May I ask what people's age gaps are with their children?
By the time I am able to have another (I want to be off medication first) the gap will be at least four years! I'm so scared my little ones won't be close because of the big age gap.
I've previously tried to come off medication and unfortunately I wasn't able to sleep and panicked and went back on as I was worried I'd get psychosis again.
Thank you
Take care x
We had a 7-year gap between our two daughters. Back then we were told the chances of a reoccurrence after baby 1 was a million to one, so the delay was more a personal choice. Our daughters got on really well - and still do. There's no competitiveness between them. We weren't under any pressure to treat them both the same - just as well as they have different personalities. From our point of view, a gap had more pro's than con's.
That's absolutely amazing news and also great news that the chances were a million to one - I've been told I have a 50% chance of reoccurrence despite having no previous mental health illness that I'm aware of.
Thank you so much for sharing your experience. May I please ask if you became unwell with your second? Also did you struggle going back to the baby stage after so long?
So lovely to hear both your children get on well - that's so lovely ❤️
Take care x
Our eldest daughter is in her 40's. When we were considering a second child we were told a million to one because no-one knew any better. Since then APP research has revealed the 50-50 chance of recurrence and - indeed - my wife had another (much shorter) episode with number 2.
Oh I see - I imagine although that information was incorrect it probably meant your wife went into it not knowing how high the risk was and therefore I'd like to think she was able to relax more.
Sorry to hear your wife became unwell again but glad to hear it was a shorter episode. Did she go on medication as a preventative or once the episode had began?
Thank you x
Not to worry! My kids are almost five years apart and they couldn’t be closer. They adore each other and always have. What’s more, they were not in close competition with each other growing up so there was very little fighting. And when I had PP, my older daughter was independent enough to look after herself just a little. If she had been two or even three, I think it would’ve been so much harder.
Thank you so much for your reply. You've been so so helpful with all the questions I've asked, thank you for that.
That's amazing to hear they're close. You're so right in saying that it would be easier on you the fact your eldest was some what independent and able to do a few things for herself. It also great they weren't in competition, I have heard from people of children with a close age gap being in competition and fighting for the attention of their parents which can be challenging.
Take care x
My sister is two years younger than me and while we are close now, we fought constantly until we were teens. We both wanted the same things and neither of us was mature enough to be reasonable about it. My husband and his brother are 3.5 years apart and I’m told they got on very well. It also makes me think of a beautiful story I read in the New York Times a couple days ago about a big brother who took care of his little sister while she was terminally ill. He held her when she died and gave her the most loving care possible. 😭 They were five years apart. I don’t think you have anything to worry about there.
I agree with the other mom below that the MOST important thing is that you are as healthy as you can be, because that will help you to be the best mom you can be. My oldest did have some emotional issues growing up, I think partly because I was so unstable when she was young. She was always loved and cared for, but I was pretty emotionally absent. My younger daughter grew up very independent and self sustaining, and I think that’s partly personality and partly because she just had to adapt. YOU being well is the best possible gift you can give your children, your significant other, and yourself. So do what you need to do and what the doctors recommend is best.
I have heard children constantly clashing being close in age - it definitely happens - I'm imagine now that you would have so much in common. That's lovely to hear your husband was close to his sibling - I do find from personal experience Boys don't tend to fight like Girls but that's just in my experience and others may have different to say.
That story you read sounds so emotional 😢 so sorry for that Girl and her family - heartbreaking.
You're absolutely right and I never really thought about it until now but you're right that I need to be well. Going into it unprepared wouldn't be fair on my Son or the new Baby. X
Hi NMG1991
Apologies if I repeat other people’s experiences as I haven’t taken the time to read others replies. I just thought I would quickly share my experience.
Planning another pregnancy is exciting but also scary . If you have suffered previously with postpartum psychosis tut a second pregnancy comes with a lot of anxiety and unanswered questions.
I always wanted 3 children and imagined I would have them at maybe 3 year intervals I was devasted that I was still unwell and didn’t feel strong enough to have a second child. Those years of yearning but also knowing it was a risk I couldn’t allow at that time was so hard. Eventually I had our second child when the first was 7. I stayed well (depression/medication but no psychosis) and went on the have a 3rd child 3 years later.
Out of the theee I would say my eldest is equally close to the other two. My middle child is closer to her brother 7yrs her elder. And my youngest is probably closest to his elder brother too, 10 years his elder . The middle and last child with only 3 years between them are often clashing and falling out. Haha. In my experience personalities affect the bond more than age.
Please don’t try to rush coming of your meds as it’s not worth a setback. I do understand your desire to be med free. I had to accept that stating on meds was the best thing for me. However the consultants changed me onto the safest med available with the least risks.. I hope you are able to access good advice from an expert in the field of perinatal psychiatry
It’s all a balancing act but worth it in the end when your precious little one is born
Teresa x
Hi Teresa,
Thank you so much for taking the time to explain your personal circumstances. I completely understand you leaving the gap you did under the circumstances. I too am in the same predicament with the gap increasing day by day as I'm not quite ready to become pregnant. I'm not just worried about the new baby but also on how being well is important for my little one that has just turned two.
It's lovely to hear both your children are close to your eldest child given there is a 7 and 10years age gap - that is so lovely. Sorry to hear the youngest two clash - I imagine that's challenging to deal with when it happens 🙈.
That's amazing you stayed well with your second and third child. I can imagine the anxiety leading up to birth and after birth must be crippling wondering whether or not you'll be ok or whether you may repeat the nightmare you went through the first time around.
May I ask what meds they put you on that was safe in pregnancy, it's always nice to hear from someone who stayed on meds and went on to have more children on them. This may be something I would have to consider.
Thank you again for sharing, it's made me feel a lot better about a potentially large age gap.
Take care x
Hi NMG1991,
The age gap between my boys is just over 3.5 years. I think there are pros and cons whatever the age difference and don’t think a bigger gap means siblings won’t be close (or that a smaller gap necessarily means they will be!) 
It can be hard feeling like things perhaps might not be as we would choose, but I guess when it comes to family planning things often aren’t as planned for so many different reasons.
My boys get on well most of the time! It was nice to have an older one who could help out with his baby brother. Naturally he’s often the ‘annoying little brother’ and probably always will be but they’re pretty fond of each other really! Also thinking of people I know with more than two children, the oldest and youngest always seem very close, though it may be a different dynamic with siblings in between (speaking as a middle child 😉).
Best wishes,
Jenny x
Hi Jenny,
Thank you so much for your reply.
You're absolutely right that siblings are not necessarily close just because they're close in age. I completely appreciate that. It's strange you say about the oldest being closer to the younger one in a three - that's actually the case when it comes to my Partner and his Brothers. He's also the middle child.
Maybe more is to be said for personalities rather than age ❤️.
Take care x
Hi 👋 I have a 17 year age gap. They love each other and always being silly. Personally I don't let age gaps bother me. Children can bring things to each other at all kinds of different age gaps. The main thing is you do it when you feel ready 💜
Hi, thank you so much for your reply.
That's amazing they're still close. That's just proof that age isn't really relevent for closeness. You're absolutely right that I should do it when I'm ready and not before. I want to try and prevent becoming unwell again as it was the scariest thing I've experienced.
X
I say this alot, but stay confident in that you are now facing the known and not the unknown. You know what worked for you last time, so prevention will be there 💜
hi nmg1991
I have a 4 year age gap between my children , they are now 3 and 7 and they (mostly) get on well.
It took us a while to decide to have a second, hence the 4 year age gap.
It’s definitely a worrying time deciding what to do but whatever happens use this forum for support.
Take care
Rk
Hi Rk,
Thank you so much for your reply.
That's lovely to hear they get on well for the most part ☺️ I expect some sibling rivalry for sure 😄
May I ask if when you had your second you had psychosis or was it just with the first? Did you take any medication to prevent it from happening?
Thank you
N x
Hi
It was just the first that I had pp.
I opted to take a low dose of olanzapine after the birth of my second child as a preventative measure but did not become unwell so was off it by 11 weeks .
I saw the perinatal team before I got pregnant for pre conception counselling to discuss what would happen if I did get pregnant again. Maybe this is something you can see if your local area does?
Take care
RK
Hi,
Thank you for your response.
Sorry to hear you had pp with your first, it's such a scary thing to go through. So glad to hear with your second things were different and you had the right support in place.
I think there is a perinatal team in the area, I believe I've had them mentioned to me before - I'll definitely try and get a referral to them before I go ahead with planning another Baby.
How did you find coming off medication and how did you do it? I've been on it for two years and want to be off but am petrified of becoming ill again.
Thank you
N x
Hi
I came off medication very slowly, dropping the dosage every 3 months with advice from my doctors, so it was about 15 months after going on it that I came off it. Definitely something to get advice from a medical professional.
I went to my gp to get referred fr the prenatal counselling so maybe that could be something you could do
Thanks
Rk
hello NMG,
The gap between my first and second daughters is 8 years. Psychosis happened with my first birth in 1988 and I made a lot of plans for the second and third baby. 1996 and 1999. No psychosis on these two occasions.
What I wanted to share was that when I came home with baby number 2 my daughter Alice was absolutely wonderful and extremely helpful! I think her baby sister was like a real live doll! I went on to have another daughter in 1999 and then both girls were great with the baby.
We all just celebrated Christmas together and had a lovely day.
Hope this is encouraging.
Helen x
Hi Helen
Thank you so much for your reply.
That's so lovely to hear you were able to go on and have two more children with no psychosis and that they're all close ❤️. I imagine having the help from the oldest was so lovely as we all need a bit of help and encouragement at the beginning.
May I ask if you went on medication to prevent psychosis? I'm so worried about getting ill again.
Thank you
N x
Hi NMG1991
Really glad that you've already had replies from so many lovely families - and I hope these have been reassuring that all sorts of age gaps work out. I think you're so right to identify that gut feeling for you of wanting to be well enough, and to be well-informed about options to reduce the risk of reoccurrence before you decide to try for another baby.
The APP community here is a great source of personal experiences of pregnancy after PP so do feel free to ask anything!
We have an APP guide to planning a pregnancy after PP with loads of information. Families who have experienced PP can also access preconception appointments with experts at Cardiff University Psychiatry Service with a referral from a GP or mental health team.
We have a 5-year gap between our two girls, now (almost) 13 and 18! I'm nine years older than my brother who I'm super-close to so felt OK about a bigger gap and to be honest we really weren't sure whether we would risk having another baby. I really understand how scared you can feel. A gap where our eldest was at school so I could rest more at home with baby was helpful for us - I did have a shorter relapse and struggled with depression in that first year, but had lots more support from health visitors, counselling services and a mental health OT to help rebuild a happy and fulfilling life. Knowing that mum was ill has been more part of our older daughter's story, but talking openly about mental health has helped her navigate her teens really well, and she's an empathic young person who knows where to advise her friends to seek help!
We're all here for you to chat, to listen and to encourage you to keep listening to your gut feelings with your partner.
I'll pop the links to APP information and preconception appointments in a DM as I've just lost 4G on my phone!
Hiya
The med I had whilst pregnant and breast feeding was amitriptilyne. The
care plan which we put into action was that as soon as my mood started to falter I would cease breastfeeding to enable myself to take more effective medication.
This was a good care plan for me as I had late start Postpartum Psychosis so it was decided I would quite possibly follow the same pattern were I to become ill again.
The best advice I would say is to see a perinatal psychiatrist to discuss a care plan before conception. It will allay many of your concerns as it would be individually drawn up with your own agreement as to what you would like included in the care plan.
I hope whatever you choose that you will be kind to yourself. I remember being so upset and feeling guilt because it didn’t feel like I would ever be able to have a second child. It just had to be on a different timescale to what I first wanted
Take Care
Teresa x
Hi there. I have a 4 year gap, one born April 2019 and next born July 2023. I was told my risk was 50% and I did not experience psychosis after having my second child. This age gap is great for us. They both adore each other.
Hi, thank you ❤️. May I please know if you went on medication as a preventative? X
I chose not to, as I felt very well during my pregnancy. I went briefly onto sertraline afterwards
That's amazing and really reassuring to know you never experienced PP again. Did your PP hit during pregnancy? Mine was two weeks after I gave birth x
So with my first baby my pp started within days after I had given birth. I was then an inpatient of MBU for 7 weeks. How old is your child now?
Mine started around two weeks after but I think I had mania before that point as I was extremely happy and emotional. My little one is two now. It's so lovely to hear your two are close. Does the older one help you a lot with your baby?x
He helps when he feels like it haha
Scared.
No more children
2 children pregnant and alone with bipolar 
How to protect children from mood swings 
Impacts on children
