Some Advise please

[Adoo97]

Hi it was a while since I posted here I wanted to tell you that my wife is a little better

but she is still tired due to her tablets I think but we thought to travel this summer to kosovo because she is quite depressed in sweden and really wants to go to meet her family and be with them 2months, of course I will also go with her but i am little nervous to travel with her I do not know what to do I have told her that I can have the baby at home but she does not want she says she can have her and that she has a lot of support from her family I have talked to them and i have talked to her mother and sisters to be present all the time to help her with the baby and that she should sleep and rest as much as she can and of course I also want to rest because I have had a very stressful and traumatic time I really just want to relax a little and get some peace of mind can you give me some advise what to do and what to think about when im there because the health support here are trash in sweden they just switching doctors all the time they allways busy when im calling them and i dont know how long she is gonna be like this tired and slow im feeling very bad for her and im so angry and sad because it never ends im very glad that she is mutch better but i just want her to be like she used to, how many months took it for your withdraw medication.

[hgallo Volunteer]

Hi Adoo97, nice to hear from you again. I'm one of the volunteers at APP. I had pp after the birth of my twin girls in 2016. We took them abroad for a 2 week holiday when they were about 15 months old I think. I enjoyed the change and it felt good to get away from England for a boy tbh! I found preparing stuff to go was tricky. But if your partner has got family over there that should be a lot easier hopefully. And you sound like you really need a break too. But are worrying what might go wrong. I completely get that.

Have you contacted with our dad peer supporter, Simon? He might have some helpful tips for you. But do what feels right, and try not to feel guilty, I know that's hard. Best, x

[hgallo Volunteer in reply to hgallo]

For a bit, not a boy, sorry spell checker!

[SammySeal]

Hi Adoo97, it's great you're back to post how you and your wife are getting on. I don't know about your first post, as I am new here myself. I had PP myself 14yrs ago followed by postnatal depression.

I remember it being very stressful preparing to take my baby anywhere, even for a day out or to visit grandparents an hour away for the weekend. But like your wife, it was something I felt I wanted to do. It helped me to feel more 'normal' to get out or visit people.

Something that really helped me was to write lists of all the things I needed to prepare or remember - there's a lot of stuff to remember with a baby! Then ticking off the list helped me feel more in control.

It's nice that your wife wants to visit her family, it sounds like you both really need a break. Hopefully they will be helpful and supportive when you're there and you might both get a rest or at least some meals cooked. Do they know about what she has been through and how she is doing at the moment?

It's so good that you are supportive of her, trying to help and willing to go with her. That will be so helpful for her I'm sure. Maybe if you are worried about the healthcare when you are there you could speak with her healthcare team at home before you go about what to do when you are there, especially if you need help quickly.

I understand you want your wife to get back to how she used to. I guess she wants that too. Your wife is still her old self, just unwell right now. I can't really advise about meds, as everyone is so different, even on the same meds. I know the side effects of meds can be really annoying. It's probably best to talk about the meds with her healthcare team too. Make sure she has enough meds to take with her for the trip - another thing for the list.

I hope you both have a nice trip. All the best.

[Lilybeth Volunteer]

Hello Adoo97

Good to hear from you and that your wife is a little better but tired and quite depressed where you are. It sounds as though you both need a break as it has also not been easy for you trying to help your wife as she tries hard to recover.

I think a holiday to see your wife’s parents might be something to look forward to. Lovely for family to meet again and for them to hold your baby. It’s good that you have talked to them about the support your wife will need and I’m sure they are more than happy to help when you are there.

Perhaps you could write down your wife’s routine to follow if you are out? If you do decide to go to Kosovo I think you will need to ask for enough medication for your wife to cover the time she is there, although this might be why you have been trying to contact her doctor. I’m not sure about healthcare abroad but I wonder if your wife can register as a temporary patient while she is with her family? I imagine her family’s doctor will be willing to help. It’s not easy being on medication but it is keeping your wife stable so she needs to take it.

I’m so sorry you are feeling sad. It’s very difficult for partners and you have been so supportive. I had severe depression following PP with both of my sons, the first being shorter than the second which was just over a year. We took a holiday, not far from home but closer to the sea. Although I can tell I wasn’t well from photos I’ve seen, I was smiling, which was a change for me.

It’s important for your own health to have a break if you can, so I hope you can consider it. Take good care of yourself .... best wishes to your wife and little one.

[Lilybeth Volunteer]

Hello Adoo97

I was wondering, if you are planning your holiday, whether the PP Guides at app-network.org/what-is-pp/... might be helpful to show to your wife’s mother and sisters so that they can see the help she needs in her recovery while you are visiting?

I’m sorry you are under stress as it is very hard for partners to see their loved ones struggling. You have been a great support for your wife to lean on and I hope you can both have a break with your baby. Thinking of you ... best wishes to your wife. Stay safe, take care.