Experiences of psychiatric intensive care units

[Marshman]

This is going to be a bit of a rambling post but bear with me. So I had PP around 18months ago with the psychosis lasting around 1 month 2 months maybe followed by the depression. I am pleased to say that I now have the life I have always wanted. Although my husband can get on my nerves he is a lovely father and a very caring man. My little girl is a delight, she plays independently, watches telly and is quite easy to look after. I also have a job I love supporting people with Learning disabilities in a residential home. But to get to the point my friend is pregnant. Initially I was so excited by the news. But then on deeper reflection it lead me to think about my own traumatic labour and subsequent psychotic episode. I was admitted to a mother and baby unit but was violent and unmanageable in that setting at that time. That led to me being admitted to a psychiatric intensive care unit in London, Beckton. So I have some vague memories of that time... Last night while all this played on my mind I looked into Beckton and looked at pictures of it. I'm not sure why now? Perhaps to try and get a better recollection of what it was like. And so today I have been plagued by thoughts of what it was like for the 10 days I was there. I have a vague recollection of being showered rather roughly by a care assistant and I have a strong notion that throughout a lot of the staff were heavy handed with me. Also speaking to my husband about it he said that they did very little to care for my physical health. When my big sister asked how my stitches were healing they seemed slightly shocked and asked if she would buy salt and a bucket so they could bathe them?!? I also vaguely remember being force fed as I had a belief people were trying to poison me and I was very reluctant to eat. I'm not sure if I'm suffering some sort of PTSD. Has anyone on here been in Beckton or a PICU? How did you come to terms with it? Would you say your care was satisfactory?

[Jocelyn_at_APP Partner APP]

Hello Marshman,

Thank you so much for reaching out to us on the forum and sharing your experience with us.

It sounds like you have had an extremely traumatic time but also that you are surrounded by a wonderful family and have an enjoyable job.

I'm so sorry that your friend being pregnant has brought back bad memories and that your experience on the PICU wasn't positive. We definitely recognise the importance of women being in a Mother and Baby Unit. It's the best place to be able to get the physical, as well as mental, support you need. I'm so sorry that that wasn't possible for you for the whole time you were ill.

Could it would be worth contacting PALS (Patient advice and liaison service)

at the hospital. They provide confidential advice and support to patients, families and their carers, and can provide information on the NHS and health related matters. Or provide feedback via Healthwatch (healthwatch.co.uk/)?

Unfortunately, I have no experience of an MBU or a PICU, as I had PP 5 years ago while I was living in Brazil and didn't have access to them. I am sure there are other members here who can share their experiences with you.

Do you think it might help to talk to your GP or find some support regarding possible PTSD?

Take care of yourself.

Jocelyn

[Marshman in reply to Jocelyn_at_APP]

Thank you Jocelyn. I did go back to the MBU and have some nice memories from my time there. I might look into making a complaint?? It's so hard when you can't be fully sure of what you remember and what actually happened. Sorry to hear you didn't have the recovery opportunities that are available to women here. Thank you for your kind reply x

[Maria_at_APP Moderator]

Hi Marshman,I am so sorry to hear that you suffered from pp 18 months ago. I am aware how much the pregnancy of a closed friend can bring up a lot of memories from the time we were deeply unwell.

I had pp in 2018 and like you I spent 10 days in a general pyschiatric unit, as I was too unwell to be in an mbu yet. My recollections of my time there were also broken, there were some nurses that treated me with unbelievable kindness, but there were also a couple of nights I spent on isolation as there was not enough staff to keep me safe and look after the ward. Medication was also a physical struggle, of course.

I am sorry you have recollections of being force fed, and many questions about your treatment while you were there. But also I am pleased to hear you have good memories from your time in the mbu, hold onto those. As Jocelyn suggests, maybe a chat with your GP won't be amiss, he could refer you for some counselling to deal with the trauma of pp and subsequent hospitalisation.

On the subject of your friend's pregnancy, its possible many more thoughts will resurface in a very raw fashion, so do take care of yourself during this time. My sister in law gave birth this summer and at some point in time it was too much for me and also for my husband, so do look after you 3 first and foremost. You won't be a bad friend if you feel the need to distance yourself a bit, its very normal after all you went through.

Take good care and write here when you need to

[Marshman in reply to Maria_at_APP]

Aww thank you. It is nice to hear from other people who have similar experiences xx

[Maria_at_APP Moderator in reply to Marshman]

It does help to not feel alone take good care

[Hidden]

Hello. To a certain extent, I know what you mean. PP in itself is very traumatic and it was at least a couple of years before I could stop thinking about what happened to me the moment I close my eyes, or when standing in the shower. My son kept getting nappy rash and to me wasn’t being cared for properly. But they wouldn’t let me hold him or even be in the same room with him although on my care plan I was supposed to be allowed to be in the room with him. And they used to regularly tell me I had had a bad night, but never let me have any details of what happened because in my mind I’d slept through the night and felt refreshed. That was very confusing.

You can request your notes and you may be able to read between the lines or it may jog some memories for you. I have my notes but I’ve never really been able to read them I have looked at mine and I don’t remember at all some of the things that are in them.

It’s not direct experience of the hospital you mentioned, but I thought it might help.

It’s hard to know, isn’t it, whether knowing more would just need to more distress or whether it would help. Take care of yourself.

[Marshman in reply to Hidden]

Aww I'm so sorry. In a lot of ways thay sounds so much worse than my situation. I console myself with the fact that my little girl was extremely well looked after by family while I was in the PICU. And then when I was in the MBU my family visited every day and ensured my baby was looked after properly. My Mum said a couple of times when she visited my little girl had been left to cry?!? I was too unwell to respond appropriately and my Mum kicked up a bit of a fuss. But I'm so cross for you that they didn't let you have time holding your baby. Sounds like you should have received a better standard of care x

[Hidden]

It was a long time ago. And it was 11 weeks of my life. But yes I console myself with the fact I have two lovely children and they seem happy. Of course they are affected somewhat by my illness as I was depressed for several years and refused all help. But coming to terms with unfair treatment is hard.

[guinea1]

I was in a psychiatric hospital after my first child, this was 25yrs ago, It was a very traumatic experience. They had no idea of the needs of a new mum, my baby stayed with her dad as the place was very unsuitable for a 10 day old baby, they wanted me to lock myself in a room with her my husband refused to let her go there , still can't belief social services thought it ok for a baby to go there. I was constantly afraid there there were angry patients one ripping a door off the office, they forced me to have a bath standing by the door watching me , which I have flashbacks, my mental health became worse and when I saw my daughter was terrified and angry with her.. the doctors could see i was getting worse and refused to let me go home, in the end my husband got me a weekend home visit and then told them i was coming back as it was making me worse there.. month later me and baby went to a private clinic where they were one to one with me and help to regain my confidence and bond with baby.. I was well for the next 23 yrs or so I thought.. a hospital appointment with a no so nice consultant for tummy pains.. trigger the feeling I had when I was Ill with PPP then things started to unravel, I had blocked everything away and couldn't talk to anyone though fear of hurting my family.... I have now been diagnosed with PTSD ..I have a very understanding GP and he has helped me though this.I wish I hadn't locked everything away, but there was always that fear of if I said anything I could get locked away again.

If you are having flashbacks to the time of being in the psychiatric hospital then please speak to your doctor, you are definitely not alone as there are many mothers who have gone on to develop trauma after having spent time in a psychiatric hospital, they are no place for a new mum and makes me sad every time I hear someone has had to suffer there.... I am getting help, though things are pretty deep rooted as I locked it away for so long, but help is out there it does take time but with the right help you will get there.

Take care xx