I had pp 4 years ago and am bipolar 1 amongst many other illnesses. Olanzapine and sertraline working really well with a recent switch after many failed medication changes.
anyway, I am wondering, have any of you that had pp/ bipolar also experienced or been diagnosed with dissociative identity disorder? I know it’s fairly common to dissociate with just bipolar. But during periods when I’ve been really unwell, I have felt the presence of another person inside of me, she told me her name, I could feel her emotions, she was very evil and would tell me to do evil things (that I didn’t do) I also heard voices on the outside. My psychosis was very deep, long and I was showed a whole story amongst it. Very traumatic as you know having experienced it too. I also have complete blackouts of periods of time during the illness, especially when psychotic I don’t remember which rooms or where I was during etc.
my grandma had DID and I wonder if I have traits of it. I have dissociated since I was a child but not to these extremes. And I’ve only it had it this extreme during illness periods. Before recently changing to olanzapine I would be getting really bad periods of de realisation to the point I couldn’t drive for weeks.
Has anyone else experienced this alongside psychosis or bipolar?
Thanks xx
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I'm sorry that you've been having challenges before changing your medication. I am really glad to hear that you're finding Olanzapine and sertraline are working really well. Well done for writing to ask about dissociative identity disorder. I haven't experienced that myself, but I am hopeful that others reading may well have some insight and support to share with you.
I know that the charity Mind has some really useful information and suggestions of self care tools that might help. I wonder if you'd taken a look before at their website here: mind.org.uk/information-sup...
Mind suggest journaling and art which might help in remembering different parts of your experience. I can imagine not remembering periods of time to be very unsettling - I know it was for me whilst experiencing and recovering from PP. Journaling I found really helpful - as I did drawing - even if I couldn't sometimes make sense of it. I helped fill in time gaps - if not knowledge gaps. Everyone is different of course, so it might be trial and error with suggestions.
Do you have support of your mental health team or GP currently? Perhaps it might also be worth mentioning your memory. Trauma, in my experience, has a big part to play in my memory - talking with my counsellor was very useful to look through things, talk, cry - but in a safe and supportive place of course.
I'm really sorry to hear of all that you've experienced over the past few years - but I'm really glad you're here amongst a wonderful group of people who really do understand. I hope you have some useful replies over the coming days - which might help you further. I noticed that you'd replied to other people's posts to support them too - that's just BRILLIANT and I know that it'll mean so much.
I was diagnosed with bipolar 2 during the time I had PP which was 20 years ago. During the time I was "really unwell", to use your language, I was hearing internal voices, which I came to interpret as different people speaking to me. I did write about my suspicions that those people were different facets of myself, different identities; my psychologist seemed to support that; yet I must say that no one who saw me during that time had truly identified me as having PP and they really didn't know what they were looking at. I was experiencing psychosis during that time. After I was treated with antipsychotics, I never again experienced the feeling that I had different identities, although I did have many instances of hearing intrusive thoughts which I interpreted as voices in my head. Many of those times were accompanied by extreme stress and medication changes.
I have come to believe that all of those voices, alternate identities, intrusive thoughts, hallucinations, delusions, and the like were things that happened while I was struggling with PP, the medications I was given, and the recovery in subsequent years. I more recently quit taking antipsychotics and have none of those symptoms remaining. That would not be true for someone with an accurate diagnosis of those disorders. That's my perception alone; I'm not a mental health professional.
I copied this website for you from the Mayo Clinic which is a very well known, research based and reputable source of medical information here in the US and worldwide. It seems to say that a case of DID often comes from a severe trauma, often in childhood, as a way to escape from those horrible experiences. The symptoms do not seem to include things like delusions and hallucinations such that we commonly think of as psychosis. Have you discussed these ideas with your provider? Undoubtedly they know your history and will be a better judge.
In the end, the "diagnosis" really is only a tool to help doctors and mental health professionals decide how best to treat you and help you get back to being a functioning person and member of society. If you did experience severe trauma, your providers will want to know that in order to help you process and heal. The label really does not matter; what matters is your wellness and getting the care you need to be the person you wish to be.
As Rachel also mentioned, one thing I did during that time was to write profusely and try to draw pictures of what I was experiencing. It wasn't fantastic art but the product was not important. It was a way to cope, and it also helped explain to my providers what I was seeing and thinking and feeling. You might try something like that, or something else expressive like music, crafts, dance, to let your mind try to explore and try to make sense of what you are experiencing. Hope that might be helpful to you.
Thank you for your reply! It seems like we had a very similar experience and mine was also only during illness or medication changes. When I next see my psychiatrist I will ask again about it, thanks xx
It would be interesting to hear what your provider has to say. I don’t know about you but I did not have childhood trauma and I don’t think DID was ever accurate; I think it was just kind of a crazy part of PP that we couldn’t truly define. When your brain is psychotic many things seem real that aren’t, don’t they? It’s a wild, unreal thing that happened to us. The good news is that it’s temporary. There were many days I didn’t think I’d ever be well again but here I am - quite well.
I agree with you! I did have quite a bit of childhood trauma and have a lot of mental health issues because of it. My grandma had DID so perhaps some genetic link as well, or could I have carried her trauma? Who knows. She had very traumatic childhood. I agree psychosis does make you believe things aren’t true, could it be some extension of that xx
I’m very sorry to hear about the trauma you had, and your grandmother. That’s a rough thing to go through and something to deal with the rest of an adult’s life. I think of those poor children in the war torn areas also. I don’t know how anyone could recover from that. But you’re here, you’re getting help and you’re strong. We are already survivors. Hugs to you and a lovely cup of tea from across the ocean. 😊☕️xx
I didn't have dissociation with my PP episode 15yrs ago, but it was a key player in my recent episode at the end of last year. I had dissociative fugue episodes, where I would 'come to' in various (usually unsafe) locations, with no idea of how I got there. I also had up to 13 voices in my head. I haven't been diagnosed with DID in particular, but they have put down some of these symptoms as due to dissociation, and overall diagnosed me with cPTSD and Borderline Personality Disorder.
I'm sorry to hear how scary your voice was during dissociation; that must have been awful for you. For the most part, all my voices were either nice or neutral. I only had a couple that would tell me to do unsafe or hurtful things. I didn't feel like they were a part of me, though, but separate people altogether, so maybe that is not the same as DID at all.
I'm still learning about all these things and this forum is a good place to compare notes and not feel alone, so thank you for sharing.
Sammy thank you so much for your reply and bravely sharing that with me! It’s reassuring to know I’m not the only one who experienced these kind of things.
Ending up in scary places must have been really frightening and confusing for you. And wow 13 voices is a lot, bless you. I’m glad they were mostly ok. I believe I only had one other, it was the same woman, perhaps two when I’d hear a person shouting at me from the outside as well as the inside.
Gosh aren’t our brains very complex. I do believe I fit maybe P-DID and I think maybe BPD, like you, especially when younger as had several suicide attempts before the age of 16 and an obsession with harming my self and emotional instability. But I haven’t asked my psychiatrist further for their opinion. It can be hard getting several mental health diagnosis! I already have a long list. Probably don’t need anymore! Xx
When I had my recent episode with many voices etc I was put in inpatient psych ward for 5 weeks as I was actively in psychosis, and have been on antipschotics, mood stabiliser and a benzo since and am now with the Community Mental Health team. Yes, it sucks.
Have you had a good response to your medication? I'm on an antipsychotic called Haloperidol and it's given me chronic fatigue syndrome, then numbness in my legs and arms and horrendous insomnia. Have you found it okay to tolerate your antipsychotic?
Oh I can relate to the side effects for sure. I've been incredibly tired - I sleep like a log for 12 hours a night (but I suspect it's not the good restful kind of sleep as I have crazy dreams!) and have trouble waking up, then I'm still so tired during the day. I think the tiredness is getting a little better now I'm able to exercise a bit. I've put on a lot of weight with my meds too, which is a known side effect; but it's hard to exercise if you're so tired. The other side effects I'm not sure if are due to the meds, or due to my brain still recovering from the episode. I'm not allowed to drive either which is really frustrating as I live remotely.
Also, JosephineFay, I just read your bio and it seems we have much in common. My PP episode was 15 years ago and wasn't called PP at the time. I've continued to have poor mental health which has got worse over time. It's good to connect with you, even if it's due to our shared non-brilliant circumstances! I hope, like me, you are still able to spot little sparkles of hope and joy each day? For me, things like my pets, nature, baking and of course my kids (sometimes, lol!) brighten things up for me. Sammy xx
Hi Sammy, I'm glad that you are able to sleep 12 hours on your meds. I only get 4 hours a night and that and the heavy sedation of the medicines makes me feel constantly exhausted.
I'm so glad that we've got lots in common. I really need this as I also live in a remote location and find the isolation really difficult to bare.
I had my first full blown psychotic episodes when my son was 2 years old he's now 20.
My meds are awful and I can't function well on them at all. I have a private number who is trying to help me to wean off the meds but its proving very difficult due to withdrawal.
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