Trying to recover from depersonalization/Postpartum psychosis

[Greenyfly]

has anyone else had a bad symptom of depersonalisation when they have had pp psychosis. How long did it last? How did u manage it? Any comments, info or advice would be appreciated struggling a lot right now

[Jenny_at_APP Partner]

Hello Greenfly,

Welcome to the forum. I'm so sorry you've experienced PP and are struggling with symptoms of depersonalization.

I didn't experience this as a symptom myself but I'm sure others will reply. I thought it might be helpful to point to a couple of previous posts on this topic too in the meantime - hopefully you'll find it helpful to read through those if you'd like to, and find it reassuring to know you're not alone.

healthunlocked.com/app-netw...

healthunlocked.com/app-netw...

How recent was your PP? It's such an awful thing to go through but you really can get through this. There is a 'Recovery after postpartum psychosis' insider guide on the APP website that you might find helpful to have a look at (app-network.org/postpartum-..., and know there is a whole community here who understand and are here to listen.

Are you getting support from a perinatal mental health team? Do try to be as open as you can about how you are feeling with the teams supporting you, and those around you. As I say, you're not alone and I'm glad you've reached out here.

Sending very best wishes,

Jenny x

[x_Amy Volunteer]

Hi Greenyfly,

I am sorry to hear that you are struggling right now 💗 please keep in mind that these unpleasant symptoms will pass.

I experienced depersonalisation/derealisation for the first year after recovering from PP. It was really distressing and I couldn’t describe it very well to those around me. My MH nurse figured out was what happening for me very quickly and we worked on some really simple grounding techniques such as:

Progressive muscle relaxation. If you type it into YouTube, there’s lot of different guides for this so I am sure you will find one that suits you

Holding/rubbing smooth stones, rocks or shells between your fingers, or gently press a smooth pebble into the palm of your hand. This really helped me feel more connected to my body when I was dissociating/having DPDR symptoms.

The other grounding technique I liked is commonly used for anxiety disorders. You “take inventory” of what’s around you by writing down five things you can see, hear, and feel. You can make this as detailed as you like. I’d often make a cup of tea, and talk myself through exactly what I was doing - it was another simple way of feeling more connected with where I was.

The final piece of advice I remember being given, was giving myself a mantra of “I am safe, and this will pass”. Once I had got used to saying this out loud, I naturally found myself it saying it each time I felt the symptoms coming on. All of these things may take some practice and a bit of experimentation, but I hope you find something that works for you. Please do keep in touch.

Best wishes, Amy xx

[Survivedwithcolor]

I love Amy’s reply to this below about using sensory stimulus. I experienced depersonalization also and did not know who I was; did not have a good sense of time or reality and I felt like I was sometimes being talked to by different people in my mind.

The reason my name on this site is “Survived with color” is that drawing and painting was the sensory thing I did to get myself through. None of my art work was amazing or talented but somehow, color was the one thing I felt really connected me with reality. I had a colored pencil set and some watercolors, and when things just got overwhelming I spent many hours drawing and painting the things that were appearing in my mind, including the things I was seeing and fearing. I have since showed these drawings to some of my providers and they’ve found them fascinating. They are not great art, but it was a form of expression I was able to connect with at that time.

I also play the piano (and have since I was a child), and to this day I feel that the music and just the act of playing and listening connects me and grounds me to good mental health in a way that few other things do. Again I am in no way amazingly talented but I do play well enough that I can enjoy it without it being frustrating. Perhaps you have a hobby you can connect with in this way, particularly something that uses your hands that you have to think about so it will take you out of your mind.

Knitting, crochet, embroidery, wool felting, drawing or painting, adult coloring books, even paint by number or diamond painting is fun if you don’t enjoy creating your own designs. Music is great, and if you have some ability maybe now is the time to take it back up. Gardening is also great, making cards, reading to kids or the elderly, woodworking, the possibilities are endless. Hugs to you and DONT WORRY about how good your handiwork is, the point is DOING it.

[Pikorua Volunteer in reply to Survivedwithcolor]

Hello dearest SurvivedwithColor, so beautifully written. I resonate and love your explanations of therapeutic hands on ideas...I became an artist working through all the trauma and pain. If not exhibiting I slept on my canvases, - they were under my bed.I guess not very good in the light of feng shui Eventually I cleared my bed room and painted it all white. I find painting/decorating very satisfying when mind racing, too.

Take care x

[Maria_at_APP Moderator]

Hello Greenyfly, I am sorry you had postpartum psychosis and are struggling with depersonalisation. It is such a traumatic illness.

I had pp in 2018 after the birth of my daughter and also experienced depersonalisation. It came and went for me, there were times where I did not felt my memories as my own or I could not answer what were my thoughts a couple of hours before because it felt as if they belonged to someone else. It was very upsetting and caused me great anxiety.

There are so many great ideas that the mums in this thread have shared already. I found music also incredibly healing and grounding. When I put on my headphones and closed my eyes I felt back to myself for a moment, and slowly those moments started to become longer and more frequent.

I am hoping your symptoms start reducing soon, we are here if there is anything you want to share or ask,

Maria

[Pikorua Volunteer]

Hello Greenyfly,

I am more familiar with the word di-association. I am not sure whether I am in tune with the definition de-personalisation "a state in which one thoughts and feelings seem unreal or not to belong to oneself".

I believe recovery is such a personal journey. Digesting what has happened and feeling lost in a maze. I was there for many years. Many women on this forum are so desperate to get back to who they were, longing for their previous identity.

In my opinion lived experiences help us to grow at all levels. Understanding that the past is the past and that regrets, one of many attachments won't help to find the path of purpose. We scaffold and start to bloom again differently when in acceptance and in tune with who we have become, hence why the present moment matters most.

Whilst unfolding the old me I painted, Insomnia was my friend and I suffered many years in silence. I was awake at night for 8 years with 3/4 hrs sleep. I di-associated often, because of sleep deprivation.

Yes, I changed into somebody else and it was not my fault. I was so fortunate that my partner stayed with me, and accepted a different kind of flower. The adventurous and fearless person teaching Pedagogy and Research said farewell when Psychosis kicked in and the trauma in this dreadful Psychiatric hospital begun. My brain shut off for a long time.

De-personalisation in my opinion and with my pragmatic viewpoint is only happening, because we experienced a traumatic illness. I was re-born after PPP and a survivor like so many wonderful ladies on this forum.

I am happy and content-find your path and feel passion about life, the things (often little moments/activities) which put a smile on your face, happy to learn in stepping stones and allowing yourself to become again and to say no to expectations and comparatives.

I learn therapeutic modalities, practice reiki, art and yoga, gardening etc...

Much love and kindness,

xxx

[SammySeal]

Trigger warning for readers.

Hi Greenfly

So sorry to hear you're having a hard time with depersonalisation after your PP. You've come to the right place for support though, so welcome.

I had PP 15 years ago, and at the time, depersonalisation wasn't something I suffered with.

However, I have had a recent bout of mental ill health which saw me in hospital for over a month, though I am home and recovering now. With this latest episode, dissociation, including depersonalisation has been a big symptom for me. Now I know more about it, I see I have dissociated since a child, but actual depersonalisation, where I feel my thoughts or actions are not my own, was a new one for me.

My depersonalisation episodes involved me hearing voices that were not my own and feeling as if I had been taken over by someone else. Unfortunately the police got involved as my voices were telling me to harm my partner, and even though I never followed through, I admitted this to professionals, so they had to tell the police. I have very little memory of this time.

In terms of managing it, I haven't had further depersonalization episodes since my hospital visit, so I would say that the various medication I am on is managing it, though I do still suffer from dissociative episodes. I'm not sure how I manage them as I don't know when it's happening!

Hope that helps a bit, but do keep in touch.

Sammy x