my story, who can relate?

[Casey-Lee]

I thought I’d share my story to see who can relate to my symptoms as psychosis can look different for all of us!

mine started when I was pregnant and am still experiencing this 12 months postpartum.

I am so fearful and paranoid about anyone bringing harm to me and my baby girl, I have thought people can read my mind, hack my phone, hack into our home cameras, and are monitoring or following me.

I have thought and believed in curses, black magic, and have believed I’ve had a spell put on me.

I have believed that the whole world is out to get me and everything is a set up, life isn’t real.

these are just a few things I have experienced and still am experiencing.

I then feel tremendous amount of regret for my baby as I’m so consumed by all of this and it takes away time from her, and I get so lost and caught up in my head.

I’m now on antipsychotics waiting for them to kick in and hopefully do something.

I haven’t lost hope x

[SammySeal]

Hi Casey

Thank you so much for sharing that, it's not always easy to do.

I'm sorry to hear you've not been well for quite a while now. Have you had much medical help before now? You mentioned some medication, so hopefully that will get to work and help, I know I felt a lot better once I got the right medication.

My experience with PP was 14yrs ago now and a bit different to yours - as you say, there's quite a lot of difference in symptoms. I wanted to say hello though as I'm up early this morning and see you're in a different time zone - I'm sure others with more similar symptoms to you will be around later.🙂

Like you, I had some strange beliefs as a symptom, but not really paranoia as such. My strange belief was that I had had a second baby that I was forgetting to look after, but of course, I didn't really. I can also relate to the regret you mentioned, but please remember that you've not been well and you're doing the best you can. Just the fact you're here sharing and seeking support is a great move.

So glad you're hopeful. You will get better just like I did, hang in there.

Sammy x

[The_Wes_Anderson_Fan Volunteer]

Hello Casey-LeeWhen I had post partum psychosis, I had lots of delusional thoughts.

Fortunately for me, anti psychotics made me better, however it was a slow process before my delusional thoughts completely disappeared.

Good luck and tell those around you who care and support you that you are experiencing these thoughts. You recognise it is not normal so you have good insight so you are on the right path.

Lots of love.

[Lilly53 Volunteer]

Hi Casey. I’m so pleased to hear you haven’t lost hope as I can tell you that recovery is really possible.

Your story resonated quite a bit with me.

I also experienced symptoms during my pregnancy and they continued after birth.

It was such a frightening time. I believed my husband was going to kill me and that I would never meet my baby. I believed it was all this big secret women never spoke about. Basically once you are pregnant your partner becomes evil and you must die. It was horrendous. It was so confusing. After an initial 24 hours of acute delusions and paranoia like that I then maintained a level of insight/wellness throughout the ordeal but I couldn’t tell anyone as I was still fearful it might all be real and I would put myself and my son at further threat. So no one ever knew the inner torment I experienced.

I thought the tv was sending me messages, I believed my son was an alien, I was convinced my mum was going to kill him, so many weird things. I would be smiling and leaving her to bath him, but all the while I’d be hovering around nearby checking her and terrified she was going to drown him. All totally untrue. My mum couldn’t be more kind and loving. She’d die FOR her grandkids if anything! The illness took away so much joy from all this milestone moments. I feel so much regret at times but this was 10 years ago. Awareness of PP was so poor. Neither I nor my family knew this illness existed.

Luckily my symptoms eased up themselves over time as my hormones must have levelled out, I got more sleep and felt less stressed etc. But it still took around a year at least to be fully better.

I then started to do my own research to try and understand about what had happened. That’s when I found this forum. It was such an amazing feeling!! Suddenly I knew what this illness was. I was no longer alone.

I went onto get psychosis again with my second baby. But that time it came after his birth (as is more usual) and all my family recognised what was happening. That time I got help from the mental health team locally (in the form of nurse visits/talking therapy) and symptoms eased up within a matter of months.

I now have a great relationship with both my sons (aged 7 and 10).

I wonder if there’s anything else you might do to come out of your head while your medication starts working. What might help to relax you and stop the consuming effects of this horrible illness. I found listening to music with my sons and reading with them, or going for long walks with the pram all wonderful ways of escaping the horrible thoughts. Even if just for a little while.

I wish you lots of luck and healing for the future.

[Cheryl-2021 Volunteer]

Hi Casey-Lee 👋

So glad you haven't lost hope when you are still experiencing these thoughts. I have every faith they will leave you in time.

I experienced PP 17 years ago and this included thinking other patients were actors, thinking I was part of tv show, telling people's fortunes with my inner gypsy and thinking everyone was related to me.

I also felt regret about the time this took away from focusing on my baby. Its a very hard. But even though I wasn't there fully in mind, I was there in body and that held its bond.

Be kind to yourself 💞