so acutely unwell, knowing the importance of looking after ourselves feels all the more important - I know if does for me.
l think that l mistrusted the hospital team, following mistakes made during the birth and the lack of physical care after. My husband felt the same and advised me against talking to the psychiatric team that spoke to me at the hospital. It was easy to pretend l only had sleep deprivation to them as they would have been taken aback by my physical appearance (l was unwashed, struggling to walk and carrying a bedpan due to incontinence).
I am trying to follow up on these medical issues with the doctor but l did go to the gp after and went online with talk therapy but l found it like talking to a bot. I am going to try again and maybe find a charity where l can talk face to face.
Catherine657, I’m really sorry to hear that you didn’t feel you could trust your medical team, that’s really hard.
Action on Postpartum Psychosis do facilitate peer support, you can read more about it on the website here app-network.org/get-help/pe...
It doesn’t matter how long ago a person’s experience of Postpartum Psychosis was, APP the charity is here to help and support so do get in touch if you think it might be helpful to chat with someone. We can provide one to one peer support over email / messaging, and cafe groups too both online and some face to face.
Not everyone who gets PP is bipolar, but it is a major risk factor. Many of us on this forum do struggle with it. Bipolar disorder is usually a lifelong disorder. Many women don't know they have it until they are in the postpartum period and start to struggle greatly. I personally always knew I had regular episodes of depression but never recognized it as bipolar until after I had PP. I still have it and I still take some medication to help control it. Does it bother you? Perhaps you could find someone to speak to, who has a background in mental health and could give you their opinion. Medications for bipolar illness are very commonly prescribed. I have few to no side effects from the ones I take. (2) If you're living your life happily and it's causing you no issues, there isn't any reason you have to take medication. It's a personal decision, one you might discuss with your family.
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