New mom diagnosed with pp

[Htrinder6]

Hi I’ve been on quitipine 100g at night and 50g in the morning and matrazipine 30g at night as well I’m starting to feel better less anxious and worried but still keep getting paranoid and can’t rest in the day and think people are talking about me or won’t come near me , I’m seeing perinatal once a week and phones once a week and I’ve got physcitract review next Tuesday I just want to feel better now and more confident so that I can face people and not be scared of my baby or go out and not freak out if he cry’s and that people are not going to take him away they are just here to help. I have great support from my partner and family willing to help but can’t seem to accept the help without feeling guilty. Any advice on to stop feeling like this or medication or therapy that has worked for you. I had my son in July and although I’m doing a lot now for him I still lacking confidence just want to feel back to my old self.

[Varvarita]

Hi dear Htrinder6! So sorry to hear that you had PP, it’s so unfair that this disease steals the happiness of first months of motherhood. I remember my first months at home after PP and i was also kind of paranoid and scared and ashamed of myself.

To me several things helped- a) talking therapy , you know, just a safe place where you can pour out all your controversial emotions

b) cooking - it just felt nice, simply that i can make things with my hands and that people find it tasty

c) listening to music in my headphones whenever i was at the supermarket or outside, otherwise i would feel unsafe and weird

d) watching lots of comedy with my husband before bed, anything you both with your partner like will do (we had a binge on Adam Sandler movies)

e) changing antidepressants (you are on a tricyclic Mirtazapine now, it’s very strong and very good at curing PP depression but it may also give you this heavy feeling of disorientation and underlying anxiety), maybe you can ask your doctor to switch you to SSRI one day in future)

good luck and hugs

[Htrinder6 in reply to Varvarita]

Thank you for the tips I have been doing some of these , I’ve upped my quietipine last few days and learning to rest so starting to feel better it’s more social anxiety and paranoid thoughts that I need to get under control now , I will suggest to the doctor about switching tablets thank you

[Varvarita in reply to Htrinder6]

I’m so happy you a re starting to feel better. How old is your kid now?

[Lilybeth Volunteer]

Hello Htrinder6

So pleased you have reached out here where you will find lots of support and shared experiences. I had PP many years ago and found reassurance here that everyone understood how I was feeling, so I hope you will feel comforted too.

Try not to put too much pressure on yourself as you are only a few months on since PP and other health issues. It’s good that you are starting to feel less anxious and have support from your care team. I think after such a traumatic experience it takes time to rebuild confidence, especially with a new baby in the house too! Perhaps the PP Insider Guide “Recovery after Postpartum Psychosis” might be helpful to read when you have time? There are other Guides too and personal experiences on the page at app-network.org/what-is-pp/....

I think as mums we try to pick up where we left off without realising how ill we have been. I carried unfounded guilt and shame for years but have since realised that it was not my fault when PP hit out of the blue and I had no choice. So I hope you might also realise this too.

Try to accept the help of your partner and family as you need to rest too. If you can .... try to have a nap yourself when your baby sleeps to build up your energy. Please don’t feel guilty, I imagine your partner and family are very happy to help. Perhaps your GP might have a list of different groups you might like to attend with your baby to build your confidence, if this is something you might like to try.

Take one step at a time and don’t rush to be well. You will eventually find your place again and should be so proud of yourself, coming so far in a few months. We all understand and are always here to listen. Wrap yourself in the comfort blanket of home and take care. Sending a hug and thinking of you.

[Htrinder6 in reply to Lilybeth]

Thank you I’m slowly starting to realise what I need to do to make myself better just feel guilty sometimes for resting snd letting others help but know that’s how I will get better and be able to look after and enjoy carter 😊

[Lilybeth Volunteer in reply to Htrinder6]

Hello Htrinder6

Thank you for taking time to reply. It’s good to hear you are realising what you need to do to make yourself better ..... resting and letting others help is a good idea. It’s not easy coping with recovery, a new baby and the effects of medication so please take it easy and be kind to yourself 😊

[Maria_at_APP Moderator]

Hi Htrinder6

How are you doing today? I am so glad you have reached out to the forum, where you will find plenty of support from mums who have gone through a similar experience to you at the moment and have come out the other side. Pp despite being such a severe illness is also very recoverable, you will go back to being your old self, the women on this forum are living proof of that.

I am sorry to read that you are feeling anxious and low in confidence. I remember feeling like that in the aftermath of my pp 3 years ago. I was also very paranoid as you describe and thought that every conversation I overheard on the street was about me. It is really hard, specially when our brain also turns comments and offers of help into judgement. You show lots of self awareness really early in your recovery, and I am so glad to read that your partner and family are of great support to you.

I personally think that the feeling of guilt you describe stems from an irrational belief that we could somehow had a saying in what happened to us. As Lilybeth says pp is not something we chose or could have prevented at all.

Be gentle with yourself at this time, I was also impatient to feel better in me as swiftly as I could, until I realised I needed time to process what had happened and to make memories with my new family to help me rebuild my confidence. A day at a time you are making progress towards rebuilding yourself, the road to recovery is not always straightforward but you will feel better again, I promise you.

Take good care, and reach out whenever you need.

[Lilybeth Volunteer]

Hello Htrinder6

Thinking of you and hope the review with your psychiatric on Tuesday went well. I hope you were able to be open about how you are feeling and felt you were listened to. Try not to worry .... you’re a great mum 💖

[Kat_at_APP Volunteer]

Dear Htrinder6

How are you doing? I really hope you are starting to feel a little better, and that you've found this forum useful. Huge congratulations on the birth of your son! It's still very early days, so while I can understand your frustration with how debilitating this illness is, and the arduous recovery process, I would urge you to be super kind to yourself, and patient. Maybe set yourself one little goal each day - something achievable, like "today i'm going to message X" and be really proud of yourself when you do it. Please don't put yourself under undue pressure to get out and about and do things / see people before you feel confident. Rebuilding that confidence will take time, and needs to be done slowly but surely. Do you have any trusted friends or relatives who could help you? Somebody that will go at your pace, and give you the support and space you need to find your feet? I hope so.

Best wishes,

Kat x

[Htrinder6 in reply to Kat_at_APP]

Hi Kat, I’ve been bit better last two days learning slowly that I need to rest and let people help even though I feel guilty , I have lots of support so very lucky just sometimes get embarrassed to reach out and ask for it. I am going to start doing a goal a day and think this will help my confidence so thank you for the reply. 😊